To feel bitter about receiving Xmas gifts?

[hobbjobb]

I feel ungrateful, but also pretty pissed off.

I have a very large family, I am in the younger generation, in that I have lots of older aunts, uncles, great aunts etc and they are all comfortably well off whereas we have to watch our money. We aren't on the breadline or anything but money is tight and we can't afford to be extravagant.
I am also 19 weeks pregnant with my first child

The last few Xmas, I have specifically told my side of the family not to get us gifts and we will only buy gifts for the kids (I have three younger cousins)
Each year they agree to this, then on the day turn up with gifts for me and DP, making us feel really awkward and awful for not getting anyone anything. Receiving gifts is meant to be a nice thing but it literally makes me squirm as I feel so uncomfortable. They all say 'don't worry we want to treat you and we don't expect anything back' but to be honest, it's always a load of tat that we don't want/need anyway! We have a tiny house and have no room for much.

I am tempted to tell them that we won't attend Xmas with them next year as they won't respect our wishes and continue to buy us presents even though we specifically ask them not to.
The other option would be to cave in and start buying gifts again, but for 20+ people it just gets ridiculous and we really can't afford that.
Or should I just let them buy us gifts and just brazen it out and try not to feel bad about it?

What should I do?

I think they're very thoughtful but maybe not very empathetic. Try and take the long view - the baby will certainly allow you to accept their generosity and you may well be better off in years to come and then you can reciprocate.

Till then really simple home made baby gifts will be appreciated or easy recipes nicely wrapped are cheap and pretty. (My favourite is microwave lemon curd in pretty jars - cheap, easy, & just as good as the expensive brands!)

When they give you something you wish they hadn't smile and say thank you. Tell them they're really naughty and you'll get them back one day!

My mum says this every year because she hasn't got much money. Every year we get her something, she doesn't get us anything because she can't afford it.
The thing is, I don't want anything from her. i LOVE LOVE giving her things and making her happy and she's grateful. She tries to protest, but we know it's hard times and she loves what we get her.

Just try not to feel bad. It's not about you, it's about them wanting to treat you with gifts.

Well I'm in my 50's is that the older generation? I love buying presents for other people and really don't want anything back. I get my enjoyment out of the purchase, wrapping and giving a gift.
Can I send your baby a present next year? (My two have said they are never having children!)

YABU and i also think it sounds so rude to refer to gifts which someone has put thought into as "tat". So IMO rude on both counts. Try and losen up a bit.

GogoGobo So if you are gifted tat, you're just supposed to keep it and be overjoyed simply because it was a gift - an unwanted gift that the giver had been requested not to give?

Madness.

Just read the threads by people who didn't receive presents and the politics of who gave what to whom. Enjoy it, ebay the tat.

fairyliz thanks for the offer but my head may well implode if I have to deal with accepting a gift from a stranger

I appreciate referring to it as tat can be seen as rude, but it really is. Stuff we don't want or need and that will either be given to charity,sold on eBay or binned, really whats the point?

I got a calendar with kittens in human clothes, I kid you not.
Also a plastic candle stick shaped like a skeleton? Oh and smellies that are so perfumed it will really aggravate my sensitive skin.
One year I got a plastic light up jellyfish nightlight thing I don't even know what it was meant to do.
Bearing in kind some of these are from close family member who know me well and know my tastes, or at least I thought they did.

Christmas for my family is a box ticking exercise where as long as a present has been bought, nothing else matters, not even if it is appropriate or wanted. They give each other lists of DVDs and stuff and everyone just buys from lists, I really don't see the point in that. Just buy it for yourself and don't bother with presents...

hobbjobb I'm much happier to accept gifts from strangers! Since they don't know they're being rude and doing what I've asked them not to do, it's people who know me, have patiently listened to my requests and then ignored them that I have a problem with.

Read your list of gifts - ok, you're quite right. Glad I didn't get any of those! You'll have to smile sweetly and think of the laughs we'll have when you post on MN!

Aw chill out. I do this for my niece and always say to her don't buy for us. Actually she did this year which was lovely, but really I wish she hadn't because I know they are tight for money. It doesn't matter what the gifts are. If they are a bit off the wall, it gives you a little giggle on xmas day.