To be losing the plot with ex-DP over his attitude towards my new partner?

[JulietBravoJuliet]

Split up with ex 6 years ago, we have one ds who is nearly 8. In that 6 years, ex has been married and divorced (6months from meeting her to splitting up, with a marriage after 3 months), and has introduced ds to at least 7 or 8 different women. I've seen a couple of men, but never had them around ds, as I didn't think they were likely to become permanent fixtures iykwim.

Been with current dp for a couple of months, and I just know this is going to work out as we're perfect for each other. I've introduced him to ds, just as mummy's friend, and they're getting on well. However, ex has gone completely crazy; told me not to have "that man" around his son, and refuses to have him on night when he knows I'm seeing new dp.

I know this is jealousy; he has made it quite clear he wants to get back with me (well, in between his numerous girlfriends!) but I've made it quite clear that it will never happen. WIBU to tell him to grow the fuck up? I've pointed out it's completely double standards but he thinks IABU to have a man around our child full stop. GRRRRR

YANBU. But how does he know what nights you are seeing your DP?

He's asked a couple of times, and now I'm having to justify where I'm going and who with before he'll agree to have his son overnight! I've told him it makes no odds to me whether he has him or not as we're quite ok with staying in if ds is here, but I don't think it's fair on ds to not have time with his dad just because his dad is behaving like an arse towards me!

tell him to grow the fuck up. If he asks where you are and who with tell him it's none of his business. If he asks on the basis of justifying his seeing your ds then I would ask him what his priorities are, his jealousy or his son.

Do you have a contact agreement?

He's being a controlling arse. Very obvious why he's an ex. Hope all works out with you and your DP, take comfort in the fact that the ex will settle down once it becomes obvious that you and your DP are in it for the long haul.

I'm just feeling stabby about it all at the minute. He'll chat away quite nicely, but if new dp comes up in conversation, his eye contact drops and he ends the conversation immediately. I don't want ds hating dp because he's picking up on all these negative vibes from his dad :(

We have no formal contact agreement as we've always been fairly amicable and have never needed one. He used to have ds on the night I worked late, but I don't work late at all anymore, so I tend to ask him to have him on either a Friday or Saturday night as they are the two nights he doesn't work. It's rarely more than one night a week, unless I've got a couple of works do's or something, but it's never been an issue in the past.

What will happen if you don't bother asking him to have your DS for a couple of weeks, and just do stuff together instead? Eventually, he'll work out that if he wants to see his son then he has to take the risk that you may spend that time with another guy.

Why is the burden on you to ask, anyway? Is he incapable of making plans of his own?

That is my plan fuzzypicklehead. After this weekend, when I have a works do, I'm not going to chase him over contact. We've already arranged Christmas so ds will see his dad then, but I'm going to stop chasing and leave it up to him.

Get another babysitter and freeze him out

he can have contact with his ds again when he stops being a dick

contact time is not meant to be conditional...if unilateral conditions are applied tell him you are no longer "amicable" and he will have to go to court and get a formalised arrangement

he will soon STFU, and if he doesn't then perhaps a formal agreement was what was required all along

it always puzzles me that women don't do this in the first place when dealing with a man they know is an arsehole

Yeah my XH did this. He was with another woman from the second we split up and I couldn't give a toss. I stayed single for 2 years and the minute he knew I was seeing someone else he started to get all difficult about having the DC whenever he thought it was when I was seeing new fella.
Pathetic!
All you can do is pity the fool and let him come to you to make arrangements. As other posters have said, you can make other arrangements for DS. Sleepover with a mate might be a good one.
Hopefully he will get over himself sometime soon.

I think the get a sitter or ask family to have your DS overnight. If you do not feel beholden to your ex he can have less affect on your new relationship.

Tell him he is pathetic. Or rather beyond pathetic.