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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban iPods, iPads and ds gaming when pals come to 'play'

40 replies

Pinkspottyegg · 29/12/2013 13:57

To be honest I don't care if I'm unreasonable it's my house my rules but I need to vent.

I have been really cheesed off this last while when my kids' pals come round for a play (or worse still a sleepover) and bring an item like above when only one can play at a time. I am sick of policing this. They are now banned!

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 29/12/2013 16:08

How old are they? I think that's very important here....if they are over 8 then YABU. It's winter...you can't send them out to play and so much of their socialising IS done online and on games now....I think it's fine to ban a phone or single game though. My friend's dd is often wanting her phone but her Mum has made it clear that no phones are allowed when she goes to friend's to play.

Snowhoho · 29/12/2013 16:10

What ages are you talking about? Seems a bit daft to me and controlling, if thats what they enjoy let them, but each to their own!

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 16:13

Seems a bit of fuss over nothing to be honest. Nothing wrong with them entertaining themselves. I know when my brothers had people over they'd share the xbox, or one would play whilst the other played on his ipad..

They just relaxed and had fun in each others company.

NewtRipley · 29/12/2013 16:15

Mine are 10 and 13. I try to suggest other things to do, but accept that gaming will be part of what they do. I wouldn't let my DC play on their own without taking turns. Also we have a rule of no devices in the bedroom after bedtime.

I'd encourage friendships where this is not all they do together, because IMo, and IME these are stronger friendships, but again you can't control who your child is friends with.

Snowhoho · 29/12/2013 16:16

Why do you have to get involved in "policing" the kids enjoyment anyway? Xmas Confused

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 16:19

If they brought a ball and cup game would you police that too? Because it's a single player game... or is it the consoles that bother you?

I think you're being a bit to highly strung, and could potentially effect friendships. I'd have wanted to go to someone elses house where we could play with our stuff without it being policed.

Oblomov · 29/12/2013 16:19

I don't get it. What ages are you talking about?

NewtRipley · 29/12/2013 16:21

Good point Snowhoho. I think in my case it's because it's a bit of an unfamiliar way of being friends with someone, and also my youngest can get a bit het up and a bit competitive so I have to keep an eye on things and chuck them out to play from time to time.

Snowhoho · 29/12/2013 16:25

Yep I see what you mean Newt, my DS (age 6 and 11) are in and out all the time so short of a full scale war coming from upstairs I leave them to it because I know they will be away soon! But obviously this is different in Winter!

NoComet · 29/12/2013 16:35

Depends totally on the age of the DCs and the way your DC and the visiting DC/DCs interact.

Computers, DSs and screens were banned with many of DD2s friends as was TV because they were sheer lazyness. They were used to avoid thinking of something to do and doing it. They caused people not to talk and people to get left out.

There has always been an exception for DD2 and her other SIMs addict DF because they do stuff together, share chatter and plan houses and worlds together. Both are equally skilled at the game and it's a shared game in the way screens aren't with any other primary aged visitor.

(Also this DF is the other 'top table' girl at school so there are non of the slight tensions caused by DD2 being very quick and a bit bossy. They are equals I'd expect to fight, for some reason they don't)

DD1 is older she has far fewer friends, but they are friends from birth, I just let them get on with it.

Her other partner in crime is DD's clever friend's geeky big brother, they compute and discuss DR Who.

chateauferret · 29/12/2013 16:50

YABU. Of course they can share this stuff, ours do.

Original poster
Pinkspottyegg · 29/12/2013 22:27

They are 8 and 10. I am aware that gaming is the modern thing but I don't think it's controlling I think it's responsible parenting. If I went to visit someone and spent the time checking my mobile all the time it would just be downright rude. It's a default setting to not having to do anything else. I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't whinge when I dragged them off to do something else. Am also ok with it when the weather is foul and there is nothing else to do but to walk in on four kids, two who are here for a sleepover and they are all staring at their individual screens in their own wee worlds with no interaction then NO!

OP posts:
Snowhoho · 29/12/2013 22:31

but to walk in on four kids, two who are here for a sleepover and they are all staring at their individual screens in their own wee worlds with no interaction then NO!

To me thats controlling.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 22:32

Oh jesus christ you need to realise it's not your time it's THEIR time. If your children are happy with their get togethers being like this why are you so bothered? It's like you're trying to prove a point when there's absolutely nothing to prove.

Checking your phone as an adult visiting a friend is not the same as children playing.

Years ago you'd have had kids together, one playing cards, one on the SNES, one reading a comic book... all in their own little worlds but engaging with each other when they want to and being able to talk and socialise with each other.

What exactly do you want them to do, play tag? Why do you have to 'drag' them to do something else?

Snowhoho · 29/12/2013 22:35

Cant believe you are comparing children relaxing together as being rude like visiting an adult and spending all the time on your phone - its completely different!

ArgumentsatChristmas · 29/12/2013 22:39

If they are gaming then they may well be interacting in ways we don't fully understand. My DS is always with his mates planning a raid or something. Sometimes they are all in their own houses and sometimes they are all at one another's houses (if that makes sense). I try to shovel them out of the house with instructions to walk the dog or kick a ball around. They slink back after an hour and revert to zapping aliens.

mrsjay · 29/12/2013 22:42

but what do you want them to do children use their ipods and whatnot these days put a group of them together and they will play games it is your childrens friends and if your children are not bothered then why are you, they seem quite happy to have their friends round and near them, if you ban these screens then you might find kids wont want to come round

Original poster
Pinkspottyegg · 29/12/2013 22:44

Ok so staring at a small screen for hours on end then being asked to put it down because we're going out to visit Granny, child throws a strop and that's all ok?
Fuck it I'm glad I'm in the minority

OP posts:
mrsjay · 29/12/2013 22:46

but if they were watching a dvd then they would be in their own wee worlds wait until they are teenagers and they never speak words to each other all communication is done through text and facebook

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 22:46

You didn't say anything about your child being asked to put it down and then throwing a strop. You said about banning them and their friends from playing them when together.

Them throwing a strop is feck all to do with the game, it's them being rude and disrespectful towards you. That's what you should be targeting, not the game.

mrsjay · 29/12/2013 22:46

but you are talking about friends being over to play I dont understand why you are now talking about visiting granny

Original poster
Pinkspottyegg · 29/12/2013 22:48

Fine then, they don't come round but strangely my house seems to have a revolving front door with kids coming and constantly so I can't be that much of an ogre

OP posts:
mrsjay · 29/12/2013 22:50

I am not sure what or who you are angry about your own children being rude the friends being rude

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 22:51

No-ones saying you're an ogre, in fact I think it's lovely you let them come round and I'm sure they're very thankful for it. Just that you're trying to control something that doesn't need to be controlled, there's so many battles you need to fight in parenthood, is this really one of them?

Original poster
Pinkspottyegg · 29/12/2013 22:53

Because someone asked why I need to drag them anywhere Wink and I just happened to use the Granny example

If I didn't 'drag' them off gaming then they'd forget to eat, shit and sleep. This is a fairly recent phenomenon in our house since the PC went wonky and we got an iPad instead but I long for the days only two months ago when our lives didn't seem to be dictated by how long they get to zap stuff on a small screen

OP posts: