AIBU to get all Daily Maily on nursery rhyme characters?

[TiggyD]

Humpty Dumpty! You knew the risks when you climbed onto that wall. You're a fucking egg for goodness sake. A very breakable thing. Don't expect ALL the King's Horses and ALL the King's men to put you back together whenever you do something stupid. I don't pay taxes to bail out idiots who choose to risk their shells on extreme sports like wall sitting.

i'm gutted that Pooh has an overeating disorder. i always liked him, in the days before he was referred for his portliness by that bossy muthafucka, Owl.

Tommy Flynn has just got an asbo, serves himself right for putting pussy down the well.

Headline: Piper jailed for child cruelty

Story: A concerned father simply trying to stop his son from becoming a juvenile delinquent was today jailed for four months for beating his son for theft of a pig

Comment: Think it's disgraceful that the piper got into such trouble with SS just for trying to show Tom right from wrong - here to bring back corporal punishment for school-children

The old woman who lived in the shoe is actually my MIL. and they only got broth on a good day...

Jack is to sue the local council after tumbling down a hill resulting in him bumping his head, his friend Jill also came tumbling down after and is also making a claim. They say the hill should have had steps and a rail to hold on to. They are also planning to sue Sarsons vinegar as it stings and the NHS for only having brown paper to hand due to government cut backs.

I agree with you Tiggy.

Our local council is always handing out grants left right and centre for Community Projects for visually impaired mice and victims of arson homeless ladybirds.

I ask you. We should look after our own first. My husband and I have voted National Socialist since 1939 and don't intend changing now.

I've always been concerned about the poor old fellow who was sent to bed bumped his head and clearly got concussion as he couldn't wake the next day - where was the care there people!?!

Seven dwarves found sharing a one bedroom cottage. Clearly they are illegal immigrants, taking the British jobs meant for British people.

little Jack horner sat in the corner - isn't that child abuse? How long what he sat there?

He kissed the girls and made them cry, what are his parents letting him watch? Porn?

Seven dwarves and 1 woman = BIGAMY.

I've never got the "Humpty Dumpty is an egg" concept, nowhere in the rhyme does it vaguely suggest he was an egg. I grew up believing he was a cannon in the Civil War. Which would make (a bit) more sense....

We can put a cow over the moon but we can't put an egg back together again. Sad.

And he is definitely an egg. I think he got laid by Mother Goose(42).

Humpty Dumpty was in fact a large cannon, used by the Royalists. It got shot down off a battlement and was broken beyond repair.

I've heard rumours that wee willy Winkie is a flasher running around town in his nightgown

I'm really worried about trio of visually impaired rodents that live on a farm near me. The woman who lives there keeps threatening to do them permanent harm with a blade. Should I call the RSPCA?