to not give out any more photos of the kids

10 replies

moomoobaa · 21/12/2013 15:01

We only have a small family so I've always made a real effort to send my sister and mum up to date photos of my three children. These are always well received and displayed in their homes.

I've never yet had a photo of my two nieces and nephew from my sister, not even a photo they've taken themselves of them despite the eldest being five. At Christmas we visit my granddad and aunties, all of whom will display recent nursery/school photos of sister's kids. I never ever get given a copy. If I my Mum for a copy of a photo, I get told "Oh yes, I'll print you one off" but it never happens ever so I give up. I've politely asked my sister on several occasions if I could have a photo and have always just been told that she only ordered one for herself and makes out that I'm being awkward with her.

There is a long back history of my children being an afterthought to my Mum whilst she looks after sister's kids several days a week and offers to run around after them at the drop of a hat. In contrast when one of my children was in hospital with meningitis, DH had to leave hospital in order to look after the other two because my mum had arranged to look after sister's kids that day (even though sister was only going to hairdressers). After years of this never really improving despite speaking about it, I decided enough was enough and we moved 300 miles away with a work transfer last year as I didn't want my kids growing up always feeling second best.

I would love to have a photo of my nephew and nieces to display at home as I don't get to see them more than a few times a year. So WIBU to stop giving out any photos of my children to sister and mum if it never gets reciprocated?

OP posts:

trinity0097 · 21/12/2013 16:13

I would imagine that photo giving is something that they do to close older relatives, not to ones the same age.

sooperdooper · 21/12/2013 16:16

I think you're mixing up your feelings if your children being left out by your mum, with something your sister has done, they aren't connected

Is your sister watching her money? Maybe she can't afford to get you copies, could you offer to pay?

formerbabe · 21/12/2013 16:21

After the story you told about her not looking after your kids when one of them was in hospital with meningitis, I think the photos are the least of your problems in terms of these relationships.

LeafyGreen13 · 21/12/2013 16:23

Last year I didn't bother sending a photo of the kids with my Christmas cards but my older relatives complained. I don't send a professional one though, just a snap of them out playing or something. It doesn't cost much to print it out.

natwebb79 · 21/12/2013 16:26

We never bother doing photos for same age relatives either. We just take our own photos at family events and print those off. It's no bother really.

Original poster

moomoobaa · 21/12/2013 16:32

Thanks for the advice, perhaps shouldn't take it so personally. It isn't about cost, sis spends hundreds on big packs of photos which get given to everyone bar me. Even a photo of them playing would be great and make me feel more included. Ho hum.

OP posts:

sarahjayne76 · 21/12/2013 16:45

I would feel the same to be fair! I would not give again and see if she asks and reply with the same she does! To give to everyone bar yourself I would feel left out

jay55 · 21/12/2013 19:35

Can you not take some pics when you do see them?

DeWe · 21/12/2013 20:25

I would only do the photos for older close relatives, like grandparents/ great grandparents. It seems a bit pushy to expect others to want to display your dc.

My dsis has given us photos before now, but has asked if I'd like them as she got a huge pack from school. I love to see the photos (and yes, they are displayed) but I wouldn't really want to display all the nephews and neices around.

Personally I prefer the snaps that give more personality anyway.

Clunch · 21/12/2013 20:43

This isn't about photos, is it? Obviously YANBU about the favouritism, but I think YABU a bit about the photos. It would never occur to me that any of my siblings wanted a photo, certainly not any kind of formal one, of my son, though they love him. I wouldn't see that as any kind of indicator of affection, and the idea that you would show esteem by giving someone a school photo is a strange one to me. I know you've repeatedly said you would like one, which changes things, but perhaps she thinks you are just being polite?

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