should I pay the train fares for DCs?

[NigellasDealer]

to give a bit of background I should have some CSA money coming in after it was stopped by ex for three months, but do not have internet banking so cannot find out if the money is there without driving into town and my car is fucked. We live in deep deep country btw.
right so ex has decided he would like the children to visit him and I should pay the fares and 'he will pay me back' (like fun he will).
the fares would be just over £50.
previously he stopped paying for over 7 years and has no regular contact of any kind.
additionally when we had SS intervention he claimed to them that I had 'always prevented him from seeing the children' - this was an outright lie as there were many many times when I took them to London on the train to meet him at my expense and on several occasions he cancelled at the last minute or just didnt show up and switched his phone off. After that there were quite a few years when he made no attempt at contact.
he has just been on the phone to them, refused to talk to me about it, and left the son as go-between between us.
I am now really hand to mouth and do not see why his CSA money should go towards facilitating contact
oh crumbs now he is on the phone again and wants to discuss it with me....
brb.

No it doesn't warrant disowning at all, it's just lazy parenting isn't it? He sounds like a child. Playing games and trying to rile you up

And if his shoes are falling apart, which I'm sure they're not, it's a perfect excuse for him to put his hand in his pocket

Sorry your DC not 'his'

thank you danaan and baubles for your supportive posts - you and linerunner are right, I am vg at being assertive on the internet, time to make sure I am equally so in real life!
my dad was furious (as an ex smoker!) but mostly about the £3 - I mean it should have been at least ten or twenty really shouldn't it, for phonecalls, snacks, busfare and emergencies. It was from the south midlands to west wales ffs.

Yes get that forum fire in your belly at aim it at that tosser. The smoking is a none issue he's just trying to pin anythin on you and make you feel bad

So he didn't make sure DS could get home safely? What kind of Dad does that? A 15 YO thinks they are invincible but a DF should know better.

Mind you I think you are being too relaxed about the smoking. I wouldn't be excusing it but asking for help in getting DS. Are you paying for the cigarettes?

*getting DS off the cigarettes

aim it at that tosser will do
Are you paying for the cigarettes? well I guess so indirectly yes...

The bloke's a twat.

Try to avoid commenting on him and instead concentrate on your own positive parenting.

Your children can draw their own conclusions about him and you just need to support the choices they make regarding him and be ready to comfort when their father has more twatty moments in the future and reassure them that they are amazing kids.

I'd talk to both kids when they get back and let them know that they need to make their own arraignments to visit their Dad if they want to see him. I was doing that at 12.
Ask do they really want to put themselves through that again at 15 if my Dad had gone through my bag sniffing my stuff I'd have been horrified and insulted and not want to stay over with him again.

How does your ds feel about the whole thing?

well you are right squinkies, my dad did not live with us when I was that age and he would not have dreamt of behaving like that, and we made our own arrangements although that was easier as he was only a few miles away.

sparkly I will not share the language with you but suffice to say he will not be going there again in a hurry...
i feel sorry for him really.

i know smoking is bad but it doesn't mean you stop being their parent does it? No of course it doesn't! I started smoking at 13, my parents found out when i was 15, they never disowned me for it, although my mum used to tell me that I stunk and sprayed me with airfreshner/deodorant every time she walked into the room. She also told me constantly that no one wanted to snog an ashtray (little did she know the only guy I wanted to snog smoked too.)

That is a long journey to survive on £3, especially as getting a hot drink on the train costs an arm and a leg.

I do so hope he scratches his jag on a hedge.