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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel annoyed with MIL?

13 replies

ohcluttergotme · 26/12/2013 13:43

Myself and dh take it in turns to spend Christmas Day with our families. The family we go to for dinner we spend a couple of hours with the other.
This year I have been taking my children to church and we went on Christmas morning where my children were part of the nativity.
We had said we would pop in on my parents then go to visit in laws who recently moved a 40 minute drive from where we stay.
We had said that we would go to in laws for 3pm.

My dh got a text message off of his dm on Christmas Eve detailing the menu choices and asking us to choose what we would like and that the starter would be served at 2pm.
My dh had already been making a song and dance about the timings of everything, "could we miss church?" "No time to visit my family"
I phoned my own dm and said we wouldn't be able to pop in. My dm said not to worry, her and my df and db and dsil would be coming to church and would see us then.
My db and dsil are over from overseas just now and came back briefly after church but my dh was in such a tizzy to get packed up and leave so as to arrive at his dm's before 2pm.
We did arrive before 2pm and I gave dm a kiss, said merry Christmas and then didn't see her or dfil for nearly an hour as they weren't ready. We sat down to starter at 3pm. I felt like what was the rush! I could of spent some more time with my family without it all being such a rush.
Barely saw in-laws, tried to help with tidying up and mil kept saying just sit down and relax but all felt a little stressful.
At dinner the little ones had small crackers and older ones had big crackers and my ds (4) was told he wasn't allowed to do the big one. His aunt shared her cracker with him and then he won and my mil made him give her his toy although he won but mil said it was aunts cracker! My sis in law really wasn't bothered about small plastic mirror.

It was a long day and at 8 I said to ds we had to get ready as we going home soon. We had been up since before 6 after late Christmas Eve getting everything done and I still had to drive the drive back home. I'm also 16 weeks pregnant and was feeling really tired. Really wanted to avoid overtired meltdown from ds.

My mil went up to ds who didn't want to leave and said "is your mummy a big spoilsport" I really didn't think I was being a big spoilsport?

It's all left me feeling a bit disappointed but maybe it's just me being over sensitive, over tired and hormonal?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 26/12/2013 13:46

The cracker story is a shocker!!! Who gives a monkies about the sodding gift...let the kid have it ffs!

Rachelx92 · 26/12/2013 13:47

Did your mil know you were visiting your family first? I think best thing would've been to tell her you're seeing them for a little while and will then head over. There was no need for her to call you a spoilsport though

WorrySighWorrySigh · 26/12/2013 13:53

break.the.tradition

Stay home for Christmas. Visit family on other days when there is less tied up with the day.

Original poster

ohcluttergotme · 26/12/2013 13:54

Formerbabe, I couldn't believe it with the cracker but thought best to just keep quiet, maybe this is some weird family tradition that they have always done?

OP posts:

LineRunner · 26/12/2013 13:57

Spoilsport? I hate that passive aggressive shit, using kids to deliver petty messages.

Original poster

ohcluttergotme · 26/12/2013 13:57

Rachel, yep his dm knew as it is the way we have done things for at least the past 6 years.
Worry think you may be right but then I love the years that I spend with my family so wouldn't want to miss that so feel I have to go so as we go to mine the following year.
Phoned my dm today and they all had such a lovely day

OP posts:

HorsePetal · 26/12/2013 14:06

So you are basically saying that not one single part of your day went your way?

Why do you and your DH allow your inlaws (or anyone else for that matter) to dictate to you in this manner. What you should do, where you should be etc?

You are an adult now, parents yourselves. Time to put a stop to it, put yourselves and your children first and expect others to fall into place around YOU.

DMIL won't like it of course but that is her problem, not yours.

RedLondonBus · 26/12/2013 14:10

but you left out all the good bits about the day and just told us your annoyances.....hardly fair

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2013 14:13

Um, seems to me a lot of the pressure was from your DH not his mother.

My dh had already been making a song and dance about the timings of everything, "could we miss church?" "No time to visit my family"

Next year, you'll have a nearly one year-old. Stay at home and do it your way.

Original poster

ohcluttergotme · 26/12/2013 14:26

Your probably right RedLondon, they're was masses of good bits. The morning with dh and dc, the church service mad dc being part of it with my dm, df, db, dsil & dn's there.
The time spent with my other dbil and dsil at the inlaws. My dc loving the day and getting loads of lovely presents.
Watching my 4 year old having a giggle with his cousins.

Having a 3 course meal made for me and not having to lift a finger!
Coming home and ds crashing out, dd content and watching Michael McIntyre and then a good nights sleep.

I was maybe being a bit negative!

OP posts:

Original poster

ohcluttergotme · 26/12/2013 14:28

Nanny, I think dh gets himself stressed a bit by his dm which then stresses me.
Next year it's our turn to go to my families and dh has already said we're not driving through to his parents first as it's too much running around for us.

OP posts:

CaptainSweatPants · 26/12/2013 14:30

That's the thing though , you got dinner cooked for you & you dudbt have to buy it
What you could do next is spend the whole day with one family & spend boxing day or Xmas eve with the other side
Then no need to rush
Or invite everyone to yours as you'll have a young baby next year

Original poster

ohcluttergotme · 26/12/2013 14:54

Completely agree captain, we always try to please everyone but from next year just going to spend it with one side.
It's all about compromise isn't it as we would both rather spend every year with our own.

Thinking about it now though, if we had went straight through to inlaws after church then inlaws could of spent some time with us before we sat down to dinner and all children could have opened presents at the same time.

OP posts:

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