To sometimes feel like an unappreciated slave.

[MalcolmTuckersMistress]

Grrrrrrrr! I'm so fucking fed up. Every bloody Christmas I absolutely do what I can to make it the best day of the year for my DH and the kids, and every bloody year I end up feeling like I'm an unappreciated woman-cook and afterthought who was only used purely to carry, give birth to and look after the children. I fucking, fucking, FUCKING hate it. I'm so pissed off its unbelievable and there is still a day to go.

AIBU to cry into a pint of wine because I feel completely fucking sick of it?

No. Entirely fair.
I always look forward to christmas and then remember that actually I hate it and can't wait for it tone over.

YANBU to feel unappreciated, but YABU to tolerate people treating you like a slave.

Enjoy your wine, but don't waste it by crying in it

Does your OH know that you feel like this?

On the day, will you be able to sit back and feel smug that you alone have made it happen? Would you think about getting your DP to do it all next year?

In all honesty I feel generally unappreciated in everyday life tbh! With dd I hope that she will look back on these days and realise how blinkin lucky she is. With DP I'm usually letting him know exactly how I feel!

How would it be if you just didn't do it next year? Which people in the family would mind that?

To be so fucked off suggests you are not telling the entire story.

Is there more to your distress?

What gossip said. Don't be such a martyr about it. If you're not happy, talk to your partner & agree how you're going to share the jobs out next year. And be prepared to let go of things being done to the same standard you would do them - that way lies madness...

Everyone says "oh it's so special it's all about the children" which, yes it it I agree, However our kids are absolutely spoilt rotten because DH understandably insists that this is the priority. He spends ages thinking about and chosing presents and spends a fair bit on them. Then if I'm lucky and there's money left he goes to the local Morrisons or WHSmith on Christmas even and gets me whatever there is left. He has a stressful job and I save up what I can throughout the year from whatever I make doing varios favours and small art things so that he doesn't end up "paying" for his own presents (I am a SAHM) and like to put thought and time into what I get him. Apparently the DVD I bought for myself the other day will now save him the job of having to go and get anything else.

I really don't mean to sound like a spoilt and entitled twat, but it fucking hurts my feelings. He had amazing Christmases as a child where as mine were just strained and weird.

GAH! I'm so fed up.

DH works a shitload so I do do most of the household management (on top of my full time job) - I suck it up because he is self employed and earns good money and is genuinely doing work whilst I'm houseworking etc. However, his office Christmas do is always on the last working day before Christmas eve - starts at midday and ends approx 12 hours later. This is always a super super busy day and running round trying to sort it all knowing he's out on the lash does get on my wick.

YANBU! When I think back at the amount of effort my DM must have put into making our family Christmas happen, I feel really guilty. My Dad just used to emerge in time to carve and that was about all he did.

I'm pretty lucky as the PIL usually host, so I don't have to do the food, but everything else is done by me. I refused to do DH's Christmas cards this year and as a consequence nobody in his family has received one. No doubt I'll get the blame for it, but I don't see why I should do all of it.

Well, he neglects your feelings and you're being treated as an after thought, I'd be pissed off too.

Tell him how you feel.

This time of year really shows how little equality has come.

What would happen if the vast amount of women went on a Christmas strike

Oh he knows I feel like this but just tells me it's the way things are. My parents come over on Christmas Day so it's great to have them here but it's a bit emotional at times (I have lost all my siblings in the last few years) I just try to make it all happy happy joy joy, but it's been a particularly shit month. I've had three funerals and it's left me feeling even worse than usual. DH seems to just snap at me when I mention I'm upset about it.

Appreciation goes both ways, you say he works a stressful job so that you dont have to work. He also helps at christmas by doing the shopping etc. maybe he feels the same.

Given you are a SAHM then its a little rich to moan about childcare. If you dont want to cook then swap and you do the presents whilst he cooks next year.

Do you know, I wonder just how many of us, and yes, I do mean women, get like this at Christmas?
I've just had words with dh, telling him to stop being such a grumpy old fucker when he's done sod-all towards Christmas so far but I'm viewing it as a worthwhile investment because, despite arguing back, he will go away and think about it and then be extra nice and grateful later.

Time to trade your husband in gor a new, more appreciative model by the sound of things. Sorry about your siblings - sounds like you've been through the mill this year.

Hmm. I think picking and choosing the gifts is a huge part of Xmas, and your dp does that for you... I thought you meant you do everything

You need to chill out. Next year buy all the food pre-prepped and you will just need to bung it in the oven if its too stressful to do full dinner.

HappyMumOfOne, he can't cook at all so I'm not sure that would be a good idea!!

Is this the same 'd'h who put his hands round your throat?
Being appreciated by the monster (and I fully mean that word) is the least of your troubles.
Stay safe and please listen to the posters on your other thread.

Eh? Good lord no!! He can be a difficult twat but he'd never, ever do a thing like that!