Joining the throng of MIL posts!

[Kafri]

So I know I'm being U but I just can't seem to help it where she's concerned.

PIL were invited to ours this morning to watch GC open presents. Got a text at half 8 saying they were very nearly ready and would be with us by 10. Originally I was expecting them slightly earlier than this. DS is 1. I realise he has little idea of Christmas but was looking forward to Christmas as it's our first at home after him being in hospital last year when he was born.

Finally arrive at gone half 10. DS opened 3 presents and was then getting very grouchy for his nap so took him upstairs.

PIL left at 12.50 - we were due at DSis at 1 (35 mins away) which PILknew about. Just couldn't seem to get them out the door. So, rushing out the door I ended up forgetting half of the stuff I needed to take including DS high chair and presents for Dsis and co.

While here, mil drives me crackers moving things - telling DH to empty bins, asking if I want cups in dishwasher and then doing it anyway once I've said no thanks, do I need them to give me a towel for in the downstairs loo (there was one on the towel hook, she just didn't see it). Loads of little silly things but that wind me up...

So, the majority of his presents still sat there waiting

Yes I know I'm BU. how do I stop letting her little MILisms getting to me.

I suspect part of it this year is the fact it's my first Christmas without my own DM

Don't invite them for present opening next year ,your being too nice and if they can't be arsed to get there at a reasonable time they really don't deserve you . Sorry about your mum ,but whatever you do your MIL will never make up for her not being there so don't try so hard.

Thanks floral.
I think I will stop bothering so much. I've had a good few heated chats with them about how little time they spend with DS. I'm not bothered about them babysitting him - just simply asking them to spend time with him. Think I'm just gonna give up and leave them too it.

It winds me up that before she died, my mum would get a bus to work and then another one to our house after she'd finished and then I'd take her home again once DH got home (DS had reflux so abs hated the car so if wait for DH to get back to watch him while I took her home)

PIL have 2 cars and live a 5min drive away yet still don't make much effort to see him.

Like i said, I'm not asking them to babysit or anything-just to want to see him now my mum isn't able to!!

Your PIL are entirely different to your DM, you can't expect them to behave like your DM or enjoy things that she would.

Clearly your DM would have made lots of effort to see your DS and loved watching him open his presents - but inviting your PILs is not ever going to be the same as being with her, and you can't force them into having the grandparent relationship you wish your DS and DM could have had.

SO sorry for your loss, I often think about how my DF would have been much much better than FIL, it's another unexpected way for grief to hit you.

I'd second not inviting them for present unwrapping next year. And let your DH chase them up.

Is this your first christmas without your mum? So sorry it is do hard. My parents would be fantastic grandparents but we are stuck with the Crappy grandparents. I tried so hard at involving them but it mainly got thrown back into my in my face. I had to learn to accept the situation as these people were never going to compensate for me losing my mother. A hard lesson but I am happier for it. Sorry for your loss. X

I just don't get the inviting the GPs to watch the present opening. They have had their turn with their own children, this is your time with your own DS. When he is a little older & more aware of what is going on he may well be awake early with excitement, are you going to make him wait until they arrive to open his presents?

I guess I just wanted DS to have some sort of relationship with them now that they're his only GPs.

No we had no plans to make it a tradition. Just that it was his first Xmas at home. We declined Xmas day with them as we wanted to be at home for the day (nipped to my sisters as she doesn't drive) so said they were more than welcome to come in the morning before they get in with making lunch people at their house. I said to DH we can't always do it as DS will get to the point where he'll understand and be too excited to wait.

Initially they seemed keen. Asked about DS routine - what time up, nap etc and said they'd fit in with him.

I have been disappointed with the level of contact my ILs want with my DC. One time they hadn't seen him for over 6 months and regularly visit where we live to go shopping and just never bothered arranging anything, or called in for literally 5 mins on their way home. They arranged to come once then called days later it say they hadn't come as they wanted to look at plates in town. (Hadn't seen him for months at this point)

I used to get really really sore about it.

My advice is to just let it go over your head. I suspect that when they are a bit older 4/5 say, they will become more involved. It's maybe harder for them to think if things to do with a younger child.

I never say no if they want to see him but I have taken a big step back, let DP sort most things and don't make a huge effort to ring them. They don't seem bothered so are happy, and I don't feel pissed off as I haven't made a huge effort.

They still have a good relationship, I remember being younger my favourite uncle was one I only saw a few times a year but I would much rather they made more effort.

Sorry to hear about your mum,

I just don't get the inviting the GPs to watch the present opening. They have had their turn with their own children, this is your time with your own DS

This I actually find quite nasty really "they had their turn", horrible attitude - whats wrong with wanting it to be a family occasion!!! For years before my Mum died she would walk to our house for 7 am so she could see my boys open their presents (and if MIL lived closer then she would have been invited to), my boys arent exclusively "mine"!...... Its just a shame OP your efforts arent appreciated and like folk have said you cant force people to be good grand parents, so sorry about your Mum.

Thank you.

I'm gonna try not bothering about it so much see if that stops me getting so irked by them. I won't stop them seeing him when they ask (unless I already have plans-in which case I'll offer an alternative)

Maybe they will have more input when he gets a bit older.

I have such fond memories of my GPs. DM taking us to see them each week, staying in the summer hols - all three of us had a week each with my DMs parents and did all sorts with them. GPs sneaking a pound coin in my hand and telling me not to tell my bro or sis

He's only little once and was ivf so we don't know there'll be a sibling so I didn't want them to miss out. But j guess I can't force it

Here goes - a more relaxed attitude to them and see how it goes.

Thanks for the sympathy wishes. She passed away in April, very suddenly. We certainly weren't expecting it. Most of the time I'm ok with DS to keep me occupied but obviously I have my moments.

Your Inlaws will reap what they sow , my Inlaws showed little interest in our DC and then went NC with me prior to the birth of our second ( which has been great for me) , my DC are now 20 and 14 , they have no real relationship with either of them and are lucky if they see the older one once a year . The other one goes over occasionally with DH . FIL died in February and TBH my DC felt guilty that they weren't particularly upset . Both have a great relationship with my mum .Its sad because they are the only GC on either side.

Floral - I know what you mean, they're his only GP's now which is why i had been trying so hard.