To refuse invites and stay home?

[ShinyBauble]

I should start off by saying that I am a definite introvert. I nearly always get 100% in those introvert/extrovert tests.

My close family members always host Christmas Day and Boxing Day at their house, and all relatives in the county go to one or the other. It's kind of mandatory at this point. DS will be with his Dad so I'll be on my own.

I can't go into details without possibly outing myself, but due to things which happened in the past I am so uncomfortable around my family. They treat me like an unexploded bomb iykwim, the conversation is basic, and superficial. They all socialise with each other a lot and there are in-jokes which I'm not party to. I find socialising with them very draining and headache inducing. I also hate the scrutiny of opening presents in front of everyone.

But for some reason, I cannot just excuse myself from the festivities as the others can. I have to have a very good reason for not attending, and even then I will probably get a snotty phonecall from one of the hosts.

To be fair - from their side they would probably say that I have fewer commitments than anyone else (not working atm) and that everyone else makes the effort to get there and join in. They'd also say that I have a nice time when I'm there, and that I'm missing the chance to spend time with nieces and nephews.

I would really rather be at home, make my own little turkey dinner and watch a lot of TV with the cat. AIBU?

No.

Do what you want to do.

I'd prefer the TV and cat option too.

Gosh….I think you may have to develop raging D&V on Xmas eve, with a temp. VERY contagious!!! x

Sounds fab! TV, sofa, food & cat! You should do whatever makes you comfortable. Merry Christmas.

You get to please yourself at Christmas (and any other time if the year) so to my mind the big question is can you keep fielding the comments to avoid going and then deal with the fall out a after. If you can and it's worth it then stay home. If you think you'll find it more of a chore than the benefits you'll gain then grin and bear it as the easiest option might be the best one.

OP, I once had a Christmas on my own and I still look back on that few days as pure heaven. You can't give up this chance. If you can't bear to cancel in advance then "call in sick" on the day with D&V. Meanwhile. What do you want to do? I prepared for it by getting films, indulgent food and nice wine. I went for a walk on the day. I played music and sang out loud (probably drunkenly) to my heart's content. What would you do with yours OP?

God, how selfish of them to want you to cope with a Christmas you don't want instead of one you do, so they can feel good about it/themselves.

I'd politely say that you want a nice quiet Christmas by yourself, and you're sure they don't actually want you to have a Christmas you don't want just to keep all of them happy, do they? You're sure they wouldn't be so selfish and would want you to have a nice day, too?

Families can be such a raging PITA. I've got to have my MIL, FIL, FIL's partner and my mother here as it is what my DS really wants and he's about to cease being an only child and finds it hard, so... my MIL is a spoilt child in her 60s (suggested to my husband on Friday that she gave DS the presents I had bought for him as well as the ones she'd already got and we could get something else, as "she wants to get a bigger reaction than his other grandparents will and Perfectstorm knows him best") who loathes her ex's partner (she left ex for another man, partner didn't appear for a couple of years) and my mother (closer to DS). My mother is a martyr who competes with everyone for everyone else's affections and tries very hard and with surprisingly high levels of effectiveness to alienate everyone in the family from everyone but her - she has no idea how much my husband dislikes and mistrusts her, either. FIL is a saint, but I think undiagnosed high functioning autism or Aspergers is an issue (many, many reasons, and it runs in my family so I am not speaking as someone without understanding of the subject) and he tries very hard to mediate by clunkingly inappropriate suggestions and involving a 5 year old in adult problems in an effort to force solutions he thinks might be nice. Thankfully his extremely kind but hugely literal minded partner is Belgian, so the rampant passive aggressive spite flying freely goes totally over her head. Though her hugely restricted diet is a problem in catering terms. Lucky I like cooking in general, really, given I am also 8 months pregnant!

All of which is intended to say: your planned Christmas sounds blissful, and I want to swap!

Wow perfectstorm, that's a handful and a half! See, that's why I feel guilty and selfish for wanting to stay home. Everyone else gets tortured by their relatives at Christmas, why shouldn't I?

But I think I am going to decline. I feel a bit low, like I'm fighting off a virus or something, and I don't think I can work up the necessary fake enthusiasm this year! Thanks all for backing me up. Here's to a happy loner Christmas!

I'd def develop a nasty D&V bug on christmas eve. Lots of viruses going round at this time of year aren't there!

Then have a lovely peaceful day with the cats!

no YANBU - I did this one year (pre kids) and LOVED it - I had so many invited and pitying comments though - I had a lovely day - enjoy x

inviteS not invited

I think you shoyld make an excuse and enjoy christmas the way you want to.

tell them you're ill or something.

it's not like you are leaving anyone in the lurch and you shouldn't have to spend the day suffering and feeling nervouse

Just say no OP and have a very happy christmas.

Have the 'D & V' hit tomorrow evening and then say you don't think it would be wise to risk infecting everyone else.

Then get plastered and have fun with crap tv/dvds and your lovely cat.