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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be still in a huff with DH for saying her would give me the 'card' to go a stay in a hotel

22 replies

ashamedoverthinker · 23/12/2013 09:00

Yesterday

I had a little lie in while DH did early shift (5am with DD)

Both had lazy morning DH did breakfast

I went to ge the last items from Toys R Us/Tesco (approx 2 hours) whilst DH had the Tesco shop arrive (big) and put this away, fed kids. Had DS's mate round.

DH and DS went to cinema - I cooked a baked ham (not in coke no no!) and a 'conplex' (i.e. a decent one with all 50 ingrediants..) lamb curry

By 8pm when they arrived home I was full of cold with a pain behind my eye (blocked sinus which has eased) I went in the bath to clear my head cold and read.

DH started banging about in kitchen under bathroom - kids going loopey. I shouted down to be quiet, thrid time I screamed - yes the rage descended. He responded by saying he wasnt having that and with 'vigour' told me I could have the credit card and go and book myself into the hotel.

He was referring to the same hotel he stayed in when he left a few years back and we were seperated - a stressful and painful time. So for him to say this to me reguardless of my screaming to be quiet I felt was quite nasty.

Everyone has apologised and we have discussed it. He said he didnt mean it but I still feel hurt and huffed - AIBU to be still huffed about it? I'm really fecked off to be feeling this way.

He has gone to the gym to meet his mate this AM. I am on sofa under blanket.

OP posts:
AnotherWorld · 23/12/2013 09:03

Yes YABU. Sorry. Let it go.

Hope your head feels better.

Delurkedforthis · 23/12/2013 09:05

Hope you're feeling better.

So let's get this straight: he was kind of in the front line all day, and whilst he was still in the front line you told him to be quiet whilst he was doing everything that being in the front line requires.

Let's just put it this way: I am not wholly surprised that the rage descended and he did the right thing to apologise (as did you) and yes you are massively U to still be in a huff about it. Yes what he said was hurtful but fuck me, he was provoked.

HTH

WooWooOwl · 23/12/2013 09:06

Yabu, but people sometimes are when they don't feel well.

MimiSunshine · 23/12/2013 09:07

YABU you all apologised so you have to move past it. Otherwise what was the point of the apology?

bionic77 · 23/12/2013 09:07

He has said sorry for what must have been an outburst in a moment of anger. Ask yourself what more he can do to apologise? It seems like you haven't forgiven him for what has happened in the past, so maybe you need to work out how you get over this?

Don't let a row like this ruin your Christmas xx

PumpkinPie2013 · 23/12/2013 09:09

Hope you feel better soon.

I do think yabu - it sounds as if you both had a very busy day (in different ways) and were tired/stressed.

I can understand his comment was hurtful but since he has apologised and you have discussed it I think you need to let it go now and enjoy Christmas as a family x

Roshbegosh · 23/12/2013 09:09

I don't know why you would demand quiet from everyone in the house just because you wanted a relaxing bath to clear your head cold and read a while. They were all just living and you screamed, the rage descended ... YABU. You should apologise to everyone for acting like a mad person. You get a headache after choosing to cook something with fifty ingredients and then everyone has to tiptoe and whisper?

PumpkinPie2013 · 23/12/2013 09:11

Hope you feel better soon.

I do think yabu - it sounds as if you both had a very busy day (in different ways) and were tired/stressed.

I can understand his comment was hurtful but since he has apologised and you have discussed it I think you need to let it go now and enjoy Christmas as a family x

Killinascullion · 23/12/2013 09:14

YABU. No-one is perfect and your DH apologised. What's to be gained by sulking?

Put a big smile on your face, give everyone a hug and think lots of happy thoughts.

It's Christmas and presumably you want your kids to grow up with happy memories of Christmas and not memories of a sulky parent spoiling things. I speak from experience!

CaptainSweatPants · 23/12/2013 09:14

It's this time of year
I feel for you op
The adults are cranky with the stress of shopping, cooking, guests, trying to make Xmas perfect for the kids
The kids are hyped up after weeks of anticipation

Me & dh had a row this morning over where 3 boxes were going to go Xmas Hmm
Roll on boxing day Xmas Grin

BohemianGirl · 23/12/2013 09:15

What Roshbegosh said.

No one likes a martyr

Original poster
ashamedoverthinker · 23/12/2013 09:31

Ok MN. I'll blow my snotty nose and put a smile on Smile

BUT - I see rosh and bohem have highlighted my 'demand' for quiet. So I'm wondering don't other adults expect a point in the day to sit quiet and do whatever? I must admit I do from 8pm at night this is when I study or spend time with DH. Though I dont usually scream about it.

Bionic - I think you have a point about the past - we generally have a happy stable relationship. Much better than before seperation. But there are still painful memories there. We have made lots of newer happy memories since but I guess these are the scars.

I feel like such a mardy cowbag.

OP posts:
bionic77 · 23/12/2013 20:10

Hope you're ok. Use this Christmas to make more happy memories. Everyone is allowed a little rant now and then. Crack open a bottle and enjoy the eve before Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas Grin

Original poster
ashamedoverthinker · 23/12/2013 20:15

thanks bionic nice of you to come bck n add that post.

merry christmas

OP posts:
lilyaldrin · 23/12/2013 20:19

Surely you only get quiet once children are in bed?

I don't think it's reasonable to expect quiet in the kitchen just because someone is in the bath upstairs.

Original poster
ashamedoverthinker · 23/12/2013 20:26

my point is having done the cooking n fed them there was no need to be in kitchen clashing about. the kids were supposed to be put to bed, so yes quiet then but he didnt.

anyway i dont think im v tolerant. we need a bigger house. or i need to go stay in the local travel lodge

OP posts:
VeniseAndMe · 23/12/2013 20:26

I would say it depends whether you told him about your headache and pain behind the eyes.
If you hadn't, then there is no reason why he would have been able to guess that the noise was an issue for you.
If you have then Hmm

It can be hard when you are unwell to cope with noise and demands.
It wasn't really on for him to make a comment about getting back to that hotel. But then he might have struggled like hell with 2 dcs creating havoc in the kitchen.

Original poster
ashamedoverthinker · 23/12/2013 20:32

thanks i should say that dh has made further ammends today by bringing back lemsips n vicks n flowers this am.

ive had a nap this afternoon. i did get woke up but never said anything and i heard dh shushin

never buy a house with open stairs off lounge u hear everything. cant wait to move

OP posts:
lilyaldrin · 23/12/2013 20:34

If DP started shouting at me to be quiet/put the kids to bed while he was relaxing in the bath, I'd pull the plug and tell him to do it himself.

Original poster
ashamedoverthinker · 23/12/2013 20:41

i didnt shout that he qas supposed to be doung it as i went in the bath so after 5 mins of goodnights it wud be quiet or yes i may aswell have done it myself.

useful thisto get perspective re tolerance levels.

im not in huff any more!

OP posts:
SqueakyCleanLibertine · 23/12/2013 20:41

Sounds like you have a lovely dh who lost his rag, so did you though, glad you're moving on! Envy at getting flowers for any reason!

Original poster
ashamedoverthinker · 23/12/2013 21:44

thanks squeaky he is a good sort

OP posts:
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