to be pissed off with this so called 'friend' and want to give him a piece of my mind?

[extremepie]

ExH & I met up today to go christmas shopping with the dc's & he mentioned a mutual friend who we both know but who we haven't spoken to in a while, I'll call him X!

He said that another friend of ours (Y) had bumped into him while out in town the other night and had basically given him his (unwanted) opinion on several issues, mainly children with disabilities (Y has a son with fetal alcohol syndrome & possibly ADHD and our ds2 has severe ASD). The highlight were as follows:

They're (referring to us) just lazy parents, there's nothing wrong with ds2,

My wife works with kids and she can tell he isn't that bad (she has met him once for about 3 hours),

It's just an excuse to get something for nothing (referring to benefits I guess),

I don't know what they're complaining about he isn't that difficult to deal with.

Etc, etc.

I am fuming about this, X and his wife don't have ANY kids, let alone children with special needs and have NO idea what it is like on a day to day basis, they barely know ds2 at all and have spent hardly any time with him, same with Y's child so why do they feel so qualified to judge comment?

While I could quite happily go the rest of my life without ever speaking to X again, I feel almost obligated to stick up for myself & my son by messaging him/emailing or whatever & giving him a piece of my mind! How dare he?

AIBU to do this or should I just leave it?

Yanbu to be severely pissed off, but you can't say anything as you really don't know how accurate this is. It's such a horrible thing to find out, but I think you have to bite your tongue unless it's said directly to you.

It doesn't surprise me if he did say it, he's the kind of person that will say really horrible things to your face and then try and get away with it by saying 'I'm only being honest....'

Since it was a second (or third?) hand account I was thinking maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt but I'm so angry right now not sure what to do :/

I wouldn't respond ....... yet!

Put it in your 'book' and remember the conversation when he actually says something equally obnoxious to your face.

The 'I'm only being honest' line equates to ' I'm a twat but want my say regardless of how offensive it is'

Knowledge is power and all that.

Surely 'Y' sorted it right out there and then and stood up for you all?

Some people are just complete wankers and this guy is obviously just one of them.

If you don't see him that often I would just cut your losses and be done with him, he's obviously not that good of a friend or person.

If you see him regularly or have a regular group of friends be polite and civil, but don't engage with him and don't invite him out for meals/drinks etc.

It's disgusting that some people have these views. I am registered blind and have had people say to those around me they are sorry it's so hard for them to deal with (AKA me) also my friend's son who as epilepsy and possible ASD is told he is just a bad child a lot of the time. It's ridiculous how some people are. It's the supportive people that count, though.

This is a third hand conversation and I would really question why y said anything to you
Y does not sound like a good friend

Cut him out of your life and do not give him the satisfaction of an explanation. There is no excuse for what he said.

I don't think he did worra, he's quite a shy bloke & I think he probably just stood there & let X have his little rant >:/

I don't see him often at all, fortunately, hence why I say I could quite happily never see or speak to him again I guess I just don't want to do that without setting him straight & informing him of a few facts - not to mention give him a right bollocking for being such a twat!

I don't see why Y is a bad friend. If I knew someone was saying such things about a friend of mine I would want to tell my friend. I would feel if they found out another way they may feel betrayed by me and think I was complicit in the gossip. I would also want them to know that they couldn't trust X. I think it depends whether the information was shared out of concern or to cause drama.

Forget about it. You're getting yourself worked up at something that you don't even know is accurate. The guy may be a twat, but third hand information about a conversation is highly likely to be inaccurate.

Giving him a bollocking is not going to change any opinions he has no matter how wrong they are, and you'd probably just end up even more frustrated at not getting an apology and him admitting he was wrong.

Honestly, there's no point engaging with him. Do you really think he's going to change his mind? There's no quick cure for ignorance, unfortunately!