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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to silently fume about my 'stolen' turkey!

28 replies

trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2013 19:50

Dp and I are apart on Christmas day, but are celebrating together boxing day. That will be when I have my turkey dinner, which I'm really looking forward to. I planned ahead and ordered a turkey crown from waitrose and I got a big enough one so there will be left overs. Dp was supposed to get his mum a turkey crown for their dinner. He was very blaise about the whole thing and basically didn't organize anything so asked me to get one from waitrose when I picked up mine today. There was only a small one left and so I am having that one and they are having my pre-ordered big one. I feel a bit humped about this. Am I just being a grinchy bitch?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2013 19:53

Er ... why are they having yours? Confused

Surely there can't be that much difference in size that your DP couldn't bulk it out with some chipolatas and stuffing?

BruthasTortoise · 23/12/2013 19:54

Just give them the small one.

PaperPomPom · 23/12/2013 19:54

Yes, why are they having yours?

TravelinColour · 23/12/2013 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 19:56

They didn't 'steal' it.

You gave it to them.

Why?

80sdrummer · 23/12/2013 19:57

YABU to silently fume. Have the turkey you want and give them the small one.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 23/12/2013 19:58

You gave it. That was your choice.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 23/12/2013 20:01

Keep your pre ordered Turkey and hand iver the smaller one.

Don't start down the road of giving up the best stuff to make yourself feel better, fuck that.

Come on girl flex up!!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 23/12/2013 20:03

Why did you do that

HermioneWeasley · 23/12/2013 20:06

YABU to silently fume. State what you want/need clearly. If you don't wish to give them the smaller one then don't.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2013 20:06

Btw, I do think you are allowed to feel fed up your DP involved you in his disorganization - but you won't make him grow up if you always save him from himself.

Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2013 20:07

Aargh. Typing on phone so uneloquent. Basically I was on the way to mil. We are here now and having a festive type dinner here. She is very helpless and passive agressive and dp jumps through a lot of hoops for her. He is tackling this bit by bit. His mental health is a bit under the weather at the moment and he's off work due to anxiety attacks. I rang from the shop to say there were only small ones left and it was very busy. Me dp and my kids are doing Christmas day tomorrow cos kkids to dads tomorrow night. Basically unless he wanted to go out during our family day tomorrow I felt like I had to. I'm really trying not to have the hump cos I totally did give it. Bah humbug

OP posts:
GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 20:09

Now I'm even more confused.

TheGreatHunt · 23/12/2013 20:10

Just hand over the mini crown, smile, and walk away.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 23/12/2013 20:12

Don't be his doormat.

Don't be the one to sort out his issues and remedy his forgetfulness.

Think long term, do you want hid flakiness?

4yoniD · 23/12/2013 20:13

Give him shit (in private) (after Christmas perhaps) and lead the conversation around to what he can do to make it up to you? Is there much you want?!

VeniseAndMe · 23/12/2013 20:20

trash try and remember why you have done that.
That you have given him the 'big' turkey because he is under the weather atm, has anxiety, his mum is PA and wouldn't have taken getting a 'small' turkey very well.
Yes you are going to miss something you were looking forward to, but not to give it to your MIL but to help your DH.

So your decision to 'let go' of the one you ordered was a very kind decision :)

Having said that, you might want to remind your DH that he needs to take responsibility for his actions (eg not ordering the turkey) or you might decide to take over more atm if you think he isn't at the right place to do so.

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/12/2013 20:26

'They only had these left' *hand over what they had left

Stop being a bloody martyr.

phantomnamechanger · 23/12/2013 20:26

when I worked in Tesco we would have people in 10 minutes before we closed on Christmas eve looking for a turkey.....always men....even at 18 I knew this was a daft idea....but they would look all puzzled and angry and go "what do you mean there are no turkeys IT's CHRISTMAS"...er, yup, that'll be why we are sold out....

don't give him yours if you are going to seethe and resent doing so, give him the small one, let him own up that he was disorganised and he'll maybe learn from his mistakes.

Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2013 20:56

ah it's done now! venus thanks I really needed to hear that. Yes I was a donkey to say they could have mine! I was in the huge queue in the shop when I spoke to dp. godresttee Are you confused about the two turkeys? Dp and I don't live together. The dcs are mine and we have christmas day on christmas eve iyswim. They go to their dads that night, dp goes to his mothers and I see him christmas day night - his turkey crown is for him, his mum, his brother and sil. My turkey crown was for dp and I to have a dinner on boxing day - just me and him as my dcs still away and he's done his day with his family.

I ordered the large crown cos I wanted leftovers Blush The one I now have will do the dinner and have a piddley bit left over, but I think in truth my fuming has come from letting myself be a doormat. Not my style at all usually!

OP posts:
Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2013 21:01

Funky my fuming came after I'd handed over the turkey.... Anyway, it's subsiding now, and I won't be caught like that again in a hurry.

Had I not is that dp would have had to go turkey hunting tomorrow, and I'd like him to spend the day with me and the dcs, hassle free. It's only our second christmas together. My kids adore him (as do I) and he's generally a lovely man. He is struggling right now, so I will cut him some slack.

OP posts:
Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2013 21:06

(had I not dp would have)

OP posts:
saidthecattothemouse · 23/12/2013 21:07

I would be tempted to say you will bail him out re turkey for his family but not a second time. And stick to that. Hope you have a lovely Christmas anyway.

hamptoncourt · 23/12/2013 22:10

So have I got this right, your DC go to their Dads Xmas Eve night. Your DP then goes to mummys and you spend Xmas Day alone, you are not invited to spend Xmas day with DP or his family? He comes to yours in the evening?

And you have clearly been involved for quite a while as you say this is the second Christmas together.

I do not like the sound of " she is very passive aggressive and DP jumps through hoops for her."
Sounds like you are way down the pecking order here OP.

Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2013 23:52

ah hampton you are almost right, except it's my choice to spend it at home. I am totally invited, but I have been sending the little ones to their dads since before I met dp. They have younger siblings and it was a decision I came to after a lot of soul searching (no pressure from ex either). I have an older child who is wayward and I don't see him on christmas day, and that's gone on for a few years. Actually things are much much improved for us, but I still won't see him on the day. It was that situation which made me want to re-think my christmas. I actually have a really nice day home alone, and we get to do everything a day early with the little ones (twins 8) which they think is great.

thanks saidthecat Grin

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