Another mil one!

[SharonCurley]

Was visiting mil who commented how dd was so placid and life would be always easy for her as she wouldn't be getting herself up in a heap about things.Straight after that she started to talk about how sensitive other dd is and how none of hers were ever like that!'very anxious'.She is generally bright happy and chatty and makes friends easily but also has alot of empathy for others and sometimes gets upset at scary parts of films!I'm upset by the comments but is this because I am overly sensitive and anxious?

Just conversation I expect.

Children change hugely too, a confident child does not always mean a confident adult.

Can't see why this is a mil one, anyone could make idle chit chat.

Do you feel she was having a go at you or maybe just stating a fact? Life is alot easier if you can take things in your stride and not get in a panic.

I hope it was just a passing comment do not let it upset you too much just enjoy Christmas with your family.

I think you are being over sensitive. I really wouldnt give it another thought especially if it is a one off.

Yep I probably am being over sensitive .No it wouldn't have been a once off comment

I think people who don't see children every day can easily get into the habit of labelling them 'the quiet one', 'the naughty one', 'the placid one', 'the anxious one' and talk about them as if that one characteristic is all the definition they'll ever need.

You see your children every day, and can see (I am sure) that there are pros and cons in any personality trait. So a placid child may have things easier in terms of stress, but maybe that's balanced out by being less likely to put the effort in to achieve things. Likewise, you say yourself that your other dd gets stressed, but she has a lot of empathy - two sides of the same coin.

If it is ongoing then that's different if she is saying things that are hurtful, or are undermining. I guess you have to look at the whole relationship on balance that you have with your mil and assess. The comment you quoted could be taken any number of ways so it is difficult to say whether yabu. What does your dh say?

She sees them most days.I wouldn't say she gets stressed as she is three-she just thinks deeply about things-like heaven and doesn't like anything scary like monsters or ghosts.She will climb the tallest climbing frame and does most physical stuff without fear and is very outgoing and chats non stop.I suppose she would be very verbal.She is always busy.Her sister in the other hand is a smiley baby.

Oh, they're very young to start labelling then! Don't let it get to you.

Yeah we have quite a good relationship but there would have been many comments in the past about me being sensitive or her having to toughen dd up or telling me to man up about things.She has all boys.I came from an all girls family.Different upbringings and different personalities -just felt that the terms used were quite negative and whilst she may be sensitive I don't see her as anxious .Her dad feels that mil says things without thinking.She would usually lets me know when I look crap and told me how massive I was throughout my pregnancy (I wasn't according to anyone else)But if I took these comments to heart I would have been sensitive

Just a time to smile, nod, say 'really' in a non committal way and change the subject.

I had one unbelievably placid child and one sensitive creative, great humoured, more vocal one. They are very different and I'm able to see all their qualities in a good light.

Yeah I just don't feel her sensitive nature is a bad thing.I think it means she will have empathy and she is kind and polite.Of course I don't like her thinking about things too deeply but if something is not tangible or concrete she finds it hard to understand .I think all aspects of our personality are useful in different ways.I think she sees sensitive as a bad trait-something to discourage, as she often complains of others being over sensitive and how their lives must be so difficult.

I see sensitivity as a good trait too and thankfully my parents do too. My sensitive child is very empathic/big hearted and can read people/social situations well. He has an amazing off imagination and enjoys all things creative (art, cooking, writing, role play).

It's a bit odd to see a placid child or placid baby as a good baby/child. In effect your IL's think the quieter a child, the better they are.

I had one unbelievably placid child and one sensitive creative, great humoured, more vocal one. They are very different and I'm able to see all their qualities in a good light.

Sounds like my dd is like your son-she is also very creative,sociable and loves role play.I find I have to be careful with mil .I don't ever know where I stand.One minute I think we're getting in well and then she'll make a little dig about something personal.I just don't make personal comments so I don't get it

I suspect her definition of people as 'over-sensitive' translates as 'For some reason they don't like it when I make personal digs at them for no reason'. It's very common.

Sounds like my dd is like your son-she is also very creative,sociable and loves role play.I find I have to be careful with mil .I don't ever know where I stand.One minute I think we're getting in well and then she'll make a little dig about something personal.I just don't make personal comments so I don't get it

Yep I think that may be it.Gives people free reign to say whatever the heck they want!