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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For feeling miserable because I have the worst job out of everyone I know?

72 replies

scortja · 23/12/2013 20:30

I am stuck in a dead end job while everyone else either earns A LOT more than me in a job I wouldn't really be that interested in (tax accountant, business research), or has a lovely fulfilling job (curator, script doctor, OT, animator), or a lowishly paid but interesting job (gardener, conservator).

I upload content. Why am I the failure? Why meeeee?

OP posts:
PacificDingbat · 23/12/2013 20:58

Do you want to work in art? Or publishing?

What about History of Art?
Could you volunteer at a museum?

Stop wallowing!

starrystarryknut · 23/12/2013 20:59

Scortja you're being a bit pathetic. I'm guessing you're around 35. When I was your age with young DC I wasn't doing much - as is fair enough if you are busy with DC. 10 years on I have a great career and a flourishing business (NOT making party bags or cupcakes or the like... a properly-money-earning creative occupation).

I suggest you read some books. Try Drive by Dan Pink, to think about what might motivate you; or look up an essay by Cal Newport called "Cultivating your craft before your passion", which is about the misconception that a career can magically come from a "passion".

starrystarryknut · 23/12/2013 21:00

Another really helpful book - The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's all about "unblocking" yourself as a creative artist, including making you look inside yourself to think about what is REALLY holding you back.

Ubik1 · 23/12/2013 21:01

I can beat you for job crapness

I do shifts in a call centre, am just on my third night, will be working Xmas day and Boxing Day too.

I am also slogging through degree number 2 so that I can do a PGDEto teach English because it is a subject that I love. I will be 42 when I finish PGDE.

You need to develop interests outside work. You need to change your attitude.

MrsBennetsEldest · 23/12/2013 21:01

But you have a job. It may not be the best but it's a job after all. Stop moaning and get on and make changes.

liquidstate · 23/12/2013 21:01

I went to uni at 32 and retrained (worked in admin before). Now 41 and have been in my dream job for nearly 6 years and have just completed my MA. Its never too late.

FudgefaceMcZ · 23/12/2013 21:02

Honestly? People spout all this shite about how it's your lack of drive or defeatism that puts you in a job you don't like, but really it's often just luck. I say that as someone who has a job I like, though I could do without the fact that everything in my sector (scientific research) is on 3 year contracts at most at the moment which is a pain in the arse. I have the qualifications to do this job, but I know many other people who have qualifications but can't find work or who had to move out of what they enjoy, even though it's supposedly a shortage area. Now, there are people I know who didn't complete their PhD so are less qualified than me, but in those cases, at least one of them had a really horrible time for other reasons (serious illness in family and she was a full time carer so had to take time out) and then ran outside her funding period, which is really pure luck to not have that happen, it could happen to anyone and is nothing to do with her 'drive and determination'. Similarly I was applying for things for over a year, with a bit of temp work at very low pay during that time, before I got my current post. The labour market is complete bollocks at the moment, and it's hard if you want to move jobs as whatever you're starting anew in, you'll be competing with people who have more experience. It is utter, utter shit and dehumanising tbh that people are made to scrap like pigeons over crumbs to get even the jobs which are supposedly most in demand. I think the best thing if you are stuck in something you don't enjoy is to cultivate interests outisde it and just think of it as a way to pay the bills; we've been sold this idea that jobs should be 'fullfilling' and all that but most won't ever be.

starrystarryknut · 23/12/2013 21:02

The thing is fundamentally YOU have to do something about it. From your post you come across as just wallowing in disappointment and disillusionment. No-one else is going to fix this for you. And it's not too late to change it for yourself.

PacificDingbat · 23/12/2013 21:04

I think you've got a point, Fudgeface, good or bad luck plays a huge part.

I think we responding to the 'woe me' tone of scortja's posts - she wants change and yes, that might not be easy or even possible in which case she has to find a way to make her peace with it like you are suggesting by developing outside interests.

Graceparkhill · 23/12/2013 21:05

I would thoroughly recommend a book called " What Colour is Your Parachute" by Richard Bolles. I was given a copy by a very good friend a decade ago when I was at a career crossroads ( older than you are now I suspect). I have since given copies to several friends and they have all found it helpful.
I am approaching 55 and don't feel old and as others have said you will be working for a long time so make the most of it.

Original poster
scortja · 23/12/2013 21:06

I am totally pathetic!

I do need to man-up for sure - and, as self obsessed as I already sound, I need to be a bit more selfish..

I will definitely look up those books - I have the artists way but I can never find the time to do it! Woe is me!!! Poor scortja!

But also I am very interested in the Cal Newport article. I think the 'passion' thing might be a bit of a red herring..

Thanks for all your replies!

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 23/12/2013 21:07

Do something else then.

You're not to old. I went to uni with women in their 50's.

Access Course are brilliant if you're wanting to do something that requires uni, and you can do them from home.

Only you can change this, it's no good just to accept and complain.

PacificDingbat · 23/12/2013 21:08

See, that's the spirit - and yes, maybe you need to be more selfish in that you need to prioritise your goals rather than others'.

AtticusMcPlatypus · 23/12/2013 21:10

Never too old for a change. As per the posts upthread, volunteer and find something you really find fulfilling. Of you've already got a degree, why not retrain in the NHS - bursary funded degree and still available of you are previous graduate. I've just done a degree as a mature student, not in the health sector though, but absolutely loved it, despite still working and being a Mum to two DC.

Original poster
scortja · 23/12/2013 21:11

Good post Fudgeface

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 23/12/2013 21:17

Just over two years ago, I decided to become a nurse, having always worked as a care assistant.

I started the access course, and completed it. I am now a first year student nurse, and very proud of all I have managed to achieve so far. I still have just under three years of study ahead of me. Well 8 terms out of 9 before I qualify, but I decided that with or without the five whole years of study, I would still be five years older.

So, instead of sitting around moaning that I would never get anywhere in life, I got off my rather substantial bottom and did something about it.

I turned 46 in September. I will be nearly 49 by the time I qualify. The NHS think that is a worthwhile investment.

Do you think you are? Grin

PeriodFeatures · 23/12/2013 21:22

what is uploading content? If you are not an NHS staff nurse, imo you do not have the worst job in the world!

PeriodFeatures · 23/12/2013 21:23

cross post mammatj. sorry. Its great you like your job.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2013 21:26

I was in my mid forties when I left teaching. I then started at the bottom in a completely new line of work, rebuilt my career and retrained as a counsellor as well to enable me to be self employed. I do careers guidance in the day job and I can assure you that you are very far from too old to make changes.

MammaTJ · 23/12/2013 21:26

Ha ha Period, you won't put me off.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 23/12/2013 21:47

ilovesooty please can I ask what path you took to retrain as a counsellor? It's something I'm interested in.

OP I'm a bit like you except most of my friends are SAHM, so I don't compare my job to theirs but do compare my success/income/financial situation to theirs, if that makes sense. I'm looking to improve my life as a whole, including my job/career and my finances in particular, and I'm struggling. Sometimes you get so stuck in the despair of wondering how to change things that it all becomes so overwhelming that you don't know where to start. This is where I am.

Going to try some of the books that have been mentioned, so thanks to the posters that suggested them. As for Cal Newport, well just looking at his blog made me feel more positive witt-woo Wink

ilovesooty · 23/12/2013 23:11

SoftKitty I was able to bypass the first two levels as I'd done equivalent courses while teaching. I then did the certificate for a year followed by a two tear diploma. (I'm still paying the debt off) Xmas Sad

ilovesooty · 23/12/2013 23:12

two year - there were tears along the way though. Grin

FloozeyLoozey · 23/12/2013 23:23

I can empathise, 33 and stuck as an administrator in the civil service. No hope of anything else. Not being defeatist, just realistic.

grumpyoldbat · 23/12/2013 23:25

scortja I ended up in a dead end miserable job due to a series of events some of which were out of my control.

My escape plan saves my sanity, well just about. I'm retraining I'm 36 and lots of my class mates are in their late 30s, their 40s and one is even 50. You are definitely not too old to make changes.