to be fed up with being ignored on Christmas and every other holiday

[tiredoldmum]

Holidays and my birthday are just painful occasions for me.

I received no cards, no phone calls, no gifts from anyone and this has gone on for maybe 8 years.

I received a facebook message from my kids. That is all.

Up until 2 years ago, I gave lots of lavish gifts but stopped as I didn't even get any acknowledgement of receiving the gifts. No thank you. No btw mum I got the gifts you sent nothing.

My own mum just ignores me unless she wants some money. really that is all it seems I am good for, when someone has a problem or wants money.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say - I have the social skills of a house brick - I hope someone more useful will be along soon.

YANBU. Do you understand why your kids behave like this? Could you raise it with them? I'm so sorry - it's so hurtful to make an unacknowledged and massive effort. And your Mum sounds pretty mean tbh. Sending a hug.

Tiredoldmum so sorry to read your story - is there some back history to this, as it seems incredible that your children are so thoughtless they cant be bothered to make a fuss of their mum at Christmas for 8 years

Do you tell them how you feel? Do they see you at other times of year? Do you live near them, do they even come to visit/stay with you?

Feels wrong on so many levels, Gosh [I presume] these are people you have brought up and cared for, for goodness sake.

Good advice from oldbagnewbag there, make your own plans and friends in the future, it does help to at least feel empowered.

I'm really sorry you feel your efforts were taken for granted. I love giving and receiving gifts, I can see how hurtful it would be to be overlooked like that.

How old are your dc? I can't imagine not getting my mum anything, I've always got her something, since my early teens anyway. And these days my mum's one of the main people I think of when planning/buying gifts.

Maybe we can nominate you for the mumsnet secret Santa thingy (its late, my bed is calling - i cant remember the proper name for it!) next year and make sure you get something nice :)

Thank you for the kind words. I am not sure what the problem is. I think before maybe it is because their Dad had them get me something. He passed away so they have to remember for themselves.

They always seem to have money for what they want.

They are plenty old enough to know better at 31 and 25.

Not all that worried about my mum after all these years. She is incredibly cruel to her grandson the way she is cruel to me. He is handicapped too. Too much to even go into on here.

About a month after my son's father passed away (long battle with cancer), he was looking at photos and crying and she came in there and told him it was odd to keep looking at those photos. She said I thought you didn't like your father all that much. Just an evil cruel woman.

I have to give my son some credit as he is the only family member who calls me. He has also sent me flowers a couple times for no reason at all.

She is horribly cruel. But being given flowers for no reason is so lovely, so fair play to your son for that. But at 25 and 31 they really should know better. Someeople, though, really do seem to think that adults, and especially parents, don't have feelings ( even though as adults they should know better). Maybe you could tell them that you're hurt? And they should remember that as much as they lost a father, you lost a husband. Grief does make people blind and selfish, and then habits set in. AlfAlf's idea for an award is a great one!

Personally, I think you should tell them how your day went and how sad you are. They sound like they need a kick up the arse.

Happy Christmas Op. I'm sorry you are sad. Sending you big hugs for Boxing Day.

Lots of love

Minnie xxxx

Where do your children spend Christmas, if not with you? I know they are older and probably have their own families, but it's most peculiar that you aren't invited for the day

tiredoldmum people have different ways of handling grief and perceiving how others deal with it. So your mum's reaction to your son's loss was probably a bit of "stiff upper lip" akin to "surely you must be over it by now?" sort of crass comments, and it could have had the effect of hardening your son against showing his feelings. No excuse, but Im trying to think of things based on the info you gave. Sometimes people show no empathy when it doesnt affect them directly

It is never too late to build bridges and maybe now the festivities will be drawing to a close its time to have a heart to heart with your children so they can appreciate how you feel.

So many people would love to have a caring mum like you!

I live in another country which makes it difficult to visit.

My mum certainly isn't a stiff upper lip kind of person. She moans constantly about my father being gone and he has been gone 10 years. Nobody says anything to her. We figure she is just sad he is gone so let her be.

So she has a double standard. She can moan about anything as long as she wants but others are not allowed to be sad.