To think fair's fucking fair with bonuses

[PosyNarker]

So background is, years ago DP and I sold our individual flats and bought a house. I had a shedload more collateral (£20k) than he had and he earned a little bit (5k) more than me.

We agreed early doors on a 'equal left over' model, but I had bonuses and we agreed that after my car insurance, I would spend it on the house. He had better healthcare than me, so this seemed fair.

Anyway, now I'm about to move job...but I haven't moved yet, nothing set in stone. If I move, I earn £10-17.5k more than him.

He's now got a job with bonuses and is saying 'I have 800 this quarter, I'll buy you a bangle'. Bangle is £300 don't get me wrong but am I wrong in feeling that if I'm flinging my money in the pot so he gets equal (which I am), he ought to do likewise? He claims the bonus is discretionary, but would have a hairy canary if I spent my annual 15% bonus on a Rolex...so I think this is unfair. He seems to think my bonus is guaranteed which is bullshit frankly - I've made more money in 2011 than I have since...

So yeah, I think he should share, he thinks I'm being a mean higher earner (despite the fact he's getting more of my salary than I am and I couldn't argue that since he has a casual workplace and I don't, I need a bit more 'pocket money' than he does!).

Agreed, either both bonuses need to go in the joint pot, or neither do. He can't have both!

Or, they both need to be used for something joint, eg a new bathroom/holiday/paying off debt etc. That's how we do it.

He is being greedy, does he not get bonuses often?

Yes he's being a greedy entitled git. A bangle FFS??

Yanbu.

Either you both share bonuses entirely/not at all/ share half and keep half.

Perhaps the latter most would work best for you?

You've got two options.

1. split all bills down the middle and you both keep any extra money separately. Basically you get your own money and a level of protection from the other.
2. you both pool your money completely and stop keeping score, like partners. That means if one of you can't work the other takes the slack etc. What's yours is ours. Honestly, the keeping tabs on who has what makes me think your relationship isn't as committed as you want it to be. For us, it's all pooled, belong to the family and inequities come out n the wash.

Are you joint owners in title deeds? Situations change and you both need to be flexible as these things happen.
Reevaluating agreements like this on a continuous basis is important to avoid conflicts and make sure you're planning well for the future.

Personally though, if I were you I would also be considering setting any extra money aside in investments under your own name if you have disposable income (after you have made the agreed contributions to the house).
These would also be for your future or a rainy day, big project etc but you would have a little more security over your own money in the long term, especially if he is not playing "fair" with his own bonuses.

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Is this his first bonus? Nothing beats that feeling when you get your first one. I remember treating myself with my first one. Subsequent bonuses went on sensible things like new carpets/central heating etc. I would let him keep it the first year. If you don't like the bangle idea let him treat you to something you do like. Following years you need to have a discussion. My own view is that bonuses are exactly that, a bonus. Either you both keep yours for treats, or put a proportion into the pot for the house.

DH gets a bonus, I don't ask how much and it's his to do what he wants with.