To suggest we don't exchange presents with BIL next Christmas?

[Topaz25]

This year BIL made a point of saying disparagingly to DH "I don't know what to get you for Christmas because you have no hobbies or interests." Off the top of my head, DH's hobbies and interests include computers, gardening, running, eating out and going to the cinema, nature and animals. Plenty of present potential there! I sent BIL a link to tickets for a local wildlife centre, which DH would have loved but BIL said he'd thought of something else. So on Christmas Day we gave him a book and a video game he wanted. He gave us a cat mug each, so far so good and...flea collars and drops We have cats but we already use flea prevention. He's previously made critical comments about our house being untidy so I feel like this was another dig Even if he genuinely thought they would be helpful he could have given them to us another time, I was so embarrassed to excitedly unwrap a Christmas present and find flea collars I don't give presents to get presents but I do put a lot of thought into them that I would like to see reciprocated and I feel his gift was thoughtless. WIBU to ask him not to bother next year?

Yes, tell him not to bother, he sounds horrible. Flea collars for Christmas?

YANBU- we don't exchange presents with adult members of dh's family and it really reduces cost and hassle.

Same here Casmama, only gifts for DCs now.

This is why we only do presents for children and token gifts for our parents!!! Exchanging gifts is a nightmare and costs a fortune - years ago we all sat down and decided to just enjoy Christmas.

Thank you, I'm glad you don't think I'm BU. The thing is, the other adults we exchange gifts with, including BIL's girlfriend, give us nice things and are grateful for what we give them, so we don't want to stop exchanging presents with all adults, just him.

Buy him a goat donation next year.

He sounds an arse and nasty with it. Defintely don't bother next year. Do you do birthdays as well? Don't do that either but only stop after your birthdays if they come first.

I don't think you could exchange with everybody else and not him, as basically that would involve telling him that he's a knob who gives shit presents. However, next year I'd put no thought (or much cash) at all into his gift - a charity goat is deffo the way forward.

As you still want to exchange with every one but him I would just put a lot of thought into the most hideous (and cheap) present you can find for him. I suggest you check out the pound shop for something appropriately crap.

He's unpredictable, he can be nice when he wants to be occasionally but he can be an arse. I actually knew him before DH as we were in the same group of friends but we have never been close. I feel like I have been making an effort with him for years now, first as a friend and then as a family member and maybe he doesn't really like me. For example, I often used to invite him and his girlfriend round for Sunday dinner but stopped after his critical comments about the house.

Yes, we do birthdays and his is first, it's actually today! It's awkward because we have already got him a present and arranged to all go round to MIL's house so I can't back out now, even though I don't really want to see him.

He's normally alright with birthdays, he took DH and I for a meal on my last birthday, which was nice but he normally just gives a tenner in a card. That's why I thought the wildlife park tickets would be the perfect Christmas present for him to get DH because they are only £11 so I knew they were in his budget. It annoys me that he actually spent more than that on flea collars, which makes it clear it wasn't a financial issue, but that he was willing to spend more on something that made us feel bad than on something that would have made us happy. Definitely arse-y!

That's fine, just casually mention in August or September you don't want to exchange gifts this Christmas as you are trying to cut down a bit.

I dunno, flea stuff is expensive, I wouldn't turn my nose up at it!

Get dh to talk to him. If he doesn't jump at the chance just buy him shower gel set or shaving stuff or similar no thought pressie.

Just because something is expensive does not make it a good gift. Like I said, I would have preferred he spent less money on something meaningful.

I don't see why you should give him the gift you got for his birthday today. Just swap it for something crappy instead.

Why didn't he give you a box of chocs instead of a flea collar? Either set up a gift wish list & direct your BIL there or don't bother with him next year.

My cat would have been insulted to receive a flea collar but given to a cat would have made more sense!

get him air fresheners, trainer tamers and deodorant next year. Don't put a label on the wrapper and have a nice gift as well in case he reforms, so you can give him whatever seems appropriate..

Some good ideas, thanks!

I would def have preferred chocolates! It would be great if he would stick to a gift list, I might suggest it next year. I am just worried he wouldn't because this year I made a suggestion when he seemed stuck and he ignored it and got flea collars instead!

Maybe a phallic "soap-on-a-rope" for being a dick

Your DH sounds like a dream to buy for (running socks, gloves, luminous vest, spring bulbs for the garden, vouchers for local garden centre) - I could go on.

Flea collars!!! I have a cat but would be upset to receive flea prevention as a Christmas present. I wouldn't want cat litter, poop scoop or cat food as a present either. I think the idea of telling him in August/September is best.

Our family decided years ago to buy Xmas presents only for children. Once they are 18 they get no more.
When we were older and parents became elderly, we bought our parents presents.

Is he a bit odd in other aspects of life?

My dad enjoys finding and giving "useful" presents like de-icer spray, fire extinguishers and office-sized packs of biros. He's never gone as far as flea stuff for the dogs, but he'd think he was saving us having to get it for ourselves.

We mentioned it in passing last night, couldn't resist as he was complaining about a gift he'd received from a mutual friend. He used the "flea stuff is expensive" argument and we dropped it because it was his birthday. Because of his previous criticisms about our house I thought the present was meant as a passive aggressive dig but giving him the benefit of the doubt he may genuinely have thought he was being helpful by saving us money. The thing is I have a very different attitude to presents, to me they're the little luxuries you want but wouldn't necessarily buy for yourself, like the video game we gave him, not a way to save money on something you'd buy anyway. Also flea prevention has a different connotation to other practical presents like pens, it made me feel like he was saying we don't take care of our pets or our house is dirty. And we don't use flea collars anyway because we've heard they're not that effective so it was a total waste of money he could have spent on something we would have enjoyed. I hope I can get him to stick to a list next year.