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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to really want to tell some people to get a fucking grip!

17 replies

TheGoodLadyWife · 28/12/2013 04:32

Oh dear, I must be pissef off as I never, ever swear! But its 4am, I've been up 2 hours with upset baby and now wound up. I seem to have become the sponge for everyone else's crap. I just want to tell them all how it actualy is. Daily I hear dpil moan about how bad their lot is with regards to their business, I want to tell them to stop feeling sorry for themselves, they made some pretty horrendous decisions, left the business nearly banktupt and its only dh who has worked full time on it for the last year for no wages that has pulled it back. Instead I nod sympathetically, deal with all the financial, admin and legal bits in my 'spare' time and don't get a word of thanks. Dsis moans constantly about how tired she is all the time, I want to say well stop drinking every night and pissing off to the pub and it may not be so hard to get up at 7am with your 2 gorgeous children, but instead I gently suggest changes to and listen to her daily winges after being up for most the night with dc2 who has some tummy issues so rarely sleeps for more than few hours at a time. My other dsis is a complete oh woo is me person, christmas apparently was ruined cause her dh overcooked the dinner and they lost power for 24 hours the day before, not ideal I know, but a lot of people were in a damn sight worse position and still are. She slso constantly moans about no money, but can afford luxury clothes and 2 holidays a year. I want to shout that dh hasn't taken a wage for a year, we live off me squeezing a 4 day job into my evenings after looking after 2 young dcs all day, I'm knackered! Even then we only survive by being bloody careful!
Rereading all this maybe I'm the one who needs to get a grip and stop being a martyr door mat for everyone else!

OP posts:
Unclench · 28/12/2013 04:44

And ......Breathe....Smile
Aw, I have nothing helpful to suggest but hope you feel better just for letting all that out! Sometimes we all need a good rant!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/12/2013 04:48

YAcertainlyNBU. IMO, you need (and your DH by extension) to stop enabling the ILs.

Spermysextowel · 28/12/2013 06:11

The ILs don't seem to be the worst of your problems. You also have your sisters to contend with. I get the feeling that at heart you love them dearly but just find them truly annoying sometimes. I'm the same with mine; neither have the same lifestyle as mine so we have differences & proximity over Christmas makes this more apparent.
I don't think you're a doormat. I think that your post with all the 'I want' 'I want' rather than 'I did;said;have' shows dismay that nobody is listening to you as much as you listen to them but I don't think that you need their approval to know that you're doing a good job.

natwebb79 · 28/12/2013 08:13

You're nicer than me. I find saying what you actually think tends to sort these things out more quickly. I would definitely tell my sister what I thought about the drinking, and would be telling my DH to get a paid job and let his parents sort their own shit out. Stop being a door may as you sound like a lovely caring person who deserves better.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 28/12/2013 08:16

Yes you need to get a gripe and get off your cross.

Speak up.

FunkyBoldRibena · 28/12/2013 08:17

I'm with nat - and yes, stop being a bloody doormat/martyr and kick some fucking ass in 2014.

LucyLasticKnickers · 28/12/2013 08:19

i met someone who moaned about christmas - saying it shoudl be for big families, and he didnt have anyone, just the four of them.
ooh i was cross.

EirikurNoromaour · 28/12/2013 08:54

Why is your DH working for no pay? Is he a mug?

TheGoodLadyWife · 28/12/2013 09:08

Finally got dc2 down at 6am and managed an hoirs sleep so much happier now. Sjould clarify and ologise for dr feeding! In truth I'm very happy with my lot, I love all my family lots, though they irritate me hugely at times I would never want to hurt or upset them so I try and find ways of gently moving through situations. Dh was supposed to take on family business, its a very specific trade, when it came to him taking the reins we uncovered a lot of problems, pil blamed world but themselves, we made a conscious decision that we knew we would have to pull in our belts and work really hard to save it but felt for family legacy and dhs dream it was worth it, and it is getting there. My rant this morning was more about how I feel I have maybe been to empathetic, and everyone off loads their issues onto me, whether I agree with them or not, so yes maybe I need to take a stronger stance as I seem to have become the one everyone goes to to have a good moan! Though kinda ironic that I then off load here instead! Apologies for swearing in first post, rocking myoorly baby boy for 4 hours straight in the early hours does not bring out the best in me!

OP posts:
TheGoodLadyWife · 28/12/2013 09:08

Goodness me, excuse the spelling errors! New ipad!!

OP posts:
raisah · 28/12/2013 09:11

Print this thread off, give it to them to read & run away! Not helpful but years ago I did write a letter toi a person politely telling them what I think of them. It was the best thing that I did because I umped my worries on them so it no longer affected me so deeply. This person was genuinely shocked that I thought this of them, they were delusionally unaware that their actions had a negative impact on my life.bloody idiots They are now v careful around me.

raisah · 28/12/2013 09:12

Dumped not umped

Worriedkat · 28/12/2013 09:12

Most of this would be normal irritation if your DH was working for a wage independently of their business. I'd stop that right away. The business is not being pulled back, certainly not fast enough, if there are no funds to pay your DH. Situation unsustainable.

Worriedkat · 28/12/2013 09:14

Ok just read your update. Are you happy for DH to carry on working for free or is it getting on your wick?

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 28/12/2013 09:15

Ah, OP, mn is the place many of us come when we need to vent.

Hope your little one is feeling better now.

MrsSteptoe · 28/12/2013 09:15

We so need an I Just Want A Rant And Sympathy board on MN! You've picked a tough road, OP - good luck! XX

bakingaddict · 28/12/2013 09:34

Everybody's reality is different it's no point moaning about people. Your DH made the decision and choice to work for no salary and you to spend all your spare time helping doing admin stuff, so your decision is no less or more of a decision that your PIL's choices.

I don't think people intentionally think 'you know what lets fuck up a business that took years to build' they did it because of bad choices and some might say your DH is doing the same working for no money and you both putting all your energy into a struggling business which is leaving you frazzled juggling work and bringing up the kids. Sorry if I sound harsh but step back and control your own life, you both made the choice to do this so don't blame your IL's for that. I imagine it is tough but there must be perceived rewards or why would you do this

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