To be amazed at the amount of gift related threads Christmas has sparked?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Just shows how emotive the whole gift thing is.

It is emotive though. I don't wish to seem ungrateful but I spent a lot of time choosing presents for my very wealthy brother and his wife. I thought I had chosen presents which they would like but unfortunately they were only met with sneers. Similarly, I am sure the presents they bought me they thought would be well received but from my perspective it was just cheap tat which I don't need cluttering up my home.

I believe that the solution is to just buy for children (even though even those presents weren't gratefully received by my DB and DSIL and will apparently be left in at my parents' house as they are too heavy to take back home) and do Secret Santa for adults.

I really hope I can remember this next year and stick to just a few small presents for the children.

Garcia some of the wealthiest people I know only buy novelty tat for Christmas as they seem to think it's tacky to display their wealth. could that be it?

It may be that Awful Maureen but it doesn't make me feel good when I have spent ages trying to think of some thing interesting and fun that they may like. If we are all going to buy each other cheap tat that would be fine but it is one rule for them and one for us.

For example - it was my 40th birthday in the summer and my DB didn't get me a present. If I missed his birthday it would be Armageddon.

It is just a small thing but as the OP said so emotive...I just don't want to bother with them any more as they clearly don't get it.

I don't want to appear grabby just my love and care to be reciprocated.

I don't know, it honestly doesn't bother me. I got body shop smelly stuff from dad and brother. I know they both went into the shop and saw the gift sets and bought them with an 'its girly, it'll do!' attitude and I love them for it, their lack of imagination really is part of them and the fact they cared enough to try is enough, completely enough!

I'm an adult, and if I want something I'll buy it for me. For me, it really is the thought that counts!

It's horrible to hear this year.... Lots centred around family gifts for dc too. Horrible and grabby

I received some 'interesting' gifts including a salad spinner thingy to dry lettuce.

My DC received some odd gifts including a jigsaw for age 8 yrs plus for my 2 year old.

I don't care, I'm thrilled that people took the time to think of us at all. Stuff just gets quietly re distributed or charity shopped.

But we are lucky enough to be comfortably off and if I wanted something in particular I tend to just buy it & I'm not materialistic by nature.

I just don't emphasise gifts at Christmas at all- it's not the point of it all to me. I'm not religious, but I see it as time off with family rather than a big spendfest.

Has any donor ever admitted on here that far from her gift to a wilfully ungrateful donee being "carefully and thoughtfully chosen" it was just a random buy 2 get 3 from Boots?

There seems such disparity between the givers and the recievers.

So glad I knocked present buying for everyone except dcs and dh on the head years ago.
Stress free Christmas.
No crap tat or clutter.
More money for us

Gift giving is a psychological minefield ... www.cracked.com/article_20817_5-weird-psychological-dangers-giving-people-gifts.html

Biggest mistakes in Christmas present-giving IMHO are:-

Associating present giving with how much someone cares about you. They don't always correspond in the slightest.

Associating type of present given with how well you think the person "ought" to know you. Eg. Ive known my SIL / MIL / ... For 20 years and she still cant get it right (maybe they haven't bothered trying, it doesn't mean as much to them as to you?)

Associating value of present to the person's perceived / known earnings or wealth. Bugger all to do with it, so pointless making a connection. Look at Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall has complained for years "he's as tight as a duck's arse".

Association between what you buy them and what they buy you...it rarely balances out, so probably best not to flap or stress. There are fewer hurt and grumbly posts here about the gorgeous present so-and-so bought me, but I only got them [box of naice bickies in a musical box/packet of tea/pair of socks from Aldi/....]

Unmet expectations at Christmas = best way of being miserable.

Has any donor ever admitted on here that far from her gift to a wilfully ungrateful donee being "carefully and thoughtfully chosen" it was just a random buy 2 get 3 from Boots?

I do - unless I have some real inspiration/instructions for a particular person then they're getting smellies, booze or food. Basically something usable that won't clutter the place up or is easy to regift - fine by me. I really haven't got the physical time or finances to trawl through the internet or round the shops hoping to stumble on the perfect present.

You might think in theory you're easy to buy for, but knowing someones interests and likes doesn't necessarily translate in easy to buy presents for, especially at a time of year when budgets are limited and you have a lot of people to buy for.

There seems such disparity between the givers and the receivers.

Isn't pretty much everybody both at Christmas

I love boots 3 for 2 deals and even received a soap and glory gift set from it. I asked for soap and glory so happy with that. I always put thought into my gifts such as uggs for my sister who moaned about the colour, which is bright purple so I'll probably keep them. Not that I got anything in return...

ariadneoliver .... great link!

Agree people get very het up/upset about buying and receiving gifts, especially at Xmas. (Who was rude, who was thoughtless etc.)

So I think it's time we ALL stopped buying gifts ... especially for ADULTS. (Unless people concerned are genuinely poor/in need and then cash is often the best option, so they can choose what they want most themselves.)

Gift buying/giving is mostly a waste of time and often a net waste of money.

The only sure 'winners' are shops (who get more sales) and charity shops who get the (new) rejected items.

The planet isn't better off as we use up petrol, wrapping paper and many gifts end up un-used, before eventually going to landfill.

I especially do not 'get' charity gifts eg here's a goat I donated to some people on another country .... on your behalf. (Just give the goat. There's no need to show off about it and say it's a present for someone else surely?)

The concept of buying gifts is a big guilt trip, and designed to make us BUY MORE STUFF eventually, as by receiving we are subconsciously programmed to join in the giving ... in due course.

Why not instigate a real gift exchange, if the tradition of "exchanging gifts" is so ingrained and cannot be eradicated? Eg Make up a (new) rule that each person can only give away some item already owned by them, so no buying is allowed/needed? Might be a lot of fun? (And could be somewhat ironinc if you like?) It would be a good way to get rid of things you already have and never use, instead of giving them to charity?

Nb Do charity shops actually WANT all the stuff/presents that people have rejected? I know it helps, (when they can sell them), but giving them cash, without them having all the bother of sorting thru and running the shops would be far better all round? (I think we salve our consciences by giving things to charity, but really we have just shifted the burden of disposal onto them in the name of a good cause?)

Same with cards (eg birthday, Xmas), what not put your TO/FROM neatly at top of blank page and each year re-use, just crossing out the line above? Could be like a chain letter? (And fun to see who had the card before you did?!) This is (sort of) what used to happen before we had mass consumerism and mass marketing? (Use LESS! Waste LESS?)

I know my radical ideas will never catch on ... but I can still dream!

By disparity I meant every one on here who complains about the rubbish gift they received invariably will have spent considerable time and effort into having bought a really thoughtful present for the rubbish donor. As someone mentioned no one ever says I gave a Boot's 3 for 2 and got a Herm?s scarf.

On the "My sil gave me biscuits" thread the poster gave a " present chosen with a lot of thought"(I paraphrase) to her thoughtless sil. I do wonder if the sil opened her "thoughtful present" and thought wtf?

I know what you mean Catlin, can't remember if it's the same thread, but there was a poster saying how gifts that were handmade or something like a poem where the best kind of gifts.

Now I think it's lovely when someone gives you something they've produced themselves, doesn't mean it's something I actually like or will enjoy - also not something I've really got the capability or talent to reciprocate with. Also I know a lot of people who would be to receive a poem in exchange for their silk scarf or super sized toblerone...

That linked article is good (although damn you - I get so sucked into crack.com for hours ), but I don't think people inclined to put some much hidden meanings into gifts will be inclined to read it or entertain the idea that their thoughtfulness isn't necessarily spot on.

How would you know? Most people are socially aware enough to be pleased in front of you.

some = so much

MN always spawns lots of threads on the same subject (other sites have different norms).

Last night was classic - 8 threads on PB making a TV show.

It's a peculiarity of the site and how people post, not insight into one issue.

My thread was a bit different. I was shocked at my dh not wanting the fabulous present I'd got him. Apparently it was too expensive and generous and he couldn't possibly accept it and I shouldn't have spent so much money.

It's gone back now so tough luck if he's changed his mind.

I wouldn't say I spend a long time choosing gifts - I have no inclination to search for the 'perfect present'. Just because I think it is perfect, doesn't mean the recipient will think it is.

I tend to buy from boots 3 for 2 - a couple of my friends love soap and glory so that's a winner, another one of their ranges is packaged in another friend's favourite colour. I usually then add some chocolates I know they like (e.g. one friend has allergies so I ensure I get something she can have). I'm sorry if people don't think that is 'thoughtful' enough but at least it is useful.

For me, upset over gifts hasn't really been about gifts, but mainly because it has highlighted issues in the relationship with the person - for example relatives / friends who have just left gifts with a mutual friend as they can't be bothered to meet up - I find that quite upsetting. I think MN is a place where you can have a bit of a rant, as people probably realise they are being a bit unreasonable but can voice it on here.

It's all shit! Seriously all shit! It depresses me how much shit is bought, wrapped and passed on. The pressure is on from beginning of November to do this for it only to lie around unused, unwanted on Boxing Day because we're all so needy that we don't want to break the mould. I hate it and hate it more every year. It's so hypocritical for the nation to moan about how times are hard and then spend time and money on shit no-one wants. Xmas presents only came about during the Victorian era so we all seemed to manage quite well beforehand.
Bah humbug

People are very 'emotionally invested' in Christmas, and so the disappointment of what family and friends do (fail to do) is highlighted in a way that maybe doesn't feel so much of a big deal for the rest of the year.

But.... Christmas is meant to be 'special' and 'magical' and 'for families', and when it fails to be that (and let's face it once your age is in double figures the work involved tends to outweigh the magic by a significant margin) then people feel hurt and let down.

We've built 'Christmas' up into something that is pretty much bound to be a disappointment in at least some way, and the gifts are the thing that is looking back at you on Boxing Day morning, reminding you that your lovely once-a-year family 'love-fest' turned out to be short on the joy and togetherness.

We spent a fraction of the money on gifts this year due to house moving, but we still had a nice time and gave up buying meaningless gifts for people we rarely see the rest of the year.

Spending less and still having a nice time makes us think we may as well do the same every year from now on and cut out the stress at source