To ask if you have an introverted dh ,and if so how do you relate

[sugar4eva]

Been with my dh many years . He is solid reliable . I am outgoing but burn myself out at times and whilst I bring spontaneity to relationship which he likes he is realy quiet and he does practical things that are kind like bring me a cuppa in bed etc.i sometimes feel a bit isolated though as he is mostly self contained and rarely starts conversations and when I do he often gives shortish answers rather than it leading to more discussion . He also doesn't really say how he is other than ok and he never plans for us to have friends round which results in me doing all the planning . When we were younger this was less apparent as we had lots of uni friends around and then when we had d c we were natuarly busy . I know that some men sometimes rely on women to organi se stuff in my experience and I accept this , but sometimes it doesn't feel very exiting to be the organiser of stuff and if I didn't we wd just drift with no plans at weekends. He does work v hard and I know he is tired , but for eg he has all of Christmas off work and has not suggested anything . I have talked to him about thus over the years and he says and means it at the time that he will make an effort but nothing happens as I guess it is his nature. So advice anyone with similar d h . I guess acceptance is the key?

Dp is like this too

Finds social situations very stressful, his ultimate nightmare would be hosting a party for his 40th - instead, we are going away together, just us.

But he makes me laugh, he does alot round the house, he is great with the kids, is currently cooking the dinner, is laying a new floor in one of the rooms in time for my mum and dad to arrive in New Year.

We 'get on' together

Interestingly his brother has aspergers and DP thinks he has some of those traits...he thinks he has sort of 'learned' to be social.

Sometimes I wish he was more sociable but he makes up for it in other ways.

Very opposite works for a while then maybe it doesn't? My ex was a very quiet man and it ended up driving me mad, hence an ex.

We're both introverted but I'm a bit more gregarious than DH.

Thing is, introverts aren't shy we just need time away from people to recharge. It sounds ridiculous but toxic work environments and busy shopping centres sap the energy out of me. It's always a relief to get home. We muddle along together really. I'm as happy as a pig in shit but from the outside looking in we look as dull as dishwater.

I think you have to accept your DH for what he is. He's not going to change. Prior to DH, I went out with two extroverts in succession. Looking back, it was all a bit of a nightmare really because they never left me alone/life was one continual social occasion.

My dh literally goes out once a year to his work Xmas do .... And even then he works for my parents and with my sister

I am out alllll the time. I get sick of it sometimes but oh hum.

I've done the village hall disco on New Year's Eve with just dd and meeting friends there until she was 10 I sh, now we just stay home

She is a lot like him which pisses me off. She just turned 15 and refused to do anything to celebrate

He used to hate me going out but now he is resigned. I can't just sit at home, we all have separate living rooms and bedrooms, it's like being single half the time but cooking for 3

To compensate for that, I do socialize a lot as then I am happy to stay home. A lot

Lekkerslapp - from what you say regarding the way people re charge when alone rather than with others in relation to if you are introvert or not : then altho I'm v sociable and out there emotionally I have just discovered I'm an introvert too. Need quiet after parties , shopping centres etc . Interesting . So you can be an out there gregarious introvert and a quiet hardly talk introvert . I must look up info re this : fascinating .