Is it me

[Golightly133]

I have no family nearby and my siblings who are in this country won't visit or be visited over Christmas. My parents live abroad and send presents if they remember, I try so hard to make Xmas special i decorate the house and cook and invite people over, sew with my children making decorations etc I really try to make an effort and my children informed me today that they prefer grandmas christmas dinner they don't like tree and I feel do deflated I put so much effort in to cover the fact that my family is naf and they just seem so ungrateful

How old are the children? My 9 year old delights in telling me that my sister's gravy is MUCH nicer than mine...it is...tough luck! Don't take it personally...kids are mean at times. However if your kids are over 12 thn yanbu to be upset and you need to sort out their manners.

10,11,&12 I think I just feeling crappy about everything anyway need to pull myself together x

I think children are ungrateful, basically, for everything, until they're maybe 21.

Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself to make it the perfect Christmas?

Yes...take no notice OP! Eat chocolate, please yourself a bit...have wine!

You could be right I do it every year but I think it's to hide my sadness at feeling left out by my own family, daft isn't it?

Do you get your kids involved? Would they prefer something more low key?

I was chuffed to bits the other day when dd (nearly 19) said how much she enjoys how relaxed our Christmas is. I cook. We all chill, eat, watch rubbish tv and various films. None of it is stressful. There are no expectations. All I want is for everyone to feel happy.

Yeah we have done that today just chilled out watched telly played scrabble - they have probably forgotten they have said it and here's me worrying ??

That sounds about right. Don't stress about it.

If they prefer their Grandma's dinner maybe they should be more help with the Christmas prep?

Don't feel bad. DCs are just honest and not spiteful. My DS much prefers being at my parents. When I was an insecure single parent this struck me hard and hurt. Now I'm in a different place I just feel sort of pleased when he says it - glad that he's formed such a bond.

I'm sorry it's a tough time of year. Your DCs will have good memories of Christmas and maybe in the future their DCs will favour your lunch ....!

Thanks x

So, even though your family don't have any time for you, your kids still see them?

I'd be having a long hard look at that iiwy. It is damaging for your kids to be around people who have no respect for their mother - damaging for your little family, damaging for the kids, damaging all round.

Having your family validated right the way up and through is more important than giving your kids aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. I found this out the hard way btw.

Don't take seriously what your kids say. They probably only say it to get a rise - if you showed you couldn't care less (fake it!), and if they want to bugger off then they can, they might snap to and realise how lucky they are. xx

Just realised it might be the other grandma - sorry! I'm techy about this subject.

Sorry your family is crap. I hope you get to a place where it ceases to hurt xx

I think my new year resolution i going to back away from my family (parents /siblings) and stop trying so hard to be part of it -I think it's dragging me down and I need to move on from them all and concentrate on my own daughters x
Thanks everyone x