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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's probably not safe d

19 replies

Identityunknown · 27/12/2013 21:59

To pick my three year old up by the ankle and hold them upside down?

Family member has done this to them occasion since they were about one. I want it to stop. Am I being precious? Child is rather heavy now, and I am not entirely sure it's a safe thing to be swinging a three year old by an ankle?

Bit scared to say anything as there was an incident with same person feeding child food I didn't want them to have at 8 months and my reaction caused a shitstorm.

Said person is always lauded as 'beng great with kids' and is about to have their own. I am thinking I could hold out until their child is born and hope they realise how stupid they are but getting very close to just being quite plain about my dislike of said activity.

Have name changed and am being vague about details.

Ready to be told it's all fine and I worry too much if that is the case.

OP posts:

littleblackno · 27/12/2013 22:02

I don't think i would like it with my child. I think i would say something, your child, their safety and sod the shitstorm.

CailinDana · 27/12/2013 22:05

You are the child's mother. If you're not happy, you have every right to say so and if others don't like that they can fuck off.

ReluctantBeing · 27/12/2013 22:06

I wouldn't like that to be done to my child. You should tell them.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 22:10

That wouldn't bother me, assuming the person doing it is a fully grown adult not an older child.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2013 22:11

One ankle is strange, I've never known it.

YANBU to not want them to do it but YABVU to allow it to continue.

Why on earth do you want to wait until they have a child of their own?

This is your child and if you don't protect him/her, then who else will?

Rosencrantz · 27/12/2013 22:12

Depends on whether or not I trust the person, and if DC is having fun.

Obviously if DC is distressed I will stop it straight away. If she is giggling away, I'll let it continue.

BakeOLiteGirl · 27/12/2013 22:12

I occasionally hold my three year old upside down by her legs - below her knees but not ankles. She loves it though. I would never do it to someone else's child.

2kidsintow · 27/12/2013 22:13

My DH has only just stopped picking DD2 up by her ankles and swinging her about. She's 9 and now her head is too close to the ground when he does it, so he's stopped.

It wouldn't bother me, but then I remember being swung around as a child by my Dad and my girls loved it when they were small enough.

No accidents that I recall in the 12 years (DD1 is now 13 and she liked it too).

meditrina · 27/12/2013 22:19

Well, DH dangled DCs by their ankles until they became too big to lift comfortably.

The one question (indeed the only question that matters) is if the DC enjoy it, assuming you have no reason to suspect DC might saying anything other than genuine reaction.

Original poster

Identityunknown · 27/12/2013 22:19

Yes, I feel shit for not having said anything. DH says nothing either. His mother has, and his partner.

I think when he did it when my child was one it worried me less because it was gentler, and my child was lighter. Now he is heavier. My child doesn't object, finds it funny and so on but it's reall starting to bug me because he grabs his leg and turns him upside down without thinking about what furniture is around to bang his head on.

I have stood back and tried to allow the 'fun guy' routine as some of it is just fun, but lately. Have felt like I need to say something - certainly more so since his mother and partner have objected.

Beginning to understand that my self-esteem and ability to object to things has been seriously shot by previous incidents where I was made out to be too protective or concerned.

OP posts:

Original poster

Identityunknown · 27/12/2013 22:23

This is one ankle, not two.

Grabbed by an ankle and swung upside down or lifted upside down, usually from a lyng position.

Maybe I am being precious?

Maybe my question is more about my inability to speak up about the safety of my own child because I don't have the support I need. Anyway, thank you. Something to think about.

OP posts:

BakeOLiteGirl · 27/12/2013 22:27

It doesn't sound like you are being precious. Your child is not a rag doll to be dragged around by others. If it's making you feel uncomfortable it's not on.

monicalewinski · 27/12/2013 22:36

My boys have always enjoyed being thrown about, and the more 'dangerous' (in their minds) the better, but if I had felt in the least uncomfortable with what anyone else was doing with them, I'd have said something.

You are not happy with it, so you must say - if you don't, it won't stop. Tell your husband you want him to say something next time, and that you want him on side.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 22:38

One ankle is weird.

Now that has been clarified - I probably would be bothered by it.

Two ankles = even weight distribution, less likely to lose banalce etc.

Yanbu.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2013 22:49

If you feel you can't speak up, then ask your DH to do so?

I'm assuming he agrees with you?

2kidsintow · 27/12/2013 22:49

Um.... less happy to hear that they aren't taking care of what's around that might be a hazard or that they are only doing it with one ankle.

I'd be going with a shriek of "Be careful!" if it was me.

rabbitlady · 28/12/2013 00:06

i'd just say no. this isn't the way to treat a human being.

rabbitlady · 28/12/2013 00:07

think about it - is this also done to your cat? how would mn react if a cat or small dog, hamster, guinea pig or rabbit had that kind of treatment from a visitor?

notanotherusername1 · 28/12/2013 08:49

No I would not find it acceptable in any way.

It's not good that you feel scared to say anything, can understand why you don't want another scene but then that makes me cross on your behalf because why does one person in your family seem to feel this sense of control of your child.

This person needs telling straight you want them to stop. I think the time has come to be firm but you need dh to back you, it's no good if he continues to say nothing. You need support with this, sounds like you have some from other family so use them to back you.

Good luck.

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