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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is unfair ?

24 replies

ladypanbanisha · 28/12/2013 14:53

We went to visit my sister and her dh on Boxing Day and stay for the night.

They have 3 dc's and I have 1.

My sisters dh is from a non Christian family but he is not strict or really practicing ( his own words ). My sister and her dh have highly paid jobs, many holidays , always fly 1 st class etc. I am a single mum ordinary job can't afford foreign holidays etc etc.

My mum asked me if I was doing my dd stocking at Xmas. I replied that of course I was and I do every year. My parents come to my tiny house for Christmas Day, I cook we all have a nice day.

On Boxing Day we get to my sisters and my mum hands out giant stockings to my sisters dc's saying 'Santa left these at our house ' . Her dc's say ' Santa came here too and we had stockings yesterday '
My dd does not get a Boxing Day stocking and sits and says nothing whilst she watches then open them but after we get home she asked why. I reminded her how she got a stocking and lovely presents so was not hard done by.

I wondered if my mum thinks that they won't get one as her dh is from a non Christian family but they have stockings every year at home.

I gave always felt my mum favours my sister and her family so this feels like another blow. I am not sure if I should mention it to her.

AIBU to feel sorry for my dd?

OP posts:
WaffilyVersatile · 28/12/2013 15:01

I would have been fuming! how insensitive to your dd.

Joules68 · 28/12/2013 15:01

so al the dc had a stocking at some point over Christmas?

eatyouwithaspoon · 28/12/2013 15:05

thats doesnt appear very kind, did you ask where your dd's was/why she didnt have one?

IDontDoIroning · 28/12/2013 15:11

So all the dc had stockings at their family homes but later when all together your DM gave your dsis dc an extra one each and not your dc.

If so YANBU.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2013 15:12

Yes but how many stockings did your mother do for each grandchild?

Any from other sources don't really count.

SparkleSoiree · 28/12/2013 15:12

That's really unkind. I would have had a quiet word with my mum and asked her if she had forgotten DD..

Janek · 28/12/2013 15:12

Yes joules, the op's dd got one, her cousins got two. With the second being given in front of her with nothing being given to her.

Was your mum not sorry/feeling sorry for your dd at the time? That's terrible, i wouldn't have known what to do with myself if i were you.

Original poster
ladypanbanisha · 28/12/2013 15:14

I thought they may not have had a stocking on Xmas day durn to my bil neing a non Christian but if turns out they did so all the dc got 2 stockings except my dd.

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 28/12/2013 15:14

Well presumably she asked your sister about the stockings too. Maybe your sister said no whilst you said yes, thus your mother didn't get them one.

ChasedByBees · 28/12/2013 15:16

Thats really awful, especially saying it was an extra one from Santa. That's obviously unfair.

Barefootgirl · 28/12/2013 15:16

I would be furious with your mum. I would also wonder why your sister and her DH allowed this to happen - if my mum tried to dole out presents to all but one child, they would all be put on one side "for later". Your sister is as bad as your mum.

PixelAteMyFace · 28/12/2013 15:16

YANBU. If I were you I would definitely mention it to your DM.

Surely if your DSis has been with her DH long enough to have three children, your mother has had plenty of time over the years to ascertain whether or not your sister's children have a stocking at Christmas?

SomethingProfound · 28/12/2013 15:19

YANBU how mean to leave your DD with nothing, she must of felt horridly excluded.

Tell your mother to spend Christmas with your sister next year.

PicaK · 28/12/2013 15:21

Did your daughter get presents from them on xmas day? And these were her presents to her other grandchildren? (Given in a weird" from santa" way.) ?

Purplepoodle · 28/12/2013 15:45

Why didn't you ask your mother where dd stocking was?

RunRabbit · 28/12/2013 15:53

I gave always felt my mum favours my sister

You need to nip this in the bud unless you want your DD to grow up feeling the same way - that your mother favours her other grandchildren.

Vivacia · 28/12/2013 15:53

So stockings are a christian thing? Just like Christingles and midnight mass or something?

Vivacia · 28/12/2013 15:54

It sounds like a (very careless) misunderstanding on the grandmother's part.

Joules68 · 28/12/2013 15:55

yes,it doesn't sound deliberate

Vivacia · 28/12/2013 15:56

What on earth did the other adults in the room do and say when they realised that there wasn't one for your daughter?

maddy68 · 28/12/2013 15:56

I think it was probably a misunderstanding however your mum should have got one for your child too

Original poster
ladypanbanisha · 28/12/2013 16:49

My bil has always said that his family do not celebrate Christmas at all so they did have stockings / cards / a tree etc when he was a child. His parents are very religious so they celebrated festivals just not Christmas. Due to this I was not sure how much Christmas celebration happened in their household as usually they stay with my parents. We had never visited them at Christmas time before.
I suspect my sister thought my dd had her 2nd stocking on Xmas morning. No one said anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladypanbanisha · 28/12/2013 16:51

All the grandchildren had presents from my parents. My sisters dc's had presents and the stocking.
I guess the fact that the stockings were very large and took ages to open made it worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladypanbanisha · 28/12/2013 16:52

Sorry typo - my bil's family did not do stockings etc when he was a child.

OP posts:
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