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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS looking at DH's childhood books

23 replies

ShadowFall · 29/12/2013 17:06

DH has put a number of old books he had as a child on the shelves in DS1's (2 yrs 3 months) bedroom. He put them on a high shelf, where DS1 can't reach them without help.

DS1 is very keen on looking at some of these books, often asks to have them down off the shelf, and I've occasionally caught him trying to climb up the shelves to get at them. Anyway, today, after looking at some of them, DS1 wanted to take them downstairs with him. So, we went downstairs with the books.

When DH came back in, he saw DS1 wandering around clutching one of the books, and DH got quite upset about this.

Turns out that DH thinks that DS1 should not be allowed to hold these books, as he is too young, may damage them, and then will be unable to enjoy them when he is older, and also, these books are very very precious as they were DH's when he was little. Some of the books are now out of print, although not the particular ones DS1 had downstairs today.

I suggested that as DH was worried about DS1 damaging the books, we should remove the books from DS1's room and put them somewhere out of sight until DH considers DS1 old enough to handle them responsibly.
DH said that moving the books was a silly idea, as then DS1 would be unable to enjoy the books.

I think that not letting DS1 hold the books isn't really letting him enjoy them, and that leaving them on display in his room if he's not allowed free access to them is a bit mean. AIBU?

OP posts:
EBearhug · 29/12/2013 17:10

You are not being unreasonable. Any books in our childhood room were to be looked at freely. Any precious books were in other rooms. It's mean to put something in DS's room if he's not allowed to look at it - it's perfectly reasonable curiosity to want to see books in his room. And you're right - he can't enjoy the books if he's not allowed to hold them, so why tease him with it?

(I have tons of books from my father and my grandparents, so books do survive more than one generation.)

Jengnr · 29/12/2013 17:11

Your husband is being weird.

He can either have them now or he can't. Clearly your husband doesn't want him to have them now so move them.

Punkatheart · 29/12/2013 17:13

Not weird at all. It is very easy for little ones to spoil books. Would it be possible to find the titles in a library?

What you mustn't squash is that intellectual curious nature coming from your child.

Hide the originals and replace with same.

fluffyraggies · 29/12/2013 17:15

I had allot of my fathers valuable children's books on a high shelf in my room from babyhood.

I was allowed to look at them with an adult. I didn't feel teased. It felt special when i was allowed to handle and look at them because they were not freely available.

If you have an issue with your son trying to climb up furniture to get at things he isn't allowed to touch then that is a separate issue and could go on in any part of the house.

lilyaldrin · 29/12/2013 17:15

If the books are out in his room, then he should be able to handle/look at them.

If they aren't to be touched then they shouldn't be in his room.

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/12/2013 17:17

So your DH just wants your son to be able to look at the outside of the books, but not touch them or look at the insides of them?

Your DH is being completely ridiculous.

rabbitlady · 29/12/2013 17:19

ltb. no, evict him. pack him and his too-precious-to-touch books in binliners and put them outside for his parents to collect. i take it he has parents, he's such a baby.

oh, i'm sour today.

what lilyaldrin said is right.

lecce · 29/12/2013 17:21

YANBU, particularly because it seems your dh did not discuss this with you and expected you to know that, despite the books being in ds's room, they were not for him to look at. I think an arrangement like that can work, but everyone needs to be made aware of it and adults need to talk about the special books that are precious to daddy, and how he (ds) will be able to enjoy them when he is older. If that is discussed frequently, then I think ds will accept it and not feel resentful of having them in his room and not being allowed to look at them. However, if he is a very prolific climber, they may need to be moved in any case.

lljkk · 29/12/2013 17:23

My mother used to do this. She'd buy some fragile antique toy car put it on a high shelf and thought her grandson would only gently play with it under supervision. You'd think the woman was never a teenage mom to boisterous twins. Confused

Nephew whined for it constantly, conspired even to get to it. My mother was cruel.

Just pack the books away safely somewhere. Get cheap copies of same stories, keep the others as heirlooms not for children.

Original poster
ShadowFall · 29/12/2013 17:33

I really don't think that DS1 has any idea that he wasn't meant to be looking at the books or playing with the books unless directly supervised - in the past, I've always got them down whenever he's asked for them, and I've usually left them on a low shelf where he can reach them when he's finished with them.

DH did keep moving them back to the high shelf, which in retrospect should have been a clue - but until now, DH had not told me that he did not want DS1 handling them or having free access to them.

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 29/12/2013 17:34

Why doesnt your DH get them down and read them to him of a night otherwise they shouldnt be in his room. Your DH is bonkers to think a young child would treat the books any differently

SilverApples · 29/12/2013 17:43

Yup, it's your DH that's being weird.
So, he could read his copies to DS for a story when he's old enough to understand them.
He could buy new copies of the books, and when DS has developed favourites, he could give him the favourite childhood copy as an heirloom. That's how come I have my grandfather's copy of Wind in the Willows, 1912.
But those books need to be out of your child's room if they are too special to play with.

Elizabeththefirst · 29/12/2013 17:46

What a beautiful heirloom, silver. Sorry, nothing constructive to add but I just wanted to say how lovely that would be.

OOAOML · 29/12/2013 17:47

I can understand books being too special/fragile to be held by a 2 year old - I have some treasured Ladybirds that I read with mine when they were toddlers but they didn't get to treat them the way they did other books (tucked under pillow, in a pile beside the bed, leaning on to draw etc). They didn't get left in their room - they went on a shelf in the hall bookcase that the children couldn't reach.

I'm not completely anal about books - I have other ones from my childhood that I have given to the children to be theirs. Just not my fragile Ladybirds.

MuddlingMackem · 29/12/2013 17:56

YABU.

Both our kids had handed down books and special books they'd been given as presents which were on a high shelf. They were told from the start that those books could still only be looked at with a grown up and they were perfectly fine with that.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 29/12/2013 18:06

My children had a special love of chewing books when they are teething (2yo in pain have no impulse control) so no way would I have left any special books in their rooms.

...or more accurately, I did and DHs old Thomas books now have no spines.

mercibucket · 29/12/2013 18:31

that makes sense to me
dh wants him to enjoy the books but not trash them
it won't do your ds any harm to learn some things are special

nooka · 29/12/2013 18:54

I'm not sure I'd consider one generation old books as particularly precious, but I have zero problem with the concept of books that children only read/handle with a grown up. It sounds as if your dh didn't really realize how much the books mattered to him until he thought they were in danger of being damaged, and I can understand that.

Where they are stored is a bit immaterial unless there really is a danger that your ds could get to them, and especially if he could hurt himself in the process. So a discussion as to better storage options is perfectly reasonable, but there really is nothing wrong with having books that your ds is allowed to look at with an adult but not on his own.

TalkinPeace · 29/12/2013 19:22

What are the books?

For example the full set of first edition Arthur Ransome books that are in my family were utterly out of bounds to all children under ten.

Some books are "to look at on the shelf and read when you are bigger"

watching my nephew destroy a book yesterday with a marker pen remined me exactly why.

Original poster
ShadowFall · 29/12/2013 19:25

The ones that DS1 took downstairs were a couple of Thomas the Tank Engine books. Not first edition!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 29/12/2013 19:30

Why does your DH want to torment your DS?

Because that's what he's doing.

Idiot.

TalkinPeace · 29/12/2013 19:33

OP
in that case your DH needs to step up to the plate (intended pun) and make those books be the one he sits and reads with your son and keeps on a shelf where they can be seen and requested but not accidentally destroyed

I have a book that I won as a school prize when I was 4 (Magic Roundabout) and I'd have been heartbroken if my kids had damaged it more than I had already so we made it the treat / read together book

Oldraver · 29/12/2013 20:50

If your husband wants to have precious show books only to look decorative then he should lock them away in a glass case

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