If you were going to be a guest at someone's house, would you go out drinking before travelling to theirs?

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I think I might be being U - full of cold and all the usual pre-Christmas malarkey...

Friend is staying at ours tonight so DH can all drive us all up to his and DH's home town tomorrow. DH is working tonight, so just me and DD in. DF said he'd finish work at 5ish then get the train up (about an hour or so to ours), this was still the plan this morning as I asked him if he wanted me to save him any dinner. 6ish I texted him and asked him to let me know roughly what time he'd arrive so I could make sure DD wasn't in the bath etc so I could let him in. No response. Texted again recently and said 'if you're working late, just to let you know I planned on going to bed about 10ish'. Get a sheepesh - can a text be sheepish? - replying saying he'd gone out and would "definitely" be at ours by 10. Between him having a few drinks and the trains being iffy with the weather, I'm not so sure...

AIBU to think this is a bit rude? If he doesn't get back I either have to stay up, which I'm not a fan of as DD is sleeping badly at the moment, or leave the keys out the front of the house, which I'm equally not a fan of. He'd probably not bloody find them anyway. DF can get really quite merry. DH is working until early morning so he's not able to help. I'm frustrated now that I'm worried he'll be late. I actually think it's quite rude to do this. But then again I can accept that an evening in with me and the telly vs Christmas drinks is hardly that appealing

Could be rude if you were expecting him to come to yours for drinks & that was the plan & he now has had a better offer from work mates or something.

I might go for one but rolling in at 10 when you have contacted him offering to do food is a bit off, I think. I would just go to bed, it's his lookout.

If I go to bed he'll probably just rock up and phone me and wake me up

The irritating thing is that to definitely be here for 10ish he'd need to leave soon, but 8.30 seems really petty to be texting him and chasing.

Text him and tell him if he isn't there by 10pm, 10.30 at the latest if you're feeling generous, he can either come tomorrow or sleep on the doorstep.

Go to bed as planned and just don't answer the door if he turns up late.

I know that would be the sensible (for me) thing to do but we live in a different town from him, so he'd have nowhere else to go but to sleep on our doorstep. The neighbours might at least be amused by that...

It is rude.

My ILs did that when they came to our town for our wedding. My parents were hosting a pre-wedding do at their house (they had never met each other) and ILs were late as they'd stopped off at a pub near their hotel before they came round. We nearly sent out search parties as we had no idea where they were!

My parents were furious!

I would text at ten saying in off to sleep now hope he finds somewhere to stay. Then put my phone on silent and go to sleep.

I agree with the previous poster - text him and say if he isn't there by half ten you will be asleep and unavailable to let him in. Explain you have been getting very little sleep and need to ensure you're ok for Christmas.

Selfish bugger!

Just text him with the time you are leaving tomoz and say if he still wants a lift he needs to be at yours by x and you hope he has a good night

I would text him saying you are going to bed at ten and if he arrives in town after that he should book himself into a B&B/hotel as you take sleeping tablets and won't hear him, sorry.

Has he turned up yet ?

What did you do in the end OP?

He is rude but like me, he may never have thought you'd be in bed by 10.