to want my own space when babys born?

[kazza446]

I'm going to sound like a real bah humbug here but here goes!! I'm due to have my 4th baby by c section soon. I've been booked in on same day as another mum from my childrens school. People keep commenting on how nice it will be to be able to share our experiences and have some company while in hospital. The truth is I would just like my own space. I have struggled to come to terms with this unplanned pregnancy and have been monitored by the mh team. I've generated a lot of anxiety in relation to bonding with baby and now feel anxious that I may not cope once child's born. This is being reinforced by fact I maybe on ward with someone I know and I may have to try hard to hide any anxieties. I'm also worried that the mental health team may visit me while we are on ward together, meaning that I will have no privacy. Would it be unreasonable of me to ask therefore that we do not share a bay together? Other mum is very maternal which puts pressure on me further.

Yanbu to not want to spend time with her in the hospital

Don't you get a room with a c section?

If all else fails, close the curtain

YANBU.
Is there not more than one ward, surely you can ask the Me when you get there that you want to be put on a separate ward/room Tec?
Good luck with the birth

That should say MW and etc, stupid kindle

Yes, you need to ask the question in advance. YANBU.

YANBU at all, giving birth isn't a team sport...you are quite entitled to seek to arrange your hospital stay in whatever way suits you and your baby best.

Realistically, I wonder if you might have to explain a little of what's going on to the other mum (or get someone you trust to do so on your behalf), just so that she knows it's nothing personal against her. I'm not saying that you are in any way obliged to explain yourself to ANYONE of course, just that if she gets the wrong end of the stick she could potentially wind up giving an inaccurate story to the other parents at the school gate - which won't help you, down the line.

All the best with your baby!

YADNBU to not want to stay on the same ward as someone you know at time when you might feel more vulnerable than you normally would.

Definitely not.

It's possible though that she might want her own privacy and wouldn't dream of intruding in your space more than a passing hello/how's it going. She'll be so focused on her own baby she won't be looking outside her own bubble.

I was in hospital for 10 days before I had DD1 (she was born eventually 16 days after her due date) and had a room to myself, but they put me on a ward as soon as I had her.

I thought at the time it felt like they wanted to give a much higher level of care to the women than they could give in a side room. But if you're having problems stressing out it's possible they'd let you have a side room if one was available.

Just talk to them, going on the nurses/midwives I've met (bar one) they're lovely and would want/go out of their way to make you as comfortable as possible.

It's not that I disagree with what you're saying punta, but couldn't that run the higher risk of drawing attention to the fact that the OP's not wanting to chit chat when the idea might not have even crossed the woman's mind?

Plus, it would look a bit like the OP felt she needed to justify herself.

Even if the woman had an inkling something might be amiss, she might be a MNetter and guess the OP's not up for it and think the reason why is none of her business.

ZigZag yeah, true, but who knows which way it's going to go? I just wouldn't want to see the OP suffering later with nasty schoolyard gossip about being a precious princess who thinks she's too good to share a ward with Other Mum etc etc bollocks etc ffs etc.

Can't really call it from here, need to know a bit more about the other mum - is she very sociable herself, and is she expecting to be sociable with the OP in hospital? Is she more retiring, and actually likely to be just as grateful as the OP to be left to her own devices? Is she a sensible sort who will react well to a "no offence, but for my own reasons I'd rather have my own space", or is that only going to induce her to make more of it...who knows?

I was put in a private room after my 3rd c/section.

The other two times I was in a 4 bed ward. I have to say, the open door policy in maternity wards is a PITA, people just do not control their offspring running round, shrieking, yelling, endless array of bloody odds and sods turning up at 9pm - so I'd say go for a single room if you can arrange it.

Without saying too much in case I am "outed" and she's a mumnetter, I find her a bit over familiar & quite needy!! So I don't think she is the sort of mum to keep herself to herself. Maybe im wrong but it certainly is stressing me out a little, lol.. may not happen anyhow ss I've been very nauseous today, which can be a sign of early labour. Maybe baby is going to make an early entrance!

Be honest with your MW and anyone that you see from the MH team, you may find that they have earmarked a private room for you, as this would be beneficial to bonding.

If anyone from school asks then just say later on that there were complications/infection etc.

I was "very maternal" (still am, I baby my Pets) it didn't stop me from getting PND after my second. You may not be the only one that is struggling, other people hide things well.

Smile, put on a face to the school crowd, your care won't be discussed with anyone else. My Neice needed that MH team to visit her, she is still working with them. They arranged to see her in a room off the ward.

It was a quick visit, to arrange a Home Visit, on discharge, share that you are worried about this being discussed on the ward. It will be put in your notes and they will explain the procedure at your hospital.

Good luck with delivery - whether today or as planned!

You know, you could have ended up on the same ward as someone you knew by chance, and you'd only find out when there. This way is better, as you've had a chance to think about it. Being tired, closing curtains etc are ways of minimising contact, as is being tied up with feeding nappies, visitors etc. That leaves a lot less of the day than you might imagine. Try a couple of (brief) conversations along the lines of 'it's too hectic for me here. I can't rest and I'm too tired to think straight. Bet it's the same for you. Let's meet up once we're home and a bit more on top of things"

When I was on the children's ward with DS2 I had my homestart lady come to see me and one of the other mums had a social worker come to visit her. We only knew about each other's visitors because we told each other. In fact I don't think the nurses would have known about my homestart lady if I hadn't told them as she just said she was my friend. I would ask to be put as far away from her as possible and just smile at her on your way past her bed or in the queue for lunch and say that it would have been fun to be in beds next to each other, never mind, see you at school.

When my SIL has her baby I'll be crossing my legs and hoping that I don't go into labour too. We're due 2 months apart so should be ok but my last baby was over a month prem and she is on her first so will probably be late. I like my SIL but the PN ward isn't big enough for both of us!