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AIBU?

to ask for a some internet strangers to give me a couple of minutes of their time (longish)

55 replies

Binkyridesagain · 27/12/2013 12:42

because I feel so alone? I am sat in my PJs knocking back cups of tea whilst silently sobbing to myself whilst my husband sits at the dining room table looking for places he can rent.

We have has an almighty row that has been brewing since Christmas morning, when I realised that after 18yrs together he still doesn't know me. I received from him tickets to see War horse which I have wanted to see at the theatre since I read the book, whihch I am happy about but my DD had to tell him this is what I wanted as the repeated 'I would love to see that' wasn't a big enough hint for him.

I then also received a 4.6lb tin of shortbread because I like shortbread. I do but not that fecking much.

To top the presents off I was also offered the chance to have a hysterectomy done privately, a procedure that I do not need and I do not want, the reason was I had complained about the crimson bastard. As soon as he suggested it I politely refused and left the room before I decked him.

As a result of this he spent the rest of Christmas ignoring me because he felt guilty, so I spent Christmas day on the sofa watching the DCs play with their toys whilst he did everything to avoid being in contact with me. The only time he came near was when we was eating and when Dr Who came on. That evening he climbed into bed next to me, grunted night at me then fell asleep, no kiss or cuddle.

I have tried explaining to him that the presents are not the issue, its the lack of thought that has gone into them and that even though my hobbies and interests are on full display to anyone that walks into my home, he still insists that he has no idea what to get me. I can't be more bloody obvious.

I don't think I deserve to be ignored because he feels guilty, I don't think that I deserve such a lack of thought in gift buying (BTW he didn't used to be like this).

I am so confused, looking back on what I have written and I'm thinking Don't be so bloody stupid Binky, get a grip. But then I think hang on a minute how many times has he done something that he hasn't thought through properly and pushed your tolerance levels to the limit.

I honestly don't know which way is up at the moment.

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RedToothBrush · 27/12/2013 13:17

It sounds like he's TRYING just failing. So think how that might feel to him.

There is a big difference between no effort and just being shit.

It doesn't mean he doesn't know you. There is more to knowing someone than knowing what to buy them.

I have had blazing rows with my DH over presents before, but its him thats in your shoes. Part of it, is because he has everything he wants or is so specific about what he wants that he pretty much has to tell me at great length so I get exactly the right thing. The other part is to do with his past and how his parents treated him, that left him feeling unloved and very insecure.

He equated presents with love and thats the problem.

I think you need to think about how rejected your DH might be feeling right now. In his eyes, he feels he's tried but its still not good enough for you. I'm not entirely surprised he's looking for somewhere else because the message you've given him, isn't one that says 'I love you' either.

TBH I do think there is more to this story to whats posted above but without knowing it I think its impossible for anyone else to know the full picture. I think perhaps you need to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about whether there is more to this than just presents.