To be annoyed at DH and PILs?

[SuiGeneris]

Talking to PILs just now, they just for the first time mentioned they were thinking of staying with us Sunday to Wednesday. Yes, including New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. We have friends coming over both Tue evening and Wednesday lunchtime. AIBU to be annoyed that PILs just announced this now and DH immediately said it would be lovely? PILs are nice but I do not think our friends want to spend NYE and NYD with them. And I want to talk to my friends freely, in the way that you talk to people who are the same age and are in the same boat. Plus PILs don't eat what we eat, so we'd have to change menus, which we have agreed with said friends ages ago. How could PILs not realise we would have plans?!?

I think your DH is the one to blame here, if there is blame. He should have said you both needed to check what you were doing, or that you have plans, not just immediately jump in and say fine.

Also he needs to agree with you that it's okay, before agreeing with his parents.

Em you could try and tell them! Just get dh to ring and say we can't host after all as I forgot we already have visitors, job done.

I don't think its your PILs fault, you say you had plans - so why didn't your DH say so?

I did say we had plans- conversation was face to face and I was too stunned to be polite (already feeling guilty-but just a bit) and blurted out "but we have lots of people coming" and DH just went "oh, it's fine, you know them". Grrr!

If your DH was my DH I'd be freaking out at him the second we were alone. Make him undo it!

I am so cross I cannot sleep and have a headache. Plans for NYE were made months ago, friends are close but we do not see them often due to work, kids etc. I have been looking forward to this for months! Don't think DH realises quite how cross I am and how our friends would be displeased. Would anybody here be pleased to find their hosts' PILs had invited themselves to their NYE's party?
Oh yes, and the friends coming on NYD speak my language, so if PILs were there we would also all have to speak English instead.
DH is utterly lovely but I think he tried too hard to please parents without thinking of the impact on our friends.

He has already done this once and the friends who found themselves unexpectedly lunching with PILs are no longer close to us. We were taking about it today and yet he just went and did it again!!

Tell him to undo the invite, and point out that he can call his parents as he messed up.

I'd suggest that if DH will not undo it that he spends NYE with his parents and you spend it with your friends.

YANBU. That's a long visit - do PIL live far away? Can't you simply inform that you're terribly sorry, but DH should not have told them it was ok but you can have them for a day visit and dinner on x day beforehand?

Doubly YANBU - some people are unnaturally obsessed with spending all their free social time with their close families. Why family is nice, I choose my friends, because I have things in common with them, and tbh I have more fun with them. I left home and set out on an independent life, I don't see the point of living constantly in your parent's pockets as an adult.

If DH doesn't realise how cross you are tell him. Makesure he rings PIL to rearrange their visit for a more convenient time. Otherwise you will seethe, not have a good time, what way is that to enjoy your time with friends that has been planned for months. Seriously, have a severe word with him, make him see there is No Way you will accept this visit at the same time. Make it not about PILs themselves but about the mix, and about having basic manners to consult you privately before agreeing to such plans.

Not your pil fault, totally your dh. You need to tell him that he has to uninvited his parents and make sure your there when he does it so that if he blames you, you can kick him - hard!

Agree it's not your PiLs fault - they put it as a suggestion. It's your dh you need to be cross with, and it's him that needs to rectify it - perhaps phoning and suggesting an alternative time.

Then it is down to you to make sure your DH knows how angry you are about this and that he needs to man up and tell his parents that he's sorry, but it's not happening. Difficult conversation to have, admittedly, but next time he will be a little slower opening his big mouth!!

NYE or Hogmanay as well call it is for friends. YANBU. Very selfish of pils.

IF he needs an 'out' just get him to tell them that you are having a ' (whatever you native language is) night where everyone will be eating the relative food, speaking x language etc and that it's not appropriate to have people there who can't join in with that as the others will be uncomfortable and it has been arranged with your friends for ages and to come another time'.

Tell him this is his only option if he wants to start the New Year off happily.

Yes what chipping says. It's really important he sorts this out.

Yanbu to want to spend new year with friends. But I am very shocked that your friends are no longer close with you because they had lunch with your in laws. What did they do?

100% DH fault not PILs. Has DH uninvited them yet? He needs to, or else arrange to go out for a meal with his mum and dad while you stay and have a fun evening with friends.