to be really fucking angry

[dancingwithmyselfandthecat]

Twice in the last week I have been walking home from the tube station at about 11 (ten minute walk, mostly past shops and restaurants, well lit) when men have started walking next to me and tried to initiate conversations.

Of the "youre so pretty, what's your name?" "You out late, did you have fun" variety. Not directly threatening, but in context it is because no-one fucking does that. Both times I have ignored them and the men have turned nasty (only verbally, thankfully). "You deaf or you a bitch?" Sort of comment.

It makes me really fucking angry. What makes them think they have the right to intrude upon someone like that? How the fuck were they brought up to think that sort of thing is acceptable? Why should I now have to feel that I should start getting home other, more expensive ways, such as taxis, to avoid it happening again? Why have half the people I've told tried to come up with some way to excuse this behaviour? Why do they say things like maybe the men were just being friendly? Fuck off, a) this is London and strangers dont talk to each other b) approaching a stranger who is obviously not socialising late at night is wierd not friendly and C) being disabilist and misogynist is aggressive not friendly.

Sorry for the rant. I appreciate its trivial compared to what a lot of women have experienced. And I need to get back to sleep now, so may not reply for a bit!)

No excuses, they are intimidating you dancing. Maybe people who look like they are trying to defend them are actually trying to play it down so that you're less intimidated IYSWIM, cause they don't want you to feel so bad?

Oh FFS..now I'm defending the people who are defending the indefensible...where will it end?

Get a mace spray or one of those electrical prod things, if a 15 year old can find a gun on the black market, a little spray should be easy.

I am absolutely petrified of these situations and have been a heartbeat away from the next stage. If a man did that to me now I would freak out.

Did these men follow you all the way home, or did they piss off once they had verbally abused you?

This might be just about be the worst possible advice (I'm a long way from London, and I don't know how these men's minds work), but I might be inclined to carry a pocket torch and do one of the following...

Stop. Face the man and say (not in a friendly way) "How tall are you? What colour is your hair? Can I just look at your features (maybe switch on torch)? I need an accurate description, you see, for when I report you for harassment/stalking." (Depending on how this goes, you could get your mobile out, pretend/actually call the non-emergency police number, or if he gets nasty, the emergency number.)

Or for an alternative approach, something along the lines of....

Stop. Face the man and say "You want to be careful, you know, there have been several reports about weirdo men accosting women around here, the police are shit hot on it. A policeman stopped me in the street the other night at this time and asked me to contact them if anyone I didn't know approached me in odd circumstances (this could be done in a friendly, helpful manner, like you know he's not a weirdo, but if he does it again you'll be obliged to contact the police.)

As I said, this might be poor advice, and tbh, I'm not sure if I'd have the guts to do it myself, but i like to think I would.

Hope it doesn't happen again.

I have tried and tried to link- sorry. Please Google Schrodingers rapist, it's a great article on this kind of thing.

Yanbu, I have experienced this. It makes my blood boil.

I used to get this a lot (I've since moved and had children and am rarely out at that time now). It really pissed me off. What did they expect was going to happen? That I would so like their attention that I'd go for a quickie with them?? I mean, really?

I think it was also a cultural difference where I lived as it was always turkish or eastern European men who approached me and I tended to feel they thought it acceptable to do this. It also wasn't just late at night.

I certainly wouldn't get my phone out and start calling the police while in clear view. But might be worth calling 111 to report harassment and ask for advice as to how best to deal with it. I tended to not respond initially but if they persisted just said "sorry I'm in a hurry" and continued walking. This generally dissuaded most people.

I do feel your anger when I think about it now.

Thanks for the Shrodingers rapist recommendation.

There is the sense of intimidation and then there is the anger. Because what makes them think they have the fucking right to intimidate or intrude on me when I've done nothing more than walk home.

On both occasions the men have had accents which I
would place as Turkish, but I dont believe that this can be excused as a cultural difference, because a seconds thought should tell you that it isn't acceptable. (I have also travelled extensively around turkey and parts of eastern Europe and never experienced anything to suggest that this sort of behaviour was considered friendly or respectful).

Love the advice from Misfit! Not sure I'd have the balls to do it tho!

I feel really angry on your behalf. The arrogance and entitlement of that is beyond belief!

I was almost attacked by a stranger walking home one night in South London. Fortunately I screamed so loudly he ran away. The police's attitude was disgusting. They basically implied it was my own fault for walking home late at night and that I should have got a cab. It was about 11.30 at night. Well if I could have afforded a bloody taxi every time I went out at night I would have got one!!!

Hate women not feeling safe on the streets at night. We have every right to be there.

Carrying a book seems to put them off, I've found.

Do you mean just carrying a book, as opposed to reading (not someting I've ever mastered while walking and it would create entirely different risks to my personal safety)?

I know that I will now be thinking more carefully abput self defence methods, items and products. And also whether public transport is a good idea late at night. And that's part of the anger. I have done nothing wrong.I have never objectified or intimidated anyone. Why should there be an expectation (which I share) that I should now be the one to change my behaviour.

In another world, I'd stop to explain my issue with these men, ask them whether they'd like it if their mothers, sisters wives and daughters were treated this way and leave them with a feminist tract. But I don't have the literal or metaphorical balls.

I used to get this a lot when I was younger, don't so much now but it used o really freak me out.

I remember walking home from work one night 5.30pm but it was dark and some random bloke ran past me and grabbed my arse and ran off.

Disgusting behaviour

I'd probably respond in one of two ways:

1. (If I don't feel physically threatened) I'm sorry I understand you're only trying to be friendly but I'm pretty tired and just want to sit/stand for the first time in X hours and think. (probably make up something about working with dead bodies or poop or animals or something and feeling gross)

1. Sit reading a book in a foreign language and when approached speak in some random language (something not common) and look confused.