I have never had a close relationship with my Dad's mother, as a child my mum and I saw her maybe three times a year or so.
My memories of her are that she was not a nice lady. She was always rude and mean to my mum and when I was quite young, but old enough that I'll always remember, she tricked me into taking a bite out of soap (just an example to try to show what she was like)
She seems to have got a little better as time has gone on but we (my mum and I) still don't have any kind of relationship with her and to be honest I really don't care.
My dad has just asked me if I want to take my children to visit her tomorrow with him and my mum. She's Polish so celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve.
I don't want to go, I really don't. But am I being unreasonable and selfish not to?
I have a four year old and a 15 month old.
The four year old will be excitable and want to run around and play. She's generally pretty hyper when we go somewhere new.
The 15 month is at the age where she wants to be exploring/destroying everything.
It's a small flat, full of ornaments that she does not like to be touched. She also chain smokes.
Last time I was there I was pregnant. She continued to smoke and when my mum took my DD out of the room to sit in my Grandmother's bedroom to get away from the smoke and because she was bored stiff, my grandmother shouted out that she was a 'naughty girl' even though DD hadn't done a thing.
I just don't see the point in going.
She has poor sight and doesn't have all her mental faculties. She often doesn't know who I am when we go to visit. She'll perhaps be happy to see the children for two minutes before she gets grunmpy that they're moving around, touching things, wanting to go in her bedroom.
The toddler will be an abosulte nightmare to keep away from all her ornaments, neither of them will be happy to sit on the tiny couch. She'll be smoking a lot, talking polish, and ignoring us other than to maybe complain at us a few times.
My mum will probably take the kids into her bedroom anyway leaving me to sit on the couch to choke on her smoke.
So we might as well not be there?!
The only reason to go is because my dad wants us to for some reason.
To pretend to have some sort of relationship with this woman?
To show off his grand kids that she can't see and probably doesn't really care about and will just get cross at?
I honestly don't understand.
I guess I should go because it's Christmas and that's what people do?
It'll only be for an hour or so but I'll just spend the whole time trying to stop the toddler from destroying her shit.
But I'd sooner be at home with my family.
Am I being terribly unreasonable to make up some shitty excuse not to go?