Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About how it's usual to behave about presents after Christmas

16 replies

weregoingtothezoo · 28/12/2013 12:06

My DH and I are only having our 3rd Christmas together - so we're really just getting used to each other. Last year I was still a very honeymoon state but I now look back and realise this is a pattern.

My DH's pile of presents, with the exception of a jumper I bought him, is still under the tree, untouched. There's two games, one to do with a sport he does every week, chocolates, smellies, a book, and a few other bits - mostly from me but from his adult children and some other family members too.

I've got crafty or cookery things, and socks and books and smellies - and the majority are opened and worn, used, planned to use, etc.

I've felt quite upset - because I feel that if he liked what I've bought and chosen, he'd have wanted to get them out. We've had time to play games, and to indulge in baths or chocolates.

So we talked about it and he says he loves his presents, they are just right and he doesn't wish he had other things, but he's "less impulsive than me" and "doesn't see the need to rush into everything straight away". But this isn't straight away, this is 3 days after Christmas.

I think my problem is my attitude to it - my feeling of upset and almost a bit of rejection because I see it as him not liking what I've bought and finding it boring. I struggle to see his different ways of doing things and not feel judged by it, so for example I'm working on eg. his last minute attitude to presents and cards doesn't mean he doesn't care, just because I feel like having things in good time shows you think of and value the person. So maybe IABU because my attitude is too fixed and inflexible.

First world problem, sure, but AIBU to find his behaviour unusual, uninterested, and ungrateful?

OP posts:
greenfolder · 28/12/2013 12:09

its just him- youll get used to it and see it as a quirk. you are not going to change him!

LindyHemming · 28/12/2013 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Neitheronethingortheother · 28/12/2013 12:11

Yabu some people like to savour what they have and like having something for a whole before they open or use it. Ds20 likes to open his presents on his own in his own room. I have presents under the tree that I haven't opened yet but I will and it definitely doesn't mean that I don't like them or aren't grateful for them.

Musicaltheatremum · 28/12/2013 12:11

I often put my presents to the side over Christmas and bring them out again after all the fuss has died down. All my family are like this. Don't think it means anything to be onset.

HerlockSholmes · 28/12/2013 12:12

i don't think YABU- i can see why you would be a bit put out, but i think by talking to him about it you gave him an opportunity to say if he wasn't keen on anything and he says he loves it all so stop worrying.

i still have a few presents i havent looked at properly yet, presents which are gorgeous and i love, but i'm actually enjoying prolonging things a bit.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 28/12/2013 12:13

Its not necessary to open/use all gifts straight away.

I did find a perfume set I was bought 3 years ago in the cupboard though so I cant really say much Grin

I haven't opened 2 of my big gifts from mum or used them yet. In fact I have left them at my mums. Doesn't mean I don't like them or anything

thornrose · 28/12/2013 12:13

My presents are mostly untouched under our tree, I love them all. To me putting them away signifies the end of Christmas!

In a couple of days I'll really enjoy looking at everything, finding a place for it etc.

Could it be that?

BohemianGirl · 28/12/2013 12:14

I think you are making a massive mountain out of a molehill.

I don't like clutter so his presents would be upstairs out of the way, and/or spread round the bathroom, wardrobe/book shelves etc.

I have yet in my entire life, ever to look at a bottle of bubble bath and think "oh yes, I need to use this NOW" , I'm guessing your DH is much the same.

TBH you sound like you need approval that everything you have bought is acceptable - even though as you state in your OP it's all his presents remaining 'untouched' even those from his children.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 28/12/2013 12:14

Oh and I didn't do my shopping til 3 days before Xmas day and I didn't even send cards to family.

It doesn't mean anything other then I just waited to the last minute

PassAFist · 28/12/2013 12:15

The majority of my kids' presents are sitting untouched still. For the most part they are playing with things they had before Christmas. Some things have been looked at briefly, some things are still unopened.

Actually, DH hasn't touched any of his stuff either and, other than chocolate, I haven't really looked at any of mine.

Wonder why we bother really!

AMumInScotland · 28/12/2013 12:25

I think you have to accept that this is the way he is, and you are the way you are, and that is all part of life's rich tapestry!

But maybe you can both work on communicating, to make sure that each other does feel appreciated? Hopefully, even if he doesn't react to presents the way you might wish, he shows his love and appreciation for you in other ways - I can't recall where but I know I read an article once about how some people are much more focussed on saying 'I love you', some on marking birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, some by making you a cup of tea when you need it, etc. And that we all need to recognise that our partner is maybe showing it in different ways from us, but that doesn't mean they don't feel it, IYSWIM?

It sounds like you see value in presents, and visibly reacting to presents, as a way of showing love. And your DH deosn't get that. But, so long as he shows it in other ways, you both just need to adapt a bit to each other's ways of expressing it.

weregoingtothezoo · 28/12/2013 12:25

Good point about the doing Euphemia.

I guess I think that with the games/ activities, he's back at work today, and that if we didn't have time for games over the time we've been relaxing, then when will me

It does make me think, maybe we shouldn't bother, if we aren't that interested. PassAFist

I'm in a wheelchair so the reason I haven't moved them for him is that moving things is much harder for me, so I have left him to it.

Some of last year's are unopened and unused. I tried to give one away a couple of months ago and he wasn't having it. And I was still reminding him to finish his chocolates at Easter. I am not doing that this year. His chocolates, his business, not setting any precedents about taking on any sort of nagging role. I'm determined to change the bits of me that are the reason why I've never sustained a LTR before but I do doubt myself - yes maybe I am seeking assurance, which I should find in myself.

OP posts:
weregoingtothezoo · 28/12/2013 12:27

AMumIS that is really helpful. Yes, he does a lot of kind things like a lot of fetching and carrying for me, helping me, looking after our home. And I mark things, give, and maybe I need to see his appreciation differently.

OP posts:
SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking · 28/12/2013 12:29

He still has chocolates by Easter?! How is that possible?! Grin

He reminds me of my dad

BackforGood · 28/12/2013 12:50

YABU - he appreciates things differently. I itch at people that dive into their presents and tear the wrapping off (as in cellophane) as soon as they've opened them. I worry about pieces getting lost or forgetting who gave what (for the thank you notes) or losing an envelope with a gift voucher in or whatever, so like to do all that, calmly when Christmas is packed away coming up to 12th night.

weregoingtothezoo · 28/12/2013 12:53

I don't do that, BackforGood, and the thank you letters are almost all made and written, it's just that we've had 2 days of doing not a lot, friends popping round, it's not an energetic or chaotic Christmas here... plenty of time for enjoying company (and gifts, IMHO).

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread