to feel irrationally stabby when people invade my privacy?

[bigredtractor]

We live in a tiny flat -my bedroom is my sanctuary and private. It's out of bounds to people generally (in that no one would have a reason to be in there).

When people come to visit we often have to stash 'stuff' temporarily - piles of papers, folded washing, things I don't want people to see. Tonight we had PILs round for dinner and DH had been off in the afternoon to see them earlier but hadn't tidied (a whoooole other thread! ) so it was messy. Plus I had a wash drying on a rack cause we're going away on Sat - incl underwear.

Anyway the PILs brought some bags of presents which DH had put in our room. Getting ready to leave after dinner MIL walked straight in to our room and started going through the bags to separate the gifts. For ages. And ages. While I gave DH 'the look' and seethed.

My stuff was on the bed, work clothes, coat etc. Bags of things ready for putting away, etc. It just felt so rude and intrusive - I would never go into an adult's bedroom uninvited. AIBU?

No that is fair enough, I wouldn't expect an adult (other than my OH) to enter my bedroom without explicit permission either.

Whilst I can completely understand your position, I also think that the fact that your husband put the bags in your room was a kind of tacit invitation to enter - she wasn't nosing around in your stuff, just shuffling her own stuff around, so I think it's a bit more acceptable in this situation.

I can see what you mean DoJo but in a similar situation I would have asked - or suggested that the bags were brought out first. I don't even go into my best friend's bedroom when I visit without checking first - unless she's in it and I'm talking to her or something!

No sorry that is not acceptable. What difference did it make that DH had out the bags in there? Surely she could have asked him/you to get what she needed. I would be annoyed YANBU at all. What you can do now though I am not sure, but I wouldn't let it happen again without saying something.

Urgh.

I have a friend who seems to think it's fine to take phonecalls in my home and go upstairs and wander in and out of our bedrooms/study while she chats.

She's not invited round any more.

I don't really get that.

My bedroom is orrery neat, and the door mainly left wedged open. I'm happy for friends to be in there and family. Anything 'private' is kept in drawers.

My friends seem to feel the same way. When you live in a one bed at you need to use all the space you have I think.

YANBU-mil regularly goes into my room without asking for some reason to either tidy, take my washing out (weird), put clothes away, all when I've said I'd rather do it myself, it drives me insane! My own mother or sisters would never go into my room without asking and visa versa. I guess different people just have totally different boundaries, but I find it rude.

YANBU OP.

My bedroom is out of bounds, to all, even the DC.

However I don't know what I would have done in that situation. MIL couldn't have sorted the bags out in view of the DC

No doubt about it that I was embarrassed by the state of the room too, but I'd been at work all day and they were here when I arrived back, so dumped my things to go and talk to them, eat etc.

But that' not really the point - it just compounded the issue.

And my dildo was NOT on the bed... (its on top of the xmas tree, natch)