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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

odd birthday present from dh

50 replies

superbagpuss · 23/12/2013 17:33

my dh has bought me a for your eyes only photo shoot

I have never asked for this and don't want to do it

he says it is to help me feel more comfortable in my body now I've put some weight on and make me feel sexy again

I hate the idea of stripping in front of a stranger

tbh I don't like me body at all at the moment but have no money for the gym at the moment

aibu to not do it?

OP posts:

wheretoyougonow · 23/12/2013 17:54

Bagpuss that makes it so much worse. You asked for fudge experience and got this instead?!!
Please buy him a picture of Thorntons for his Christmas present so he gets the message

BalloonSlayer · 23/12/2013 17:55

Well the fact that it is called "for your eyes only" suggests that the idea is that you get the sexy pictures done to give to your partner, so yes, it IS a present for him and not for you.

I would worry about asking my DH for a "make fudge experience" though TBH. He can fashion a double entendre out of a handkerchief and two coat hangers.

maddening · 23/12/2013 17:56

Suggest you do a joint one or not at all.

MostWicked · 23/12/2013 17:56

You don't to strip naked for it. You can wear a nice chemise or a pretty robe - anything you feel comfortable in really!
It may not have been a great idea, but I think he just wants you to feel good about yourself and see yourself as beautiful like he clearly does.

maddening · 23/12/2013 17:57

Ps as in he won't do it so you won't either - it could backfire if he is up for it

lollerskates · 23/12/2013 18:17

I'd cringe to death if someone gave me this. How unbearable.

TheABC · 23/12/2013 18:20

This struck a chord with me as it's something under discussion between myself and DH. The difference being, I had already done a baby/ bump shoot and chose what clothing to wear or discard. If it goes ahead it will be my choice and he would reciprocate. .

I think your DH meant well, but went about it in entirely the wrong way. The good news is that you can either:

A) get a refund
B) do the shoot, but keep your (everyday but nice) clothes on. You can discuss it with the photographer beforehand to ensure your wishes are respected. It can actually boost your confidence as you take along (and choose) the outfits to wear and you normally get your makeup and hair done professionally as well. Honestly, if you just want a nice pic that you would be proud of putting on the wall, that is what they will do.
C) Ask your DH to do the shoot.

Either way, good luck.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 23/12/2013 18:24

D. Do shoot while er making fudge.

Would you put his pics on your profile op?

XiCi · 23/12/2013 18:25

Oh OP, couldn't help laughing at you bursting into tears when you saw his photo. Bet that burst his bubble!!

TheABC · 23/12/2013 20:06

Thisis -YY to option D!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2013 20:10

Oh, dear.

If it's not your thing just say no. You don't need to explain it. He will feel daft for a bit then get over it - I'm sure he had good motives.

But it is such an intimate thing to do, you shouldn't feel you have to do it.

DrivingToDistraction · 23/12/2013 20:13

Do NOT make fudge during the shoot. Boiling sugar and nudity do not mix.

mumofweeboys · 23/12/2013 20:49

I think it's quite sweet that he wants you to feel better about yourself. I was reading some of the reviews and they must be tasteful as people talk about showing relatives. www.buyagift.co.uk/Pampering/For-Your-Eyes-Only-Boudoir-Photoshoot-BR-1051172.aspx

However if its not for you then tell him you really appreciate the gift but you don't feel in the right place to do it.

I totally see where you are coming from as after having another baby and piling on the weight so I still look pregnant I'm at my lowest body confidence ever. However my oh seems to find me even more gorgeous so go figure.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 23/12/2013 21:20

Those poor relatives ;)

MerryFuckingChristmas · 24/12/2013 00:03

They show relatives ?

FGS, I bet they put the pics on FB too. How depressing.

Pilgit · 24/12/2013 00:19

I have no idea how I would react to that but it's the sort of thing my DH would do. It sounds like he finds you sexy because you are you - whatever 'packaging' you come in. This is beautiful and itself should be a confidence boost. It sounds like he wants you to see you as he does - as the beautiful, gorgeous woman you are. He may have got the way of delivering that message way off the mark though..... [sorry, I've been at the sherry....]

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 00:24

The photos will certainly get him to the soft ball stage. So it's almost the same?

AnuvvaMuvva · 24/12/2013 00:26

Maybe he's worried you're too Vanilla. I hope this doesn't put your marriage on the Rocky Road.

Caitlin17 · 24/12/2013 02:22

Oh dear, it sounds awful. I'm going to sound an awful snob but the fact the website is called "pampering for your eyes only" puts it on a par with the relative specific cards. Just too naff.

I'm assuming the photographs will be nice versions of page 3 and/ or twee copies of David Hamilton rather than Helmut Newton or Robert Maplethorpe?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 24/12/2013 02:51

OMG
I won a photo package once and did it but it was MY idea and MY choice.
Can't believe your DH did it himself!
Trade it for a gym membership.

sykadelic15 · 24/12/2013 04:06

Okay I read this and thought WTH! But looking at some of the pics you wouldn't actually be naked, you'd be dressed in lingerie or nighties or whatever you feel sexy in.

It's not something I'd think to get done myself but I HAVE had a glamour shot done and it's a great photo (most people have a hard time believing it's me... which is sad really :S).

I'd give it a shot ONLY if I had a female photographer (who didn't look like a Victoria's Secret model herself) and as long as I had veto power if I thought they sucked.

Can't hurt right? Only photos!

HairyGrotter · 24/12/2013 08:45

I have cripplingly awful views of my body, my DP finds me the sexiest creature to walk this earth, he often wishes I saw myself through his eyes but he would never buy something like this for me!

I think it's rather insensitive, YANBU to cry, I would, a lot

Mamafratelli · 24/12/2013 08:55

This is the best worst christmas present ever. Ask him to have the photos done as you find him so sexy and put a lovely big one up in the downstairs loo.

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry · 24/12/2013 09:26

"whatever you feel sexy in"

At present I don't feel sexy in anything - from OP's comments I gather it's the same for her. No matter how great DH thought the photos looked, I'd look at them and see baby-belly, soft chin(s), fat arms, thick thighs, etc etc etc. Unless they were very substantially airbrushed/edited I would absolutely hate them, and the whole experience would leave me feeling worse than I already do.

If your body image is low then you're fragile in this area.

Theodorous · 24/12/2013 09:30

Yuck, I expect he meant well (I can imagine the hand of an interfering female mum/colleague/friend). Make him do the bloody shoot instead and buy yourself a extra large present instead.

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