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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dh to take the day off?

28 replies

HankyScore · 19/12/2013 16:41

I've been crook all week, horribly fluey crap. Like a dickhead I went back to work this morning feeling vaguely better, and got sent home for looking like a bag of wet washing and nearly vomiting on my manager.

Good times.

Anyway, driving home was like Toads Wild Ride and not something I was keen to repeat, so when NHS 101 said I needed to see the gp I asked dh to come home an hour early and take me. Which he did without moaning or anything.

But the gp said I am quite badly dehydrated and have low blood pressure, basically from not letting myself recover, she's signed me off and told me to stay in bed. Obviously I'm not at deaths door or owt, but the less I rest the longer I'll be ill for and it's Christmas. Not to mention my birthday is this weekend.

I asked my sister if she could take the kids to school tomorrow and have ds2 (she usually has him anyway on Fridays). She is 8months pg and has an 11mo and said no, can't say I blame her actually this close to Christmas.

DH has annual leave to use up before the end of the year so I asked him if he could take tomorrow off, so he can do the school run and run around after the two year old.

He is, but he's massively humphy about it and has grumbled that he's got to make up the hour for today as well and it's not ideal.

Am I being a spoilt brat? Should I just suck it up? I haven't finished all the Christmas prep yet and I'm conscious that if I don't feel better by the weekend then that's it, we're out of time. I'm back at work Monday and Tuesday. If it wasn't for Christmas etc I would just do the childcare myself and feel ill for longer, but I felt so much worse for dragging myself to work today and I know I just need to rest and rehydrate.

Am I making a mountain out a molehill? This is bit of a whinge, sorry, but aibu to ask DH to basically take the day off to look after me?

OP posts:
DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 19/12/2013 16:43

YANBU. I would point out that being ill is "not ideal" for you either.

landrover · 19/12/2013 16:46

No, yanbu, you must absolutely take the day off. the children are his too, aren't they? Get better soon xxx

VerucaInTheNutRoom · 19/12/2013 16:47

My DH would be the same. He had no idea how difficult it is to look after the kids when you are ill. Just let him get on with bitching and go to bed and get some rest. Getting better is your priority!

landrover · 19/12/2013 16:48

It does annoy me that childcare always seems to fall on the female!!!!

Original poster
HankyScore · 19/12/2013 16:49

He also commented that he doesn't get dehydrated when he's ill because he makes sure he eats and drinks plenty. I just gave him a deathstare for that, but I think that means he thinks I've brought this on myself.

I have been eating and drinking plenty, by the way.

Perhaps I should just soldier on and then go to bed all day on Christmas day and leave him to cook and entertain.

God I'm in a bad mood. This sucks.

OP posts:
landrover · 19/12/2013 16:51

Does he love and care for you Hanky? xxxxxx (because he should!!!!)

VerucaInTheNutRoom · 19/12/2013 16:53

Is he one of those annoying fuckers that has no sympathy for anyone else when they are sick but when he's ill it's a massive drama?

Original poster
HankyScore · 19/12/2013 16:55

He is usually brilliant. And he does equal childcare and housework and stuff. He's just being a bit pissy about taking time off and it's making me feel shit, tbh.

He was definitely expecting me to sort something else out, he asked me four times 'what's the plan for tomorrow then?' um, I've told you, can you take the day off please.

OP posts:
Original poster
HankyScore · 19/12/2013 16:56

Yes, veruca.

But to be completely fair, so am I. When his appendix ruptured I told him to stop moaning about his tummy ache.

Tbf I didn't know that's what had happened, but still.

Perhaps this is payback?

OP posts:
Pinkdressonthewall · 19/12/2013 16:59

While usually I'd agree he should take time off, asking to have the last Friday before Christmas the afternoon before is likely to be problematic in many workplaces. Whose to say his employer will even agree?

Are you both off over the weekend? Could take the kids out then and give you two days to rest up?

LastOneDancing · 19/12/2013 17:01

Oh let him moan & get yourself in bed with a drink and chocolate

Doesn't he have a friend/ relative he could ask to take them if it's such a stress? You've already tried to find alternative care.

starofbethlehemfishmummy · 19/12/2013 17:05

Yanbu. He sounds just like my dh - anything as long as it doesnt mean taking time off work

Sparklymommy · 19/12/2013 17:07

I had a similar dilemma today. I'm feeling really rough and asked dh to delay going to work for an hour and get our four children ready for school as I don't want to infect them and could barely drag myself off the bed. He wouldn't.

Tbf its his busiest week of the year and he is working late too which isn't helping my mood. When I asked him what time he expected to be home he snapped at me for phoning him and so I hung up. He'd better bring me something nice (like a bottle of lucozade and some rich tea fingers) or I may not let him through the door!

Anydrinkwilldo · 19/12/2013 17:15

I'm assuming that he is the biological parent to these children, did he assume his job was done upon conception?!? He helped make them he helps look after them-simples.

Oh and I'm sure the reason he doesn't get dehydrated when he's sick is because YOU look after him!

Rest up and mind yourself, and give him a thick ear if he starts again Xmas Wink

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2013 17:21

YANBU

But if he's usually brilliant and does equal childcare/housework etc, why is the Christmas prep down to you?

Phaush · 19/12/2013 17:23

DH has annual leave to use up before the end of the year

So he has to have a day off in the next 18 anyway? And he is complaining - basically - because you are ill?

YANBU.

VeniseAndMe · 19/12/2013 17:25

What about :
Look we obviously have an issue as WE haven't planned an emergency childcare system when I am ill. So this time it will have to be you unless YOU can find another solution and not one that involves me looking after our dc
I would propose that se sit down in a few days and review what we can do. Could YOU come with a few proposals of how we could handle that?

Let's face it. You are ill. Wether you brought it on yourself or not isn't the problem anymore. The issue a that you need to rest to get better and he is the only childcare available. No other choice that sucking it up, the same way than you normally do when you still look after your dc when you are ill.

ShoeWhore · 19/12/2013 17:26

Will your sister have the 2yo as usual?

Just thinking is there a compromise where dh takes the bigger kids to school and then goes into work a bit late? Could someone collect them for you after school? Could he work from home?

My dh is pretty good but I do have to beg him to take time off when I'm ill. It's not always that straightforward.

Xmas2013SantaB1610 · 19/12/2013 17:27

book yourself into a cheap hotel if you are simply not getting the chance to rest and recover at home.

Sounds like your DH just doesn't want to use his annual leave on childcare duties, was he planning a nice peaceful day off with you to see to the children so he could enjoy his "days holiday". Tough !

Domple · 19/12/2013 17:33

YANBU.

I am given an obligatory 24 hrs to get over any illness.

Was throwing up earlier on in the week and my parents left me 'as they had things to do!' Knowing DH was away.

People are self centred and have little empathy!

Go to bed and rest you are ill. If he has leave he should use it they are his kids.

Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
HankyScore · 19/12/2013 18:04

It is because he doesn't want to waste his annual leave. It runs until March.

He is now going to 'work from home'. With a mad two year old at his ankles. Good luck with that, sunshine.

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 19/12/2013 18:15

YANBU, but it's a nightmare time of year to request a short notice day off work, my line manager would definitely have a face like a smacked arse if I asked for tomorrow off, today. He's probably feeling a bit under pressure. You need to both cut each other some slack on this one.

Hope you feel better soon.

FunkyBoldRibena · 19/12/2013 18:39

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Phaush · 19/12/2013 19:33

Ah well. Looking after his own children and allowing his DP to recover from annual leave - I can see how he thinks that might be a "waste" of annual leave :/

fairylightsatchristmas · 19/12/2013 19:35

I think that if he doesn't want to take the time off it should be HIM figuring out an alternative, not asking you what the plan is. I get this all the time and it makes me stabby. Why is it my job to sort it out and know which days DS needs a packed lunch and all the other crap when DH and I both work full time? He needs to step up one way or the other. If he is working from home, do not be on hand to deal with the 2yo when he is on a call, you are ILL.