to be a little upset about MIL messaging DPs ex?

[Objection]

DP was with his ex for just over 3 years, they broke up because she cheated on him with 7 different men. (!!!)
Shortly afterwards DP met me and we started dating. Ex (who has a track record of being immature and a massive drama queen) set about trying to break us up (about 6 months in) including calling him at work, threatening to turn up at our house, sending him poetry and writing long long emails about how special their love was.
she eventually gave up and now, three and a half years on the only contact DP has is an unfortunate connection through his friend group.

I foubd out today that MIL, who knows all about the above - including the immense amount of pain she put DP through, has messaged Ex publicly through FB asking about her life and going on about how much she misses their "chats" and imploring her to keep in touch .

DP and I have just bought a house together but up to recently had been having a serious rocky patch. I get on well with MIL but I've never been sure she likes me much. I try hard with her and the whole family.

AIBU to be upset about MIL and ex? (I feel I probably am)

long. sorry.

Yabu sorry. Im still in touch with my ex inlaws, my relationship with them is separate from my relationship with my ex husband. My boyfriend is in touch with his ex inlaws too, and took Christmas cards etc round the other day.

So they talk, and have a relationship. You and your DP know. I really don't see the big deal.

I think you're probably reading too much into it.

She obviously got on well with her so that's why she wants her to stay in contact.

That has nothing to do with the rocky patch or your MIL's feelings for you IYSWIM?

Just to make it clear - I would never say anything to her and im not questioning her right to speak to anyone she likes.
It just makes me sad.

You're all right of course. The messages were just so familiar, both going on about how they love the presents they got years ago and inside jokes etc.

My feelings on this probably say a lot more about me

You are being unreasonable but I expect your feelings are quite normal. When you are with someone, there is often this desire to write the exes out. And I bet you wonder if she was really as bad as all that if his mother seems to like her. Detach.

I am not sure I would be happily in touch with a boy who slept with 7 different women behind my dds back.

Op I know of a similar situation, a MIL who is very too too, think Mrs Bucket....after years still prefers her sons first cheating wife, and in spite of this lady slashing her sons heart open, devastating him...she still thinks more highly of her than the very lovely mother of his children!

I would be sad about this too. But I know dh would go ad at his mum if she did this cause he hates his ex and would wonder why the hell she was contacting her. But as they were together 3 years maybe she finds it hard to let go and it's nothing against you? I know my mil liked my Dhs ex a lot and as often told me how pretty and lovely she is she even called me her name once lol. But dh made it clear to stay away.

She was his bloody stalker as well as ex. It's not appropriate. Nothing you can do of course but I would be livid if a parent kept in touch with someone who, "set about trying to break us up (about 6 months in) including calling him at work, threatening to turn up at our house, sending him poetry and writing long long emails about how special their love was."

That wasn't long

I would ignore it and leave your DP to say something to his mother if he wants to.

Unless this contact from MIL stirs up any more trouble for you and your DP from the ex. Or MIL insists on telling you and your DP all about his ex all the time.

It's sad if you feel your MIL prefers the ex to you but there's not much you can do about that.

For your own peace of mind, until you know that this contact between them is causing any real trouble for you and your DP, try not to let it get to you.

I almost never speak to my XH, but his mother calls here regularly. We have nice chats, and it allows her to talk to my DS without having to talk to my ex (they don't get on).

While it is clear you have very rough feelings for your DP's ex, you have no right to dictate who his mother is in contact with.

It doesn't need to affect you unless you want it to - and frankly, if you don't want to have it hanging over your head, block your DP's Ex on FB and you'll not have to see this at all.

Of course you're going to be upset. But as long as you aren't acting up and keep your thoughts to yourself then that's ok.

Thanks, Joy. My thoughts are as ever completely private and confidential - shared only with myself and the whole on MN