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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody dh and his martyr act

37 replies

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 28/12/2013 13:12

He's currently engaged in what can only be described as a spring clean. He's had enough of the Christmas mess. He's huffing and puffing that everywhere is dirty and untidy because 'I never do it'. Hmm

I know I'm a sahm but I have been stupidly busy all month. I volunteer at the school four days a week, the shopping, housework and dog walking doesn't do itself, and dds birthday party and Christmas didn't bloody well happen on their own either. I am knackered and have had a few couple of lie-ins and just need a break and all he sees is me sitting here doing nothing.

AIBU to shove the duster up his arse?

OP posts:
Tmrgl · 28/12/2013 13:18

Not at all - shove it right up there.
I've been SAHM and my DH only learnt how much that involved after he moaned and nagged re money until I went back to work and he had to do half.
There are more people and more stuff around at this time of year and for once your DP can join in -take the dog for a long walk and leave him to humpf to his hearts content!!!

TheCrumpetQueen · 28/12/2013 13:18

Send him round here!

TheCrumpetQueen · 28/12/2013 13:19

Yanbu btw

SilverApples · 28/12/2013 13:23

OH does this sometimes, and it usually ends with him polishing wooden furniture with beeswax whilst being unable to see the dining table covered in papers and books and bits, or the wilting houseplants.
I let him get on with it.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 28/12/2013 13:23

Shove that duster up as hard as you can!

The ' you never do it' comment would really piss me off.

annieorangutan · 28/12/2013 13:24

I can understand him getting annoyed if its messy. Im sure once its tidy he will relax.

TheGreatHunt · 28/12/2013 13:26

So he's tidying up the Christmas mess? Christmas 2013?

Just ask him what his problem is and leave him to it.

SilverApples · 28/12/2013 13:28

'Christmas 2013'

Xmas Grin Yes, in our house that would indeed be a question.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 28/12/2013 13:29

This morning DH did that passive-aggressive-through-the-baby thing. "I'm a poor neglected baby!" in a cutesy voice, wiggling 3M DD2 at me, because she was chatting, whilst in her bouncer, and I didn't pick her up. So I took her off him and did cutesy voice "My Daddy is being a passive aggressive prick!" Grin Apologies and hugs and all is well.

Tell your DH he's being PA with his huffing, and he can either grow up and stop the strops, or next year he can sort out everything for Christmas and your DDs birthday while you keep the house clean.

YANBU, I'd probably be shoving it up there sideways! Grin

sadsaddersaddest · 28/12/2013 13:30

Mine does that too.
He doesn't realise that when he tidies and clean, I am taking care of our 3 DCs, whereas when I have to mop the floor with a one-year-old wriggling on my hip.

Original poster
Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 28/12/2013 13:32

So tempted. Glad I'm not totally BU.

I'll tell him to grow up and that he can sort Christmas next year. He's even complaining that the dds are making a mess with their new toys. Ffs.

OP posts:
Bloodyteenagers · 28/12/2013 13:34

Shove the duster up his arse as far as it will go, and tell him, you are going on strike for a week. Shouldn't be a problem for him, considering you do nothing.

annieorangutan · 28/12/2013 13:36

me and dh were like this on boxing day morning with each other and we both work but once we went crazy and tidied completely mood completely changed. Its just annoying when there is mess everywhere. I can see his point he is just getting frustrated, and the whole family atmosphere changes in a tidy house imo.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA · 28/12/2013 13:39

For Gods sake don't shove the duster up his arse - what is the matter wth you people Hmm

My advice - Vileda super mop - about 8" in and then give it a twirl! THen he can be clean from the inside out!

summerlands · 28/12/2013 13:39

Leave him to his spring clean! Yanbu

SilverApples · 28/12/2013 13:46

Once he's finished, he needs to go for a walk. Preferably with a child or two.
Walk off the grumpiness.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 28/12/2013 13:49

I am a grump when my home is a mess, it depresses me.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 28/12/2013 13:50

MY thoughts exactly LEM - except I prefer the steam mop Xmas Grin

What a dick.

I hate the place being in a complete state, so it gets cleaned - but I do it because it bothers me. We are at a friends for Christmas, several adults, several kids... so this morning I have tidied up everything, picked up all the 'bits' off of the floors, put everything in the kids 'Christmas bags', taken the recycling and rubbish out, dusted all the surfaces, tidied the cards and then when everyone else was up I put the dishwasher on and hand washed all the other bits and hoovered. Aahhhh.

I don't care how much mess the kids make with toys or how many glasses/cups get left anywhere now that it is clean at base level - but I did it, because it bothers me and I didn't harumph at anyone else, because none of them give a toss Xmas Grin Though they do all seem to appreciate it having been done.

Friends DH made a lovely brunch for everyone, while I made coffee - all is well.

If anyone told me it was in a state because I never do it - they'd get the steam mop shoved up their arse, followed by the hoover. Fuck wit.

Wait until he goes back to work and do absolutely nothing - then when he notices tell him that you are doing exactly what he accuses you of as you might as well enjoy what you are being accused of.

MmeLindor · 28/12/2013 13:51

My DH does this too. Drives me up the wall.

He decided today was the day to sort out the garage. I managed to rescue two boxes of stuff that he was intending taking to the tip - lucky the tip was closed and he had to bring it back home. Our DD's first little dress, and loads of my clothes that don't fit but will sometime soon if I get off my arse and lose some weight

I have learned to ignore but it is difficult sometimes. Does your DH also decide to sort out [something totally unimportant] on a day where you are trying to get organised? Mine decided Xmas Eve was the perfect day to clean and store the BBQ.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA · 28/12/2013 14:13

Chipping - will you be my friend?

PenelopeChipShop · 28/12/2013 15:00

Yanbu! Mine is similar. As others have mentioned mine will make a point of how he's managed to do some cleaning that I haven't - without making the connection that its a bit easier without the assistance of a one-year-old.

He also has no ability to prioritise at all - he once proudly told me he'd 'sorted out' the CDs and DVDs (ie rearranged them slightly) when the house needed hoovering and there was washing up to do. It was the fact that he thought I'd be grateful for saving me a job that really incensed me. And when I pointed out the actual housework he said he needed a rest from the cd sorting. Mind you I've only got myself to blame as that happened before we got married!

Original poster
Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 28/12/2013 15:38

LEM I like your style. Xmas Grin

It took me five minutes to pick the crap up off the living room floor and put it away. Room is tidy. He hasn't even noticed!

OP posts:
Blithereens · 28/12/2013 15:49

This is making me smile because my DH has randomly decided to sort out all his tools and fix the dodgy bit of the bed in a fit of DO ALL THE THINGS. I only asked him to do the bins and Hoover (both his jobs) so I could play with my new steam cleaner and get everywhere sparkly, but this is apparently National DH/P Does Random Jobs And Is A Bit Saintly About It Day!

PicaK · 28/12/2013 16:14

I was ill for a couple of days before xmas. DH has told EVERYONE how much washing he had to do (erm, like a normal amount) and put it away (well half of it).

I did appreciate just being able to hide under the duvet and him take care of things but if he asks me to congratulate him once more i'll strangle him!

iklboo · 28/12/2013 17:27

DH did stuff like this when we first got married. I printed an A4 picture of a medal & solemnly handed it to him the next time he started on his 'I have done lots of jobs' whinge.