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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent other mums and group leaders for showing up at baby groups with horrible streaming colds and hacking coughs?

38 replies

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 20/12/2013 15:07

I stay home when I'm ill and try not to infect everyone. I have been home for 3 weeks with a bug my daughter and I picked up from the childminder of the lady running a paid for baby class, as my daughter was too poorly to go out anyway. We went out on Wednesday,finally well again, to a group where several people were looking for sympathy for their awful coughs and colds. We are now ill again. Am I being unreasonable to wish the sick childminder had stayed at home with the kids instead of coughing and sneezing all over my baby, and that the sick mums at the baby group had stayed home for the day? If it was a question of missing work and not getting paid I feel it's different, but where it's a social thing, I stay away if I was contagious, rather than inflict the bugs on my friends.

OP posts:

ironmansmum · 20/12/2013 18:20

I agree with you - keep your germs at home!

Hopingforno2 · 20/12/2013 18:22

I can see both sides its almost impossible to avoid colds however my 8 month old dd is currently in hospital with rsv cold virus that has caused bronchiolitis has been on and off oxygen so I wouldn't take a child with a cold to place where some of the other children may be at risk of developing it.

Hopingforno2 · 20/12/2013 18:22

Rhubarbgarden · 20/12/2013 18:29

I have a three year old and an eighteen month old. We all constantly have colds and runny noses in winter. It is impossible to avoid. I also run a parent and toddler group in my small village. If I didn't turn up, it wouldn't happen. As I have had a cold pretty much continuously since September, the group would simply cease to be. So yabu.

Pantygirdl · 20/12/2013 18:31

YABU. If my DD has D&V or seems very ill I would stay away. If it's just a cold then I take her out. Otherwise I could go months without seeing anyone other then my parents.

CailinDana · 20/12/2013 19:36

Taking a miserably ill child out isn't fair on the child. But trying to avoid bugs and colds is just pointless. You could quarantine yourself for weeks then pop out for milk and catch something from a shop assistant who has no symptoms yet. If you live a normal life catching things is inevitable. Hiding yourself away achieves nothing.

OP do not watch the film "Contagion."

HaroldTheGoat · 20/12/2013 19:37

Common colds and coughs - YABU

Nasty bugs vomiting etc YANBU

PansOnFire · 20/12/2013 19:43

YANBU - I realise that it's difficult to avoid catching a bad cold but I see no reason for people to take their children amongst other children when they have a streaming cold. A bad cold might not be considered as an 'illness' by a lot of people but it causes havoc with sleep, food and general well being. I think it's completely selfish for people to go amongst others in a social situation when they are knowingly ill, I don't care how much of an illness something is considered to be. Stay at home!

Lifeisaboxofchocs · 20/12/2013 19:56

D&V... absolutely not.
Flu.. absolutely not
Colds and coughs... yes.

tbh, i wouldn't want to take my son to a toddler group if he had the first two not only for the sake of others, but because i cant see how he would get any enjoyment from it whatsoever.

If he had a cough and or cold, and seemed ok in himself, i would take him, and have no problem obviously with others doing the same.

Our nursery allows anything but D&V, and I think that is the same in most. So you seem a tad OTT to be quite so against it at toddler groups.

3bunnies · 20/12/2013 19:57

I'm with Rhubarb I've run groups and unless I or my dc are v poorly then I make the effort to go as otherwise if you closed each time you were ill then people would never know whether you were running or not and as a parent I know how frustrating it is to get the dc all up and out only to get there and find it shut for some reason. I would probably skip it if I wasn't running the group myself.

Unfortunately coughs and colds are a way of life for a few years and you will find that once they start school the schools have very little sympathy for coughs and colds. They will be expected to be in and picking up more colds etc unless ill with fevers, d&v etc.

Sharaluck · 20/12/2013 20:12

I don't understand staying away with a cold. A big drippy, miserable headcold yes, but just standard cough/colds are so common and linger forever so if you stay away till they are gone you'd never go anywhere

Also my dc seem to catch colds which I don't as they don't have fully mature immune systems yet. So it is hard to know if a cold is a proper cold or just one that young children catch iykwim.

dietcokeandwine · 20/12/2013 20:14

As others have said, with regard to coughs and colds, they're a way of life I'm afraid! I would keep my DC away from baby groups/preschool/school (I have one falling into each category!) with anything like D&V, high temp/flu, conjunctivitis etc. But not a cold or cough unless it was absolutely streaming and combined with a high temp.

With my 10mo, I would stay away from indoor baby groups if he's particularly streamy with a cold, but I'd still bundle him up and take him out for a walk (trying to avoid any other people as much as possible of course). Unless sick with a flu or D&V type thing, I'm a big believer in a bit of fresh air (DS3 would have to come on the school and preschool runs anyway, I can hardly keep the other two off just because the baby has a cold and might spread germs). And the DC benefit I think from a change of scene. OP have you seriously not left your house for 3 weeks? Like not gone out at all? If so I am torn between whether to be impressed or appalled tbh. I would have gone stark staring mad, as would DS3. Avoiding the baby groups is one thing but not going out full stop is quite another!

tallulah · 20/12/2013 21:31

YANBU. The last week of dance class for my 6 yo someone else's parents came as a couple with their obviously ill baby, then sat practically on top of me in the changing room for an hour. The poor kid coughed and coughed and coughed - one of those real rattly coughs, not the just-getting-over-a-cold type.

2 adults and 2 children I couldn't see why one couldn't have stayed at home/ in the car with the baby and the other bring the sister to dance class.

3 days later I came down with her cold and was ill enough to have to take 2 days off work. Not impressed.

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