Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selfish?? Entitled?? Or AIBU??

20 replies

Mosschops30 · 23/12/2013 21:31

My mother arrived today and already I want to strangle her!!!

For the following reasons:

She stated that she hadn't had time to put money into accounts or get gifts so could she just give dcs £50 each on Xmas day. The youngest is 4 FFS what's he gonna do with £50 cash, he would be happier with a £2.99 tree fu tom magazine.
Then she said she was hurt because I didn't want anything from her, this is because again I would rather her not put £50 in my bank. I can't remember the last time she bought me a gift and wrapped it, but she expects wrapped gifts.

She has barely spoken to dcs and asked if they could turn down their DVD so she could watch eastenders!

She's asked me to carry her suitcase upstairs, even though she knows I have two bulging discs and need to see osteopath regularly.

I'm so fucking mad I could scream AIBU

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 23/12/2013 21:32

Give her cash not presents
Say notorious bag carrying
Dont invite her next year Xmas Grin

CaptainSweatPants · 23/12/2013 21:33

Say no to bag carrying

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 23/12/2013 21:39

I want to go downstairs and say 'look I'm not being nasty but this is just no good'. But I fear she'll sulk for the rest of Xmas

OP posts:
antimatter · 23/12/2013 21:40

next time she asks to carry heavy bag upstairs pls bring several carried bags and ask her to repack it

kids can help to carry them upstairs for granny

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/12/2013 21:40

She sounds delightful.

Just be clear with her. You can't carry her stuff, sorry. Explain why as you would to a stranger who knows nothing of your back problems.

AgentZigzag · 23/12/2013 21:43

I posted on the thread you had a couple of weeks ago about your mum thinking she's entitled to a £60 gift from you for Christmas.

But aren't you doing the same thing as her and putting conditions on what you'll accept as a gift?

I know what you mean about the 4 YO, but they'll just have something extra to open after the excitement of the big day.

It's not that I'm saying you should be grateful for whatever you get and you probably just want your mum to put some thought/effort into showing how she feels about you, but can you call your mum on how she is when you've got similar feelings about present giving? (even though I thought she was BU to ask for something specific and expensive)?

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 23/12/2013 21:46

But I don't want anything expensive or even of my choosing, I'd just like something she chose and wrapped, no conditions.

And I took the advice from the bracelet thread and didn't buy it and told her I wasnt Grin

OP posts:
FeckOffCupofMulledWine · 23/12/2013 21:47

The cash would be fine with me instead of wrapped gifts for the children, but she IBVU about the suitcase. My house is bursting at the seams with toys I like it when people give DD money to put in her savings account instead of yet another toy.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 23/12/2013 21:53

Going against the grain I would much rather be given 50 each for them! £50 in itself is a wonderful amount of money for them.

The youngest is 4, what about putting that in the bank towards the theatre, little childrens shows? Classes, extra curricular activities, a day out somewhere?

Much more you can do with £50 than it wasted on utter plastic crap and of course you can buy a 2.99 mag and say it was from grandma.

I also always carried my mums bags, maybe she has forgotten about your bad back...

my DD is 6 and my dad cant get round very well and gave her £50 for her bday, she still remember it - and is amazed she was given so much money, I took it and put it towards her ballet lessons.

I know relis can be soo annoying but I just dont get this only got them £50 buinesses Xmas Confused

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 23/12/2013 21:56

I appreciate £50 is a lot of money and that's great, but she gives it so that she can be absolved of any gift buying ever.
She has never bought and wrapped a gift for them which I find very sad

OP posts:
Slutbucket · 23/12/2013 22:02

Sorry my mum was the same doesn't mean she didn't love me it was just her thing. However she showed her love in many different ways.

AgentZigzag · 23/12/2013 22:03

'And I took the advice from the bracelet thread and didn't buy it and told her I wasnt '

Nice one, well done Grin#

Just keep telling her about your back, you shouldn't be doing yourself an injury and I'm sure she wouldn't expect you to.

perlona · 23/12/2013 22:07

I prefer money gifts because dd has so much already and every birthday/christmas adds a ridiculous amount of often very large toys to the house and garden. With money I will take her shopping to buy books/clothes or take her to the zoo/cinema for a treat.

I don't think it matters that the gift giver gives because they can't be arsed present buying, of course it's nice for someone to put the thought in but in most cases children don't even notice because they already have to much.

SanityClause · 23/12/2013 22:07

My MIL used to give us money just before Christmas, and expect us to buy and wrap presents for the DC. Just as we thought we had finished all the shopping!

Now they are old enough to have money, but I still think they would prefer a gift to unwrap, even if they knew what it was going to be.

However, my DM often buys a collection of really random items, and even though they are nicely wrapped, I always get a bit upset at the waste of money.

bebbeau · 23/12/2013 22:19

yanbu!

its a bit lazy i think

my MIL, back in november ffs, gave me and dh money to buy us and the dcs something from her for christmas as she clearly cba to make the effort to choose, buy and wrap stuff herself for her own son and DGC

WhoNickedMyName · 23/12/2013 22:21

I remember the bracelet thread.

You just need to accept that you and your mum have very different ideas about gift giving.

And yes it's unfair that she wants a gift to unwrap but doesn't do the same for you... But you can't change that.

Accept the cash and spend it on something you and your children would like, or don't accept it but don't moan that she didn't give you anything.

scottishmummy · 23/12/2013 22:28

So knowing she doesn't wrap or do presents why are you letting this upset you
You're expecting her to do something you know she won't,why set self up for disappointment
The money isn't insubstantial,take it for kids

starlight1234 · 23/12/2013 22:45

I think you are going to have a miserable Christmas if you are going to pick at everything she doesn't do the way you want them...

Maybe she is worried about getting it wrong...If she gave him a £2.99 comic you would also be appalled although I know what you are saying it really isn't about the cost when they are small...

Accept it graciously... I have a sister who we are very very different and I have learnt she is who she is..My opinion isn't going to change her so I take her as she is and learn to bring out her better qualities.

CranberrySaucyJack · 23/12/2013 22:48

I get that you have prior issues with her......... but YABVUngrateful to whinge about being given £50 each.

Lweji · 23/12/2013 22:55

Put a bank not inside several nested boxes and wrap it up for her.

She sounds a bit like my MIL who wouldn't give the grandchildren anything but money. They had presents from other people, so they were fine.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page