Am so fed up with my house guests i feel like crying!

[Lisavarna]

I am so effing fed up. They have only been here since monday and are here till 30th December, my BIL (dh brother) SIL and their 18month old toddler and 3 year old ds. I am happy having them, i really don't mind guests normally, but i just feel like they don't give a shit about helping me out in any way.

Just for e.g., twice i have asked them to take their muddy wheeled buggy straight into our utility room from the back yard, and twice they have instead taken the buggy in through the tv room folding doors, which means then wheeling the dirty wheels through the tv room, kitchen, dining room and down the hallway into utility room. i even texted BIL this afternoon to let him know the back door was unlocked for them to take it straight through into utility room, and he texted back ok, but then just took the buggy straight on through as usual through tv room door. This means both yesterday and today i have had to mop and sweep, on top of all the other work involved in hosting xmas dinner for our family of 7 and guests, and all the clean up etc that goes with that.

I was upstairs at the time, otherwise i'd have cheerily asked them to use the other door as they were coming through.

Yesterday BIL kept putting on our heating on constant even though the house was warm, and then he would head off for a few hours and leave the house empty with the heat on full blast.

Yesterday morning after me and my dd had hoovered and mopped all downstairs in prep for xmas day, he went up to the building site where they are building their holiday home and then he came home, and walked through the house and up the stairs to his room, (carpets on stairs and upper floor) and tramped mud the whole way. I then (really reluctantly cos i HATE to feel like a nag and make things awkward ) had to point this out to him and ask him to please take off shoes at door. (we don't normally have a shoes off in house policy unless shoes are muck-caked)
He was apologetic.

He went out an hour later in the same boots, came back in, kept the boots on and i had to ask him again to remove, as i had already had to clean up after him from the other time.

I just feel so pissed off, tired, fed up and bloody annoyed that i have to ask more than once for him to do things that my 5 year old would know to do, that all my 5 dc would know to do, and then he doesn't even bloody do it.

I want to be a welcoming host, but i have my limits. Xmas is a busy enough song without having all this extra unnecessary work and awkwardness.

Sounds hideous. Watch out though - I one asked MIL not to walk mud through the house so she made FIL take his shoes off and she banged the mud off them in the kitchen sink!

Ok sorry just getting back to thread now. I am literally falling asleep, have had an evening with my kids and the guests and am now just ready for sleep. Will come back in the morning to pick up where i left off. Suffice to say that at this point i have resolved never to have this couple stay with us over Xmas again for more than maybe 3 days. 8 days is too long for people who are so bloody thoughtless and casual about the way they treat your home.

Trying not to involve my dh as he is likely to say something really blunt and offensive to them like don't be so fucking stupid !

You HAVE to involve your DH precisely as he will be blunt, it's his brother. Usually it's possible for siblings to be direct, get the message across and it's water under the bridge...if not they can piss off. He should say he has noticed you cleaning up the mud and could they not tramp it in again, then if they do they have had fair warning and he can ask them to clean it up. If you feel awkward just think about the message this is sending to your 5 DC! Sleep well!

Er, Lisavarna, sounds like your DH SHOULD say something really blunt and offensive to those ignorant, filthy, thoughtless, uncaring, ungrateful sods. And have them for only 3 days next time? I wouldn't have them for 3 hours!

YANBU - we have MIL here and she is driving me mad! We have just had new cream carpets put down about 2 weeks ago, loop ones where you have to be careful of the pile pulling up. (Yes I know we're asking for it with cream carpets but those are the ones DH desperately wanted....) We have instituted a new no-shoes, no coffee upstairs etc. rule which is pretty reasonable I think, not too awful?

Already we have had ructions the other night with MIL, when DH asked her not to take ciffee up to spare room, declaring she would do as she liked and take her coffee upstairs if she pleased. Cue DH finding coffee spill on stairs and getting upset, saying to MIL whatever you do, don't rub the carpet if you spill anything, it will ruin the pile. So far do good (you'd think). After all, you expect that if you say something once to an adult, you don't need to say it again, right? Except that MIL is more like a twelve-year-old in a sixty-year-old's body and a mixture of scatty and bloody-minded, so of course when we're opening presents this morning I suddenly discover a coffee spill all over DD's Christmas outfit, shortly followed by a whopping great patch on new carpet where MIL has not only spilled coffee but has also rubbed it to try to hide her tracks, pulling all the pile up. It's too obvious for me to conceal, so DH sees it and goes absolutely mental. Christmas lunch then ruined by DH and sulky MIL.

While she's been here she has also done various other stuff that gives me the rage, like constantly tell DD loads of old rubbish (like girls aren't allowed to study physics because it's a boy's subject - I know DD is only a toddler but AARGGHHH), not eat what we've cooked because she doesn't like it/isn't hungry, go into cupboards at night and snaffle stuff we'd planned for specific things, bring a competing stocking for DD "from Father Christmas" (WTF? It's kind of going to give the game away eventually...) and generally hang about moaning and looking woebegone. She says all the time to DD that this or that food we have made is "horrible" (really annoying when we're trying to encourage DD to like and enjoy a range of foods), and she is a past master at making faces at something you've said or mumbling an unflattering comment under the breath. She winds DH up something chronic and I'm going crazy too. Give me strength! (MIL is due to depart tomorrow but is already angling to stay on which is makimg me tense just thinking about it....)

Blinking 'eck. Yes that would drive me nuts.

I do what a poster above recommended - and keep all entry points locked so that this doesn't happen (I have always had a shoes off home). I'm no domestic goddess - but who the hell likes getting the hoover out every half day?!?!

House guests are lovely for 24 hours and then they slowly descend into hell. Last time I had guest for ten days, I got so sick of the nagging, whinging, bickering between the couple and their children, I said something. It just dropped out - not exactly a big mistake, but did make things a bit awkward! Clearly every relationship is different, but do I have to watch/listen to it? No!

You have my sympathy.

Mine (BIL & SIL, MIL, other SIL & dnephew) are generally fab.

Except they do insist on pouring endless drinks & then abandoning them.

They brought shedloads of booze, so fair play to them, except never an hour goes by without some forgotten glassful of something sticky/staining getting booted over.

I went round earlier glass-collecting & have ended up with 14 little IKEA pots filled with wine, beer, or port which are now in the freezer & will come in handy for gravy .

There are also abandoned half-full bottles everywhere.

It's just...weird. I've seen photos of the aftermath of their family parties in the 70s & 80s - tables full of bottles & glasses of perfectly good booze that someone's opened/poured & then just wandered off from, never to give it another thought...

Lock the doors and don't supervise their re-entry.

If they are so thick they can remember your house rules, they can sleep in the garden

Oops "can't"

Trying not to involve my dh as he is likely to say something really blunt and offensive to them like don't be so fucking stupid !

Sounds like a plan to me.

Otherwise, lock doors so they have to knock. make them clear up their own mess and go behind them to turn down the heating.

Stop cleaning up after him/them and hand BIL/SIL your hoover/dustpan and brush.

You can tell them that you're busy and that you've asked them to leave boots by the door, leave the pram in the utility room and if they can't do that, they'll need to clean up the mess they've made.

This from ZillionChocolate, it's great: "Ah BIL, I've only vacuumed this morning, put the Hoover round will you?". Give it a go. Better than seething for the next few days and then killing him.

As you've got them until the 30th, you can either approach it like that or be confrontational in your anguish. I'd do the pointed-but-nice example of ZC

Oh, OP, I'm with ya! I empathise with everything you say. Try to smile serenely and dream of the moment you get your house back!

We've just waved goodbye to my sulky, control freak mother, my poor father who puts up with it 365 days a year and my lazy, sulky sister who never lifted a finger or said thank you from Christmas Eve until today, plus her two unruly kids.

It is bliss. Keep smiling.

Oh thanks all.

Spoke to dh today and he offered to have a word, but seeing as he usually uses a sledgehammer to crack a nut i said lets see how it goes today. I met BIL walking the buggy through the house from the decking utility room where it had been sitting beside the back door and i headed him off at the pass and suggested (for the fuckin 3rd time) that he enter and exit with the buggy through that door then pressed the back door key firmly in to his hand and he seemed to get the message.

Just can't bloody wait until they are away. I want to be able to enjoy xmas hols in my own house without having to nag and police my guests to do things they have already been asked (nicely) to do.

Never again. Ever.

"fecking" utility room not decking!!