Tell me if I am being a grumpy old woman.

[ArgumentsatChristmas]

The scene - Christmas Eve at SIL's. I love my SIL. I cannot actually imagine having a better SIL. She is much older than me and has two grown-up DCs, and they have four children. She has a small house and the dining room can only sit 8. She invited me, DH and our two galumphing teenagers (and trust me they are big), together with her and her husband, and their two children, one partner and her four, small grandchildren. So there were 9 fully grown people, and four very small people all under 5. The dining room could only sit 8, but there was a space for one person in a corner. There was a tiny table in the kitchen for the tots, which could sit 6.

So here is what happened. My SIL decided it would be a buffet, we would serve ourselves and then sit at the table. That's fine. It was kind of assumed that the parents of the small people would attend to the small people in the kitchen. But then one of the small people piped up that they wanted to sit at the big table. So the Mum of one of the small people took her three into the dining room, sat them down at the adult's table and then proceeded to take ages feeding them nothing but mashed potato and gravy.

That meant that the table intended for adults was in fact populated by three small people plus a Mum. That left only four spaces for 9 adults. We all had to make shift for ourselves. DS ate in the kitchen standing up (he couldn't fit in the small person's chair - he is a hulking rugby-player). DD sat in the Conservatory which was freezing cold. I sat in the living room which was warm but lonely.

So AIBU to think that SIL's DIL is massively selfish forcing several adults to camp out all over a small house eating solitarily, instead of feeding her children where she was intended to feed them?

Why didn't anyone say anything?

I think the issue is with your SIL for inviting more people than she could comfortably seat.

I think it was one of those situations where we were all paralysed by politeness, and assumed that SIL's DIL would actually move her children to where they were supposed to be sitting. But I feel really grumpy. A lovely meal (and SIL really can cook, she is fab) was utterly ruined.

I think you're being a bit fussy, if it's obvious that there's a lot of people in a small space, then compromises are unavoidable. Maybe it would have been better if the eating spaces were rigidly allocated, but would that have detracted from the cordiality of the event?

It should have been made very clear that the small table was for the small people.

DiL was at best thoughtless. (and a bit precious)

Why didn't adults just eat after the children, in shifts as it were?

That's what we do.

Anyway, sounds cramped but was it not fun and jolly at all?

You sound grumpy over not much.

Sounds like SIL didn't think it through. If I were you I would have sat in the warm living room to eat but instead of being lonely like you say, I would have asked your DS and DD to eat in there too and enjoyed their company.

I would have been happy to eat in shifts. It was well organised because SIL is well organised. Unfortunately if people don''t fall in with the organisation, they just don't fall in, and chaos ensues. I can assure you I had a miserable time and I was really up for enjoying myself (saddo emoticon)

She's a twerp, but you only have to hang around this forum for a while. I recall a thread where many people thought that expecting children to sit on a separate table is treating them like second class citizens and there's no way their children could be relegated to something so demeaning as being expected to sit away from the adults during a meal. She might be one of those types.

I don't understand why your dd was cold and you were lonely. One of you could have joined the other?

Yes, this was the issue with the buffet scenario. I was served early. So I did win a place at the table :). However when other adults came through, and SIL's DIL and offspring were clearly going to be immovable, I offered to vacate my place. I wandered into the living room and finished my plate. DS did the same but stayed in the kitchen. He didn't realise that I was in the living room. DD jumped up and did the same and then wandered into the conservatory. Yes we were a bit dim. But still, not much of a lunch.