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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lying about Santa Claus

70 replies

ProudAS · 22/12/2013 08:11

Why is it OK to lie to DCs about Santa?

I was mortified when DM told me. I was at an age where I needed to know. I had wondered and thought that it all seemed a bit far fetched but my parents wouldn't have lied surely!!!!

OP posts:

Ubik1 · 22/12/2013 08:13

I'm an atheist etc

Still like the kids to believe in Santa. It's not great to lie to children but in the great scheme of things, it isn't the worst lie you could tell. I doubt anyone is left emotionally scarred.

Sirzy · 22/12/2013 08:13

There are loads of threads on this.

Really I can't see the issue, most kids work it out for themselves by the time they are 9. Its just a bit of fun which makes christmas even more magical for a few years for young children.

Parliamo · 22/12/2013 08:14

I have this difficulty. My mum wasn't happy with it either, and I never believed. It didn't spoil Christmas for me.

I've decided to treat it like a story like any other and the only time we really talk about it is through books. I now have a big collection! And the snowman DVD etc. I also don't do that - Santa is watching threat thing that seems very prevalent. I hate it!

BohemianGirl · 22/12/2013 08:18

Its a myth, started by therapists. If you can get your parents to fuck with your mind early on and cause ishoos, then the therapist can be assured of a lifetime of business.

SanityClause · 22/12/2013 08:19

There is no obligation to have FC as part of your family's Christmas traditions, if you'd rather not.

My DC loved believing in FC, and totally got why we "lied" to them - they have vivid imaginary worlds, to the extent that DD1 used to leave her window open for Peter Pan, at the age of 12.

We never did the "bogeyman" aspect i.e. if you're not good, you won't get anything. For us, FC was just a benevolent, magical person who brought gifts at Christmas.

This is the first year that we won't really have FC, as My youngest DC is nearly 10, and doesn't believe any more. But they'll still have stockings, etc.

But, if you don't want to do it, well, just don't! Christmas is lovely, anyway, without FC.

sykadelic15 · 22/12/2013 08:22

Seriously? ANOTHER thread about this?

I was not emotionally scarred because of the "lie" of Santa. Neither were any of my siblings or friends or anyone else I know. Everyone else I know keeps the magic of Santa alive.

Some parents are way OTT about these sorts of things... seems a bit too much like you think by not lying you're the MUCH better parent... bit judgy really.

Original poster

ProudAS · 22/12/2013 08:25

Can't say I'm emotionally scarred either but was mortified at the time.

OP posts:

wanderings · 22/12/2013 08:42

"Storytelling" (which I expect many parents do) about FC is one thing, treating it as a big happy story, with the intention that the children work it out for themselves is one thing.

Lying "militantly" is another: actively convincing DC's that presents are from him and nobody else, how dare you disbelieve me, nobody lies in this house, especially not your parents, and you'll never get presents again if you don't believe.

I'm not sure how I feel about the "going to see Santa in his grotto" thing, because I never did this. A "Santa" used to appear at my school; everyone realised he was the caretaker!

I really despise the "Santa knows if you've been bad" thing, and I loathe the song "Santa Claus is coming to town". There's an irony that the first two lines of that song are now prominently on some NSPCC posters.

Didn't Michael Rosen have a poem "Christmas Eve/Christmas Day/don't tell mum I'm running away" because he's afraid of Santa sneaking in?

CasperGutman · 22/12/2013 08:42

I never had a problem with my parents having "lied" to me about Father Christmas.

I can't actually remember when I realised he wasn't real. For as long as I can remember it's just been a big imaginary game we all participate in together. As far as anyone has said out loud, we all still believe - especially my mum ( I'm in my thirties)!

adeucalione · 22/12/2013 09:03

Parents perpetuate the story with their own children because they remember how magical it made their own childhood Christmases.

If people were traumatised by the realisation that their parents lied to them or whatever, they wouldn't keep it going with their own children.

I remember finding out Santa didn't exist and loved my parents for keeping it going as long as they did, the day never felt quite as special after that.

Hulababy · 22/12/2013 09:11

I believed in FC as a child. It was fun and magical and a lovely part f my childhood. I don't really remember finding out, or how but there was definitely no upset about finding it it wasn't quite true. Infact I love that my family would want to make Christmas that little but more exciting for their Children. So we did the same for our child too.

I have never met anyone in RL who was traumatised or even vaguely upset by finding out the truth as a child. Only ever heard of it via MN infact.

It does make me wonder if those who did feel so upset had other issues with their parents too. I really don't think it is a normal response it a child to be so traumatised by the realisation that their parents kept up a well known myth to make their Christmas a little more fun. It seems a bit of an over reaction and therefore suggests to me that those children maybe have other reasons to be so upset with their parents. I may be wrong but I do remember that someone did suggest as much on a previous thread one year.

natwebb79 · 22/12/2013 09:20

This AGAIN?! Another example of 'Planet Mumsnet'. I have never in my life encountered anybody who viewed the fun children's myth of Santa Claus as evil calculated lying. Cracks me up, ha!

Joysmum · 22/12/2013 09:29

The majority of parents were for traumatised by their own Santa lied they want to bring the same magic to their own children.

When my dd (aged 11) asked me, I said that as a 40 year old myself I like to believe in Santa because he brings joy to so many people and that's to be celebrated and cherished.

Job done, no trauma involved. Just now have an 12 year old who very much appreciates the huge efforts adults go to in order to make Christmas special and that's not a bad thing.

JapaneseMargaret · 22/12/2013 09:37

I loved the idea and magic and tradition of Father Christmas, so did DH, and we replicate it with our children, 4 and 3.

I was not traumatised, nor 'mortified' when I discovered he wasn't real. In fact, I don't even remember discovering it; it must've been a gradual thing. I love that my parents made an effort to make Christmas magical for us.

I agree with Hulababy.

babyjane67 · 22/12/2013 09:37

I totally agree natwebb&hulaby!
Brlieving in fc is a fantastic childhood memory for me&now my own child believing its magical!
As someone else said they work it out for themselves when they get older&i for one hate it when it happens because the magic is gone&christmas is never quite the same after!

pictish · 22/12/2013 09:40

Well...when I found out the truth about Santa, I felt very loved. I was so happy that my mum had gone to so much effort to create something magical for me! I didn't feel 'lied to' at all.

Lighten up ffs.

BackOnlyBriefly · 22/12/2013 09:46

I'm with the idea of keeping it as a story/game and not going to great lengths to make them believe it's real. While they are playing kids will 'believe' they are monsters or aliens. You play along with that, but you wouldn't fake evidence to convince them that they were.

One reason it came up before was parents who wanted everyone else go go along with it in case someone elses kid told their kids.

I don't think it automatically traumatises anyone, but you do get parents saying 'dd is crying because so and so told her santa wasn't real'. That's a bit of a clue that people are making it a bit too serious.

LadyBeagleEyes · 22/12/2013 09:46

Not another thread about this.
I've never yet met anyone who was traumatised learning the truth except on MN.
DS stopped believing about 8 (I think) through getting older and natural logic, he still treasures the memories at 18 as do I.

Snowdown · 22/12/2013 09:50

It doesn't feel like lying so much until they start questioning the story, trying to convince them when they are doubting, that's the bit where I started to feel like I was lying to them.

AscoyneDAscoyne · 22/12/2013 09:52

Yawn, I never lie to my kids blah blah blah.
Thankfully I don't know anybody who thinks like this in RL.

Monetbyhimself · 22/12/2013 09:52

Thread 619.

And still room for another 34 before Christmas Eve.

tinselkitty · 22/12/2013 09:56

I teach Y5 which seems to be a bit of a cross over age, some still totally believe, some are suspecting and some have know for ages.

Keeping the balance between keeping the magic alive, not being the one to finally shatter the tenuous dream and not look like I'm telling massive fibs to the kids who know is bloody exhausting.

I've basically gone down the slightly jokey I still believe in Santa/tooth fairy etc so don't shatter my dreams.

HarryTheHungryHippo · 22/12/2013 10:02

The issue I have with Santa is the pressure it puts on parents for whom Christmas is already a struggle.
It wouldn't be so bad if there was an unwritten rule that everybody told their children only 1 gift comes from Santa and the rest from family so if a family is struggling then the child can understand why they didn't get many presents from mum and dad but they still had that 1 special gift from Santa.
Plus it's more achievable, there's lots of charities at this time of the year that help to make sure children on the breadline get a gift from Santa.
It's seems cruel that some children will be wondering why little x in their class got 10 gifts from Santa and they only got 1.

Sirzy · 22/12/2013 10:07

Harry my parents with me always told me that they worked with Santa and had to pay towards the presents which made perfect sense to me as to why different children got different amounts. DS is just 4 and we are going for the same idea, he happily took some presents to a church collection for Santa to give to children whose mummies donnt have much money

Rufustherednosedreindeer · 22/12/2013 10:09

What someone is lying about Santa!!!!! Nooooooo!!!!!

That's what we do sirzy

And yes ds1 if you are reading this we do have Santas telephone number

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