To ask for your help in working this out? Does my DD have ADD?

[Wheatandcasein]

I have been concerned since DD was about 1.5 years old as she had a speech delay. Nothing significant but it took her far longer to say words and then utter complete sentences. It was as though she was worried about saying something wrong so she just didn't attempt it.

Around this time we also introduced cows milk instead of formula and she began to complain of stomach aches 3-4 times a week, and also developed motion sickness in the car - as in it happened every single car journey.

Fast forward ages 2-4 she was right on track and very sociable with lots of friends. I knew she was sensitive but she hid it well at nursery and appeared outgoing with lots of confidence.

For the last term of Reception she seemed to become very sensitive at school, frequently bursting into tears and needing lots of hugs from her teacher. This had something to do with her best friend deciding she didn't want to be friends with her anymore but I also think DD was becoming self aware of some of the following things: -

DD falls over at least once a day, trips over her own feet. She doesn't look where she is going and needs to hop/skip/run/dance everywhere. Cannot just walk.

She is very forgetful, will frequently forget where she has put things a few seconds beforehand. Will read a word in her book and forget it on the next page.

Consistently writes many of her numbers back to front, still confuses d and b.

Is very, very messy! Never tidies up - I don't think this comes from not being shown as her siblings are quite tidy.

Takes quite a long time to pick up new things, for example, reading, swimming, potty training took a very long time to take too. It seems to take her far longer than the rest of the group.

Does not pay attention, for example during breakfast I could ask her to eat with her cutlery not fingers literally 20 times. She forgets within seconds.

Sings and makes funny noises rather a lot. Even when it's not appropriate, for example when everyone else is being quiet and eating lunch.

Likes to copy what her friends do, their favourite colours, music etc. She does not know what SHE likes herself, but takes on others views.

Does odd things like eating paper and is always putting groups of random objects into different bags and boxes.

Is very very easily distracted. Always wants what she sees other people have ...

She is 5.5 and I know much of this is normal behaviour, but I can't help but worry. Her teachers say she is a quiet sensitive soul at school, and a little behind in reading and maths. They also say she is easily distracted and does not pay attention. At the beginning of last year, not one of her teachers would have said she was sensitive or quiet.

I just feel as though my confident fun loving little girl is struggling, and I worry about her at school so much. She is falling behind her peer group, and she is aware that she's at a lower level and I think it knocks her confidence.

How can I help her? Could it be mild ADD? Could it be that gluten or casein in dairy is giving her the stomach aches (she still frequently says she has them), and this is contributing to ADD behaviours?

I would love to hear from anyone that can offer advice or has experiences similar concerns, thank you.

Amelia, thanks for your reply. My DD also slouches at homework time, in fact does not sit still at all at the table. Literally is climbing around her chair, hanging off it etc.

She had been purposefully annoying her siblings lately but then I think they just do that to each other when they're a bit bored.

DD goes through periods when she stalls on her reading, so it takes her a long time to progress then she will suddenly come on almost overnight, and then again take a long time to get to the next level.

I haven't spoken to the school. I just feel reluctant to until I know what is going on - if anything. Not sure why I feel like that.

I also wonder if she will just grow out of these traits as suggested by your DD's teacher.

@wheat&casein and @ameliatopping, you've both described my dd exactly. (Although nearly all of what you have described is very normal for children that age too) We are a year on (6.5). She was assessed by a developmental psych, who did recommend starting full assessments for ADHD. I asked what support this would give her in school and they said none. On that basis, I declined the diagnosis ad opted for annual reviews (not the 6 monthly or writing her off the list options they initially gave me.) I think she does have mild ADHD but it is getting much more bearable as she gets older. Just incase it reassures you, she has finally grown out of meltdowns. (Storms off to her room instead). And her literacy has improve greatly (once she saw a need to learn-for computer games and because she wanted to read to her new little sister.) I think if it's mild, it's a case of accepting them for who they are and encouraging their interests (creativity, drama etc) and don't worry too much about the academia. They will grow out of the hyperactivity to a degree. Some kids are just tougher to parent, but if a label doesn't offer them any support then think hard about wether you really need one, or is a regular meeting with the class teacher and senco enough?

I'd recommend the books 'the gift of ADHD' and 'the Edison gene' too, to see it more as a positive personality type than a disorder that needs fixing.

There have been some studies to show a link between Coeliac disease (an intolerance to gluten) and ADHD. It would be worth speaking to your GP about this. It is certainly worth investigating the cause of her tummy aches.

Thank you Dave, that's really helpful and good dose of common sense too. I'm torn and have felt torn about this for a long time, am I making more out of this than I need to? It's worse when I see DD in relation to her peers and there are a lot of very intelligent and very will behaved little girls in her class. I know comparisons are a futile exercise, but DD gravitates toward these girls and feels hurt and more of an underachiever when they don't want to play with her, or when she notices that they are on a higher reading level for example. She just wants to be like them and idolises them :(

Now that they are in proper school it's highlighted by things like the star system for good behaviour etc. DD gets very few stars, and I know it's not from not trying.

For example, DD often refuses to read aloud in the reading group because she is self conscious that her reading is not as fluent or as advanced.

Yes, I am going to try cutting out gluten but it won't be easy! All DD's favourite foods.

Wheatandcasein if you want to get her tested for Coeliac disease you shouldn't cut it out as it is harder to diagnose.

My DD has had blood tests as at one point she was complaining about stomach aches multiple times a day and her teacher was saying that she was very tired in class. A few times she has gone as white as a sheet as well. They all came back fine but I am not sure if they tested for allergies or intolerances.

My DD, luckily, doesn't seem to notice that she is behind her peers. She was still on the pink band when she started Y1 but had a bit of a spurt and got moved up to red but seems to have come to a stand still again!

The other thing with DD2 is that she cannot be reasoned with as she always has an answer. For example a few times in the last couple of months she has ran out into the road after school and when I explain that she might get run over she just said well I want to die anyway! She does it quite a lot so it is hard to deal with her behaviour.

My DD2 seems to get on with the other DC in the class but does have one best friend (she has put a present under the tree for her) but the friend is moving back to her home country in the summer and I am a little bit worried about how DD2 will handle it. They have been friends since pre-school.

How is your DDs eating? My DD2 is very fussy but is also not a big eater, I just don't think she is very fussed. If I give her food she really likes some times she will eat a lot and other times not so much. If she doesn't really like it she won't eat it and then go all until breakfast having eaten hardly anything at all. I even got a letter home when she was in YR because she was refusing to eat any of her school dinner.

She is getting better as she gets older but of my 3 she is definitely the hardest, though DD3 decided to give her a run for her money today!

It is hard isn't it? I don't want people to think that I am making up problems with all 3 DDs. Hopefully we will figure it out eventually.

It's ringing bells for Asperger's with me too. Get the ball rolling for a diagnosis. I would like to gently steer you to an attitude of positivity and being proactive. Do not be afraid of labels. They are the way to get help for your child that she needs. But do seek help for her. I have never ever regretted taking my worries to the GP. Two and a half years down the line and my son has a full time 1:1 helper.
Don't leave this to the school though. This your job.
And IMo don't just "cut out" gluten. It will really stress your child out. Tummy aches can come from anxiety - a major driver in AsDs.
Sending you and dd best wishes with this.

There are various diagnoses that your daughter may or may not and it is probably not very useful for people who haven't met her to speculate (trying not to sound too sniffy there!). Pursue that referral to paediatrics.

Agree with what you have said about trying not to show annoyance for things she doesn't seem able to help. A big part of self-esteem is feeling a sense of mastery or ability so important to find and praise things she is good at, and also praise effort unconditionally. Also maybe speak to the school about your concerns and ask them to be a bit more liberal with the stars.

I have known my GP for a lot of years so I made an appointment without ds1 (6 at the time) as I didn't want to discuss it in front of him but I could have phoned to speak about it. I then saw the GP with ds. He "didn't think there was much wrong with him" but referred me to paeds anyway.

I can't remember how long we waited to see them (ds1 is 18 now) but not long. He had various assessments and I was told, on the day, that he would need to be observed in school and have other assessments (Conner's questionnaire) but that it was likely he had developmental co-ordination disorder (DCD). Following the other assessments he was diagnosed with ADHD.

We tried changing his diet, cutting out things, giving fish oils and multivitamins etc. nothing made any difference. We were offered a trial of Ritalin which I initially declined, but as his self esteem and education were suffering we decided to try it. It made a huge difference to him and he he did well throughout school. He stopped taking it (dr's instructions) in the summer and it has been a bit hairy but we are coping. He is still a bit clumsy but gets on fine, is very sociable and has lots of friends. We have had little support from schools bbut a lot from the local ADHD group.

Ds3 is 7. He is not formally diagnosed yet and is currently doing quite well at school. He has the inattentive type and does not have the same behavioural problems. We give him fish oil and vitamins as per the Tinsley House support thread on mumsnet if you search for it. I think it does help but not certain. Changing his diet didn't make a difference but I have always been quite careful with what he has.

Please don't worry about labelling. It is not easy to get a diagnosis and I'm sure you won't be told she has something she hasn't got. My boys are both great boys and don't give me many problems.

Again, I wouldn't recommend cutting out gluten or casein without going through a medically qualified dietician, not a 'nutritionist.' I trialled my DS with a GF CF diet through his paediatrician and paediatric dietician.

The stomach ache could be related to nerves about school. Mine had a sore tummy before and after some meals and his GP suggested something to do with stomach acid and eating. Gaviscon cured it quickly.

I think you should hold fire with getting DD assessed. Any assessments tend to take place aged 7+ unless SEN is blatantly obvious. Things like getting numbers back to front and often smooth them selves out by 7.

Putting things in boxes, clumsiness, getting letters back to front is very natural at her age. Trouble learning reading etc might indicate dyslexia (there's also dyspraxia and spacial awareness issues to consider)

Leave it till she is 7 and then take a fresh look. Ask her teachers to keep an eye and raise your concerns.

Also might be worth experimenting with her diet. Try a couple weeks dairy free or gluten free. It's easy one in the swing