Hello, I am genuinely unsure here. Today I had a row with DH in which I told him I was fed up with having my life always planned out for me. He got fed up in return and said I was being unreasonable.
A bit of backstory: we've been together ten years, married for six. We hardly ever quarrel, we're good friends as well as partners. No kids. I moved out to the UK from the US to live with him after we got married. He's 22 years older than I, which is never really a problem except for times like this. He's retired (just turning 65) whereas I have a rather challenging job which I love. I'm also studying towards a new qualification here.
We're both quite sociable, enjoy having teas out with friends or hosting little parties. I get on with all his old friends, we've made new friends together.
BUT here's the thing: there is this ongoing constant challenge (battle?) between his wanting to plan outings, holidays, weekends away--and me wanting to do less. I keep having to explain to him that I can't just take unlimited holidays from work, and that it's actually quite stressful to have to get home late Sunday night from yet another city break and get ready for work the next Monday. I also like to have a little time to myself sometimes, just an unstructured Sunday to take a run or stare out the window, you know? I guess I'm more of a nesty person.
It came to a head this morning. Friend A (same age as my husband, also retired) had long ago invited us round to hers for New Years Eve. She lives about a half hour away, said we could stay the night. Nice, right? No problem. Come back on New Years Day, plenty of time for me to get myself together to dive back into work on 2nd January.
Then a few days ago, she contacted my husband and said she'd actually found out we can use the flat of an acquaintance who lives up in a hiking/nature area about a three-hour drive away. Why don't we go up there on New Years Eve and stay over? We could all drive back together on New Years Day.
It was presented to me as a fait accompli. I said okay but I need to be back on the actual afternoon of New Years Day. I have a bit of prep work to do for appts on 2nd January. The first day back at work after a holiday is always a bear, isn't it? I'll be working a little on Monday but our office doesn't officially open again until 2nd Jan and there'll be a deluge.
Anyway, this morning it came out that Friend A might want to stay up in nature area a little longer, her son might be there, and I'm afraid I exploded a little at husband and said that I couldn't just hang around there all day while everyone dithered. I didn't want to be coming home late on the night before I have to dive back into work. I said I needed to leave at 2 and no later and he said, "Well, you'll have to negotiate that with Friend A."
I admit I got wound up and said that I was tired of having my life planned out for me. I told him I was sick of having plans just made and then presented to me, and that no one ever considers that I have to work.
He said, "Don't go if you don't want to go," but got a bit fed up with me and said I was being self-centred.
Right now I'm thinking if I go I will just be ready to take the train home New Years Eve morning (longish taxi ride to train station, but doable). Or you know what? Maybe I just won't go.
Really--if I'm being unreasonable tell me so. It is absolutely a first-world problem I know but it's really become a point of contention between us.