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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have failed (again) to have sent Christmas cards?

25 replies

Andanotherthing123 · 21/12/2013 22:19

Last year both my DC were diagnosed with a (different) disability - one we expected, the other was a total shock, but both tore my heart into pieces. I decided to give myself a year off Christmas card writing and make a donation to charity instead. This year, I've bought cards but failed to send any. I'm heavily pregnant, working, struggling with two children with complex needs and finding it hard to get the basics done.

Every Christmas card that arrives makes me feel terrible as I know I should have sent some. I'm worried that those who are still kind enough to bother with me are probably striking me off the list for next year, and I wouldn't blame them. My DH is sick of hearing me talk about it, but I can't help but obsess about what people will think. I am quite hormonal and probably barking to even be posting this but I just wondered what you thought?

OP posts:

NK5BM3 · 21/12/2013 22:24

Yanbu. Can you put something on fb or let the word out that you are preg
And have had a shit year?

We haven't sent any/much. At work we didn't do any - donations to
Charity and a large card paper on the wall for people to sign good wishes to each other.

Personally I've only managed to moonpig to 7 rellies. Most overseas (which was the reason for moonpig because I only got them done on Wednesday?). I've done the neighbours because its easy to write and then pop in the boxes.

The rest - it ain't going to happen.

canyou · 21/12/2013 22:49

We have had a tough 3 yrs and also a close family member die each year so this is yr 4 with no cards being sent this yr is the hardest and really struggled to buy gifts. I have a generic email/text ready to go a on tue. Take the time you need.

NorksAreMessy · 21/12/2013 22:57

Please, let this go.

Lots and lots and LOTS of people no longer send Christmas cards. The cost of postage, the availability of Facebook, the desire to give a donation to charity, the (mostly) pointlessness of it are all valid reasons. Plus you have extra valid reasons on top.

Nothing truly dreadful will happen if you don't send cards. I now brazenly say 'I don't do Christmas cards'. My life is better for it.

Do you need to talk about why it makes you feel bad not to send them. I can help you though that

Maryz · 21/12/2013 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 21/12/2013 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EBearhug · 21/12/2013 23:19

I've sent a letter in January before, as I didn't get round to it before Christmas. I got more responses, as more people had time than they do in the run-up to Christmas...

The year after my father died, my mother didn't send any cards. I had quite a few enquiries about her and whether she was okay.

Original poster

Andanotherthing123 · 21/12/2013 23:20

Thank you for your replies - and for being so kind. I am relieved that you don't think I'm a total washout for not managing cards.

Norks good question about why it makes me feel so bad - my parents love sending and receiving cards and were shocked when i didn't last year. I suppose I thought everyone else placed similar importance on the ritual. I am though, going to liberate myself from my guilt, make a donation to charity and accept myself for the non-sending Christmas card person that I am.

Thank you and hope you have a fab Christmas!

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 21/12/2013 23:23

YAY!
Look at this as a positive thing you are doing for yourself. Well done.

Maryz · 21/12/2013 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 22/12/2013 02:16

To hell with Christmas cards. DW and I stopped buying them whichever year was it seemed that the UCW were going to hold them all to ransom and just gave the money to the charity I used to buy them from. We still get a few and in the New Year We will be in touch with the senders, mainly for a general e-natter but we will thank them and say that we don't send them any more.

SparkleSoiree · 22/12/2013 02:19

You have had a bad year. When I sent christmas cards I am sending love at christmas and would hate for people to feel terrible that they haven't sent back.

We get cards from some friends and not from other friends but they are all still our friends. It's just their personal choice whether to send cards - personally I love it but some of my friends think I'm a christmas freak!

I hope you enjoy your christmas, it sounds like it's been a hard slog lately for you.

freerangechickens · 22/12/2013 02:43

Just think how much more environmentally responsible you are being than all of your card-sending friends.

BitOfFunWithSanta · 22/12/2013 03:12

I haven't sent cards for years. Nobody notices, honestly.

NK5BM3 · 22/12/2013 15:46

Good question Maryz about why we beat ourselves up over such a matter... And I think (at least for me) the answer is because we have this particular relative (who's young so not like an older relative who you can imagine not having Internet etc) who insists on doing things 'the right way' and she has her own way of thinking such things.

So if we don't send one (and actually we haven't this year) I have no doubt that we will hear about it through some passive aggressive type message somehow. :(

Joysmum · 22/12/2013 15:52

I only do cards for the people I see at Christmas, everyone else who's important gets phone calls or emails.

mumblechum1 · 22/12/2013 15:54

Does anyone seriously keep tabs on who has and hasn't sent a card? tbh I just open them and stick them on the windowsill, barely register who sent them.

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2013 16:17

See, I had this from a friend who refused to do cards this year because 'it had been such a shit one'.
Now, a few of her reasons I understood, one or two I felt were self-inflicted.
But - she has been out and about, hither and yon. All over FB having a lovely time, to the theatre, cinema and holidays, shopping till she dropped.
Now I appreciate her DCs and DGCs come before all else, but she has had time, she clearly hasn't been moping in a corner for 12 months and she left it till everyone else had written and sent theirs before making her statement.

So sometimes, it's sheer Can'tBeArsedNess rather than any other reason.

JKSLtd · 22/12/2013 16:25

Just think how you've freed yourself from the millstone that is the job of cards every year.
Make this the beginning of a new tradition for you - not sending cards.

I used to be mega-card-sending-woman and yes I kept excel sheets of who i'd sent them to and who sent me one

Then DS2 went into hosp just before a Christmas 4 years ago and I didn't send them and do you know what? the world didn't end.
I quit from then on.
I've got more public with my attitude over the years. I put on FB that I'd donated to 2 charities with links and got tonnes of 'likes' as well as knowing that some friends also donated to those charities, so extra good value.
I really detest the physical handing over of cards, just say the words Happy Christmas. I can understand sending them to elderly/non-fb people but I'm still not doing them either.
My parents send tonnes - yes with the letter too - i used to do that too so that's where I got it from.

I don't feel guilty, I feel liberated. Liberate yourself too

EBearhug · 22/12/2013 19:53

I do it because there are various relatives, godparents and so on I don't hear from by other ways - they don't have email, I don't like using the phone much even with my closest friends, but I still think of them and like to hear from them, so I send cards with letters (pretty short letters these days - relationship status unchanged, work status unchanged, house status unchanged.)

DalmationDots · 22/12/2013 20:24

Don't worry about it whatsoever, just let people know via a text/fb/email that you are very sorry but have had a horrifically busy time and not got round to it but that you wish them a wonderful christmas.

cards really bug me, especially from people I barely speak to. It feels like quite an outdated tradition in many ways.
And don't get me started on those braggy christmas letters!!

Freddiefrog · 22/12/2013 20:30

I haven't sent any cards either, and I'm not dealing with even a quarter of what you are.

I've got the kids to make a couple to send to their great grandmother.

I haven't sent any for years, for no real reason other than I just can't be arsed to

Theknacktoflying · 22/12/2013 20:36

Personally, I send a few cards to family and friends. I have also been known to send a few e-cards.

If you really feel bad, why don't you just make a donation to a charity of your choice. Seriously, if you have friends being miffed about not receiving a card and knowing the year you have had are not really friends ...

Stop beating yourself up

Oblomov · 22/12/2013 20:38

I have sent a few. But so so many I haven't done and I feel TERRIBLE.

Hidingfromboss · 22/12/2013 20:40

I sent one. To my aunt.

ravenAK · 22/12/2013 20:40

I haven't sent any this year. A workmate's son was stillborn in October ; he & his dw have set up a charity providing support to bereaved parents, & several of us have made donations this year in lieu of sending cards.

My parents were mildly miffed that they hadn't had a card. Everyone else either saw my FB link to the charity, explaining that that was where the stamp/card money was going this year, or just hasn't noticed the absence of our card...

I think lots of people aren't bothering for one reason or another. Which is fine.

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