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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would a "round Robin" like this make new look like a fool / crazy / ????

22 replies

catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 22:27

I haven't told "Christmas card" friends or casual local friends about my current situation. To late for xmas but would this be mad to send ??? Anyone good with wording ???

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;::::::::

n July 2010 h suffered a mental break down, cause as yet unknown. Resulting in server short term memory loss (less than 5 minutes recall) , server apathy and a general "retreat" from family life / running the * business with his wife.

He stopped working totally in Jan 2011.

In Aug 2012 , unable to cope vwith the day to day realities of a busy home life with 4 kids, he chose to go and live with his sister in C

Due to his vulnerable positron his sister facilitates his access to finances, medical care, social activities, accommodation etc

Since moving to c had filed for divorce.

It had been an extremely distressing for all concerned and no conclusion seems imminent.

OP posts:
kinkychristmas · 22/12/2013 22:29

A bit 'too much information' for casual acquaintances I would have thought?
Why not just send a greeting from just you (and any kids) and if someone responds to ask about his name being left off you can tell them you're no longer together?

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 22:31

I don't think they need to know the backstory really do they?

Salmotrutta · 22/12/2013 22:31

You have been trying to resolve this situation for a long time OP haven't you?

I remember your story Sad

I'm sorry this is still so awful.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 22:34

Kinky

I don't know why but the REASON we aren't together is important to me.

If he'd cheated id be telling others that not just that we'd split

OP posts:
OddBoots · 22/12/2013 22:34

It's your right to tell them what you like but if it were me I'd just send a card with only my and the children's names on it, if that prompts them to ask then I'd feel that was more the time.

Famzilla · 22/12/2013 22:35

Just say "unfortunately DH and I have decided we can no longer be together and are now doing xyz. I am looking forward to a new start in life and all that 2014 can bring " or something like that. That way, if people ask.. You can tell them.

IMO I would feel uncomfortable if someone I wasn't close to sent me a letter like that. I would feel obliged to almost like, take care of them or something.

I'm sorry this has happened though, I hope you are holding up.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 22:37

Old :

I just don't want to have to go through it all over and over if people do ask. I just want the bare bones "out there" so to speak and be done.

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 22/12/2013 22:40

Im more a lurker than a poster and i do recognise your story. Honestly, i wouldnt do it. Lord, it must drive you mad though.. Dont hold back if people ask - you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of just dont hit people with it unasked (imo). Enjoy Christmas with your DCs x x

Original poster
catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 22:44

I just hate the thought that others outside of the situation think "Oh another break up" etc etc when from inside is just sooooooo different. :(

I suppose I just want MY voice to be heard, what b I KNOW to be v the v Truth to be known but ....... sigh. ..... is pointless :(

OP posts:
MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 22/12/2013 22:56

I have been in a similar situation. I felt that everyone needed to know the reasons for our split so that they didn't think the wrong thing about me.It seemed so important then what people thought of me. I had counselling which helped me realise that it really didn't matter.

Now I just say we're not together anymore. In the end only close friends asked me any details which helped as they could understand what was happening. Everyone else said sympathetic things and that was it. Thankfully I've reached a point where I don't card what people think. It's impossible for some people to understand or empathise anyway.

Sorry to hear you're struggling with this.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 23:02

Thanks for the replies.

It's just all pants :(

I'm hoping to afford counseling in the new v year to just "move on" but as stbxh is improving memory wise recently I just don't know what the future may hold.

OP posts:
MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 22/12/2013 23:06

Sounds like a horrible situation you're in. I have 1 d s so I take my hat off to you coping with this with 4.

Are you in UK? If so why do you have to pay for counselling. Should be ava.lable through your gp

gimcrack · 22/12/2013 23:08

Good luck, Cat. Don't send the round robin with all the details. Tell close friends and family, no one else really matters.

Salmotrutta · 22/12/2013 23:10

If your H's memory is improving is there no chance things might eventually be resolved between you both?

scottishmummy · 22/12/2013 23:11

What you've written is personal,and deserves to be disclosed to someone who'll listen and care
Don't put that in a card,too personal to just be read
No answers,but take care

FluffyJumper · 22/12/2013 23:23

Yes it would make you look crazy. To most other people it really is 'just another break up'. Of course his breakdown makes it feel different, but it would be too far from the 'social norm' of seasons greetings type messages you normally get in cards to send it and so would seem odd.

Original poster
catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 23:29

Thanks again, I won't send anything.

Mn wisdom to the rescue again !

OP posts:
LovesBaublingTheTreeAgain · 22/12/2013 23:33

I think you would regret it. But I understand why you'd want to do it. Everything you went through before she got involved and then how she did it. I'd want people to know we didn't just split up

Original poster
catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 23:34

Salmot :

If h memory does return to normal I don't know what will happen.

It would all depend if he continues to believe the lues he had been fed since leaving us.

But I suspect that his sisters promise to "do everything i can you make sure he never comes home" will still play out.

OP posts:
zipzap · 22/12/2013 23:36

If you wanted to say something that included the details, how about something less specific than your original version...

'Unfortunately/Sadly DH and I have split up (have had to split up?) after he had a breakdown, lost his short term memory and the ability to deal with either family or work. He's buggered off now living with his sister whilst we struggle on without him.'

Still not perfect and you'd need to tweak the options but gets over that it wasn't a normal break up, you're not happy and much shorter for you to write out!

Original poster
catfourfeet · 22/12/2013 23:36

Lies not lues ( is that a type of fruit he's been fed lol)

OP posts:
ancientbuchanan · 22/12/2013 23:37

I completely sympathise, in part because OH is having s bad breakdown and it's v hard explaining all sorts of things.

I wouldn't send it, but might be tempted to say

" stbexdh is ill and elsewhere so this is, with love, from cat and the kids"

If people want to follow up they will.

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