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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or a bit entitled

16 replies

pissedoffandupset · 22/12/2013 18:17

was my birthday two days ago. DH and I haven't been getting on well for several weeks, partly due to financial problems but there's other stuff in the background as well. I just don't feel he prioritizes family time at the moment -- when he's at home he just doesn't have the inclination to do anything with me and dd, just wants to sleep and watch TV and gets resentful if pressed to do anything more.

In part I understand as he's working v hard to support the household and is exhausted, but I am frustrated that he seems to resent ever giving up any free time to do the smallest thing with me and DD -- a walk in the park, a pub lunch etc, but usually goes to the pub at least one weekend and one week night. Outings with me and DD are only ever done after nagging from me, never spontaneously and even then once in a blue moon.

He got nothing for me for my birthday, not even a card. Didn't even say happy birthday and didn't get me anything from DD. I kept hoping he was going to spring a surprise and take me somewhere, not a bit of it. He's just said he's going to cook me a nice dinner, but it turns out to be something - admittedly something I quite like -- which he cooks once a fortnight or so anyway. He's also just spent £80 on a phone for himself and over a hundred quid on a christmas present for DD, so while we do have financial problems its not like he couldn't have found £20 to treat me. I mentioned to him last week that I'd really like to go to a new pub in our area this weekend for a pub lunch and said I'd even pay if he was skint. He hasn't picked up on the hint.

He is under stress at the moment and life isn't easy but I feel really heartbroken that he couldn't just have found one way to let me know he was thinking about me. And yes I have mentioned it and he looked a bit sorrowful and said that I'm old enough not to mind not having a fuss made of my birthday.

OP posts:
UsedToBeNDP · 22/12/2013 18:19

No YANBU. He was thoughtless and mean.

Hawkmoth · 22/12/2013 18:21

I think you already know the answer. I'm sorry.

Guitargirl · 22/12/2013 18:23

YANBU at all. It doesn't cost anything to wish someone a happy birthday and give them a cuddle. It costs very little to give a card and some flowers/chocolates. He is being very thoughtless.

CaptainSweatPants · 22/12/2013 18:23

:(

Chottie · 22/12/2013 18:26

He sounds very uncaring and unloving (sorry, if that sounds blunt).

Binkyridesagain · 22/12/2013 18:27

YANBU. He won't mind when its his birthday, will he?

My DH forgot my birthday once, he will never forget it again, he daren't.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 22/12/2013 18:30

You are not being at all entitled

That your Husband couldnt even be bothered to give a card or a small gift is spiteful. Mind, from your OP it sounds that you are way way down his list of priorities. Wrong wrong wrong when you are supposed to be the one he married.

A full and frank conversation about everything needs to happen.

Suelford · 22/12/2013 18:33

How hard is he working? I have occasionally had times at work where I could genuinely use the word "exhausted", and it isn't pleasant. If my partner had expected me to fit anything extra around it other than mindless TV watching/sleeping then they'd have been left disappointed, because there just was nothing left in the tank. If that's the case, you might need to adjust expectations. Do you both work?

pissedoffandupset · 22/12/2013 18:52

yes we both work. He does work very hard, usually six days a week at the moment. But I'm working very hard at the moment too and I found time to get him a present from myself and from DD. I don't believe anyone is too busy to buy a birthday card.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 22/12/2013 18:57

YANBU. Horrid he bought for himself but not for you. Is he usually so uncaring?

Being exhausted is not an excuse for ignoring you on your birthday.

You sound very passive about it. Does he know how you feel?

Do you usually get each other gifts?

[hugs] and belated happy birthday from me Smile

maras2 · 22/12/2013 19:08

Before our retirement last year,both DH and I worked hard for 40 years.We brought up a family and had the usual day to day stresses and strains.We never ever ignored or overlooked each other's birthdays.Your DH is a very unkind man and you don't sound at all entitled.

Fairylea · 22/12/2013 19:15

He's being really mean in my opinion.

And what is he doing spending £80 on a phone when you have financial problems?!

A nice card and a specially planned meal he's cooked for you (not something he does at routine) wouldn't cost much and he could have got dd to make a card for you and spend time with her doing that.

I would be hurt and angry too.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 22/12/2013 19:16

YANBU.

His behaviour is thoughtless and uncaring and unacceptable! It shows you are low down the list of priorities.

Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel?

Bowlersarm · 22/12/2013 19:20

YANBU.

That's rubbish OP.

It doesn't matter how old you are, or how many birthdays you have had, it is up to your nearest and dearest to make you feel special and loved, on your birthday.

It is really, really crap of him to ignore your birthday. There is no excuse.

Rhubarbgarden · 22/12/2013 19:25

You need to talk to him.

pissedoffandupset · 22/12/2013 19:40

He did buy me a box of chocolates the next day. But they were discounted at the local Tesco. I accepted them gracefully because I didn't want another fight before Xmas but it just didn't really cut it.

OP posts:
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