to feel hurt and upset by this?

[penguinsforever]

I am pregnant so maybe it's just pregnancy hormones....

DSis is planning a wedding, she's been looking into options for a few months and has been phoning for my advice, thoughts etc on venues and ideas. Dh has been chuckling along the way by her phone calls and excitement, she asked me to be her chief bridesmaid and my ds to be page boy, it's only a small wedding of ten or so people, close friends and family.

Last night she phoned me to tell me she'd decided she doesn't like the UK options we looked at, so she's chosen a Caribbean hotel instead. She went on to say that she's booking the wedding for June, the same time as my baby is due. She said if my baby is early then maybe I could come, but if not then not to worry as she understands not everyone can make it as its abroad. I haven't spoken to parents about it but apparently they are fully supporting her plans.

I understand that she should choose the wedding she likes, but Aibu to feel hurt that after the zillion phone calls and asking me to be chief bridesmaid to just cut me out like this is a bit hurtful? I feel that even if my baby is early I won't go :-( dh was shocked by her rudeness and I'm really upset, plus if they are all celebrating abroad clearly no one will be bothered about supporting me with my new baby...

Feels mean from her, I get its her day, but had you lined your mum up to look after ds1 when you go into labour?

Sorry your sister, not SIL... she may still want to have her wedding abroad but I can see that you'd want to attend given the relationship.

It is about her but it's bloody selfish to move it abroad so either your sister won't be able to go at all, or will have to travel with a baby (unlikely anyway), and their mum would have to chose between the two.

YANBU to be hurt, she could have picked another time to get married so that you could have still been there, instead she has pretty much made sure you can't.

How unpleasant and mememe of her.

hmm, if you are due in June, even if your baby is early and born in May, the chances are you're not going to have them registered and a passport issued before August. You won't be going. Make that clear, not htat you'll see closer to the time, it's not goign to be possible for you to go to an overseas wedding this summer.

She doesn't see having you there as important, that's hurtful.

Thanks for the replies, glad I'm not BU. I agree about keeping quiet now, if I raise issues with her plans then I'm sure I'd be made out to be the bad guy in this. I agree also that it may well fall through. Whatever happens though, I find it really hurtful that she valued the location over her guests, especially after all the help and support I've given her with her wedding plans and over the years.

I hadn't asked dm for help yet around the time of the birth as its so far off, but I'd have thought both she and dsis would realise I'd love to have them around that time as my last labour was difficult and I'm due to have a caesarian again this time. Dh can help though.

For her own sake she needs to be reminded about the hurricane season.

Stay quiet, sit back and enjoy the knowledge that you will have a delicious new baby and she may well end up with wind hurricane burn.

Oh I'd be so hurt. Your are not bu.

Make it clear you won't be going even if the baby is early and don't otherwise get involved.

YANBU, she is being a bridezilla. I hope she comes to her senses.

She is being unresonable and it is understandable that you are hurt & upset. However, try not to take it to heart, many people planning weddings lose all grip on what really matters. Wish her well - and mean it. Focus on your baby and don't give her too much head space.

My advice would be to let her get on with it. You can't go so that's some serious money saved. She won't pester you with her plans now which must be a relief. Look on the positive side of things.

I dunno. If after looking at other options/weighing the costs they have decided they'd rather have a Caribbean wedding and few guests then I think that's their decision to make.

I don't think she's being Bridezilla, as she's not trying to insist you go. I don't think she's set out to hurt you, they just changed their mind over what they wanted, or how much they wanted to spend (I bet they got what sounds like a really good deal due to dates).

Could you decline the wedding invite politely whilst pointing out the flaws in her plans? For example: I'd have loved to have attended your wedding and had looked forward to be chief bridesmaid. However April til august time will be impossible as I'll be heavily pg and recovering from a CS, and even if they have to deliver early I don't fancy travelling to car abeam with a newborn in hurricane season.

That way she'll see the negatives without you being the wedding crusher

Op you haven't actually said on here whether your mum will go though? Is your sister planning on going alone with partner perhaps?