Aibu- would this piss you off....?

[Tinkerisdead]

I'm going for it and posting this here ready for a christmas onslaught.

My Mil is a coeliac vegetarian and she is coming for christmas dinner. I'm making her a lentil/nut roast thing for her starter, a Stilton stuffed mushroom for main and a gluten free choc truffle torte for dessert alongside all normal tradional fare. I've also got tons of gluten free stuff like bread, cakes, crackers and today made her a cheese and onion G/F quiche (which by the way was like rolling out mashed potato and not easy)

My Dh commented he didn't know why I was bothering as she'll still tuck into all the bad stuff because " you know it's christmas". He's probably right, on holiday she ate pasta and a baguette as well as batter from the fish and chip shop because you know "I'm on holiday". She fully understands coeliac disease so it's not ignorance. She's a crap cook and lives on jacket potatoes by all accounts so I always make her nice stuff.

Today I went to my dad/step mums. She has various health issues and has been following both a gluten free and lactose free diet swapping and changing at times to see what impacts on her health. When I was there she was eating breaded fried cheese portions.

I invited them to dinner on New Year's Day and she reminded me that "I'm dairy free, at a push gluten free too".

Now, I will happily accommodate someone's food avoidance needs etc. But Aibu to be a bit pissed off that I will be making huge efforts to prepare/avoid cross contamination etc to create a three course meal for someone who clearly says "ah fuck it it's christmas" and ignores their food constraints. I had to avoid cows milk protein when I was breast feeding my dd2 and I completely understand the desperate craving to just eat what you want(esp at Xmas) but isn't this a bit of a cheek if someone has gone to efforts to ensure your needs have been catered for?

You are definitely doing the right thing. If your guests with dietary restrictions choose to eat whatever they like, then so be it. At least you know that you were not the cause of any discomfort they may suffer should they choose to eat anything they want to.

So, in that respect you are BU. BUT BUT BUT: I would be just as pissed off and would definitely feel that IWNBU if I were in your shoes!!! (all exclamations marks intended!!!)

You are being considerate to accommodate her dietary needs but she is an adult and it must be tough to not be able to just eat what you want. If she does indulge just take it on the chin and be happy you don't have to live with her limited diet or the consequences of indulging for once.

I have a friend who does this. Whinges ad infinitum about food intolerances and complains when we go out for dinner that no-one ever considers her needs and the menu choice is always limited for her. Then I go to great lengths to find somewhere that does varied wheat and dairy free options, and she tucks into the bread rolls and chocolate desserts because she 'feels like being naughty!'.

You are so NBU.

Oh and I used to go out with someone who had coeliac disease and if he ate something not allowed he'd end up in A&E. Those who turn it on and off wind me up no end.

Yanbu.

But did you not call her on the breaded Camembert as she reminded you of her clearly optional dietary quirks?

Fwiw, your Xmas menu sounds lovely, and I can sympathise with someone with a longerm health condition thinking feck it and dealing with the consequences. For nyd just make it uber simple for yourself and don't fret too much about a full on alternative.

I really don't mind at all people falling off the wagon as it were, but mil has serious health implications if she throws caution to the wind. And step mum munching on breadcrumbed cheese whilst reminding me to cook dairy free for her felt like a right nerve. I will of course cater for their specific needs and smile graciously but it feels like a real slight on me as the host to be honest.

DM spends vast amount of time and energy telling anyone within ear shot about her diabetic needs, appts, check ups, and how she has to be 'good'. ''One tiny square of chocolate per evening'' only for me, etc etc.

So where then, DM, does the bar of cadbury's, the can of squirty cream, the victoria sponge, the box of eclairs, the chocolate porridge and the packet of biscuits go that you buy every week? (i drive her to do her shopping - is how i know what she buys)

OP - have a clear conscience and cook the correct stuff. Up to them what they eat apart from that.

YANBU to find it annoying, but in order to maintain your status as a considerate host you have to make them food that fits with their illnesses.

The choice to break their diet and suffer the consequences must be theirs alone, and must be freely made (so you can't say I guess I could make you something else in a pained voice either).

People like that are what ready meals are for. Don't kill yourself making a special effort.

Or go a similar approach to the restaurant in Paris I went to with a big group, a couple of whom were vegetarian. For starters they were brought a plate of mixed boiled veg each. For main course, they were then brought an identical plate of mixed boiled veg each.

Yanbu. I would be tempted to cook normally then if they complained tell them you thought they were having a break!

(I should point out "people like that" = people with apparently optional dietary restrictions. I have a friend with a supposed nut allergy like that. I'll gladly cater for people who really eat specialist diets and the likes of Rhubarb's friend.)

Q. Why is the search for a reasonable MIL unlike the search for the unicorn, the Yeti, and the Holy Grail?

A. Because the others just might exist.

at a plate of mixed boiled veg.

I should add that my dad is diabetic and never uttered a word about his specific dietary need. I will go to a big effort for each of them, MIL is amazing to me and lives on potatoes so it's nice to try to treat her.

My dad/stepmum I never ever have over, I rarely see them(because not to drip feed but she annoys me hence no I won't challenge her, as she's a force to be reckoned with). For those reasons I've never spent Xmas with my dad since I was 5, this year I felt I should invite them for something
And wanted to make him something lovely to show him he is cared for and considered.

They know what makes them feel bad though, and whether it is worth the suffering for the pleasure of the food.

You are surely going to be kind and prepare the proper foods for them though, so they have options.

X post. I knew you would!

andrewofgg Bravo! Just what I needed to cheer me up today