What can I do?

[Mosschopz]

DB and partner split nearly 4 years ago and exSIL and her nearly 17YO daughter (raised by my DB from 18 mths old) have had v difficult relationship ever since. He is hounded for being a bad dad if he fails to contact but berated by both exSIL and DD when he does. ExSIL has MH issues and demands money on top of what DB gives her and guilt-trips him/bans him from seeing DD when he refuses.

DB's DD refuses to see her GP's (mine and DB's parents) who doted on her for years. She has seen then twice since split. Recently my DM was diagnosed with cancer and DD

loads of 'heartbroken' stuff on FB and twitter but didn't want to talk to me or DB about it.

DB went round to see DD (on demand from exSILwith presents yesterday and asked her why she was so upset him him; he got the usual load of abuse. She refused, again, to say what the problem was. He is desperate.

I have tried to build bridges with DB's DD by being a good auntie: offers to stay, birthday and Christmas presents...rarely any acknowledgement. AIBU to finally sever ties altogether or does this kid need me?

DD 'put' loads of stuff on FB I should say.

I would step away. And although difficult for your DB, I would encourage him to step away too. When the girls is older and got past all her teenage angst, she may come looking for him. Harsh though it seems he isnt financially responsible for her, if he and his ex have no shared children, he has no reason to see either of them again.

Thanks, that was my feeling too, but it just felt so hard.

I wouldn't walk away. He is her dad regardless of biology. I'm not saying it isn't hard but please don't give up on her.

FWIW, my parents split up when I was 12 and my mum used me to get at my dad. This went on until my late teens.

It did affect my relationship with my dad but I was manipulated into thinking and feeling a certain way and believing certain things that just weren't true.

I'm not saying this is happening with your DN but it does happen. Also in a couple of years she will be an adult and your DB won't need to go through her mum. That should hopefully make things easier.